General Dance Discussion > Why do you want your spouse to dance with others?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Tango Distance, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. CaliChris10

    CaliChris10 Active Member

    Yes, and while there are a lot of people who go to salsa clubs just to dance, even then unexpected attractions and more often happen. But I am a jealous type :wacky:.
  2. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Why am I not surprised :eek::eek::D:cool:
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  3. CaliChris10

    CaliChris10 Active Member

    Hey! :p
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  4. Batchataqueen92

    Batchataqueen92 New Member

    :D very true point!
  5. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Thanks all for the wisdom.

    There were 10 posts that talked about getting better. 4 mentioned giving other ladies more dances. Single posts mentioned things like husband making friends, getting exercise, more dancing for the follower, not feeling guilty, injury, and a couple in favor of not switching partners.

    It took a little coaxing, but my wife did say her reasons were she didn't like to see me sitting there not having fun, and separately that she didn't like to see ladies not getting dances, a situation I could help. I think that's a bit of projection of how she thinks onto me, but it is a good motive to want me to be having fun.

    Speaking of fun, I have found it interesting that my instructors always say to go to Milongas to get better. The majority of posts said to switch partners to get better (I have to admit, dw and I did improve a huge amount when we started switching partners in class). What I find interesting is I seem to hear "get better" much more often than "fun." Is it because getting better = fun in dancers' minds? Is that an outgrowth of a dancing competition mindset? It's an interesting contrast to me to skiing, where lift conversations are dominated by "fun" and less often by "getting better." It's similar with guitar, mountain biking, and more. Is it different in dancing because you depend so heavily on another for your fun?

    Thanks again for the insights.
  6. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    In my case, "getting better" results in more fun. And while I've dabbled with competition I'm really a social dancer. It's more fun to be able to lead a lady who might never have danced. And to be able to lead a more advanced figure to a lady who while experienced at dancing has never done that figure.
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  7. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    Broadly speaking, for me, yes. "Better" means I am a better, more reliable, consistent follow. It means I miss fewer leads and reduce the number of awkward situations where the connection or communication breaks down. So that I can focus on having fun and moving to the music. When my partner's lead is clear and he's dancing well (to his abilities) and I'm following well, I'm having more fun than if I'm spending my mental capital trying to figure out (a) what the heck I'm supposed to be doing, and (b) how to respond to mishaps (apologize? acknowledge at all? etc).

    This for me as well.

    Also, "better" is not just long term... it is even within the space of a 1-2 hour party. If I monopolize DH, things tend to be kind of blah. If we dance with a variety of partners, somehow we dance better together when we are dancing.

    Finally, I am also coming from a mindset where the people involved are continuing to pay for lessons. And while I try to recognize and acknowledge that what some folks are paying for in reality is not necessarily learning/information/improvement, they are paying for fun/relaxation/companionship, I still struggle with the notion of sinking all this cash into lessons and not seeing some progress over time. Switching it up seems to boost this progress so you're getting a better deal.
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  8. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    Yep. From the follow's end in particular, it's not much fun dancing with an inexperienced lead, and I know that leads found me a lot more fun to dance with at parties after I got better at following. I will grit my teeth and dance with an inept lead who's clearly just having fun without caring about ability but it's not really fun for me any more than hauling me around before I learned to carry myself was fun for those guys.

    However I don't limit this to dancing. I CAN goof off riding my horse...but because I started taking lessons when I was 8 and have been riding for almost 30 years. I know the rules, I know how and when I can get away with breaking them (and have the skill set to fix things if they go south.) I love to figure skate..and I've taught myself school figures and practice MITF and dances even though I'm not testing because just skating around in ovals gets really boring, no matter how fun it is for five minutes. My friends who are serious runners (in one case a triathlete who is moving into Iron Man triathlons) LOVE to run, it's incredibly fun, but they also constantly focus on improving. Even ones who aren't going to be doing an Ultra any time soon or ever aim for personal bests--heck, on the treadmill I'm going for that quarter-mile farther than last time. And I find it kind of funny someone would list playing the guitar or any other musical instrument is more fun than improvement--fun IS improvement, if you don't improve, you'll never have anyone want to listen to you but you, if they don't, there's no real point in making music.
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  9. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    This, so much this.
    Dancing Irishman likes this.
  10. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Thanks all for the thoughts.

    Danceronice, we are different people. That's part of what makes the world an interesting and wonderful place. Believe it or not, I play guitar for myself, haven't improved for a long time, yet still enjoy it. BTW you are the first person I recall encouraging getting better on guitar, including the two professional musicians in my office... Hmmm, maybe I'm better at it than I think and I should start teaching! :rolleyes: Further examples include hiking or mountain biking or skiing with no worries as to how fast I went. It doesn't mean I'm never competitive -- I enjoy some amateur car racing and worked hard to take first place in some races -- there's nothing like beating cars that are 10x the price with a "slower" car! :cool:

    So not to worry, while my primary focus is on fun, I do plan to continue to improve in my dancing skills!

  11. aurel

    aurel New Member

    How would you rate the amount of fun while dancing after you first few tango lessons and now, when you can actually do some stuff (even considering your touchy-feely struggles)?

    Getting better means more fun because by getting better you can do the steps/patterns/amalgamations that you want. You can react to music, your partner, the connection and other dancers without having to think about every step, worrying of stepping on your partner's feet, etc. The "getting better" is translated to "becoming free".
  12. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Aurel, I hear you, definitely learning ganchos and sacadas was more fun than walking. Also, Tango music has been a bit of a struggle, lack of distinctive drum beats and general unfamiliarity meant it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time before I could reliably step on the beat. Stepping on the beat is definitely more fun.

    Dancing with as many people as possible is still not quite in my fun zone yet, that's something I'm still working on, and was part of the reason for this thread. You can read about the touchy-feely struggles aurel referenced at

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