Ballroom Dance > Why don't guys dance?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dancin_feet, Mar 10, 2004.

  1. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    Just curious to know whether this is a worldwide phenomenon, or just our slack Aussie men, but why don't men want to learn to dance? Don't they realise that women are far more attracted to the way a guy moves, than the way he drinks his beer? :?

    Even in a nightclub atmosphere here, you will get girls dancing together and the guys standing around the dancefloor, beer in hand checking out all the girls. I find it really frustrating, and feel like saying sometimes "Don't look at me with that lecherous look in your eye, come and join me!". :x

    What are your thoughts, and feedback you have had from males who just will not dance, or think that it is not "manly"? And what can we do to change it and get them out there and take classes?
  2. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of men just think it's not really a thing for guys. Now, when I was a kid I along with other boys thought it was something for sissies. (how I've grown up since :lol:).

    But isn't it kind of interesting how some movie dancers are portrayed as tough guys - Patrick Swayze, John Travolta and the former Menudo member in the movie Salsa?
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I didn't know he used to be in Menudo. Hmm. You learn something every day. 8)
  4. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Alas Dancin_Feet, it is a worldwide phenomenon. :(

    But, it was a couple of guys in Sydney that made me want to throttle them! :evil: I was at a salsa place, standing at a corner of the dancefloor. A couple of guys came in and were basically leering at the girls who were dancing. They then started making comments about, why do people bother to dance, or why even buy the girl a drink? Why don't they just skip it and just get straight "into it" and I was like: :shock: which caveman movie did YOU just crawl off of! :shock:
  5. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    Hmm, since I've started dancing I'm still surprised at how many women I talk with who do not dance. Most will say "oh yea I've gotten drunk and shaken my booty in a club a few times," but I've met next to none who have actually taken lessons to learn a particular style.

    Before I got into dance, any girl I was courting who asked about dancing would send me running in the other direction! Now that I enjoy to dance and its a big part of my life...I wonder where all the women who want to dance have gone? At most dances there are very few women to dance with in my area...and even less that are my age and single.

    Hmm...maybe its time to relocate? Where are you ladies? :?

  6. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Maybe because (at least in the world of salsa clubs), these "top dogs" (read: "alpha males") tend to be like that, with huge egos to go with their dancability :x :roll: :lol: !
  7. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    His name is Robby Rosa. My biggest movie crush....EVER! He was in Menudo with Ricky Martin (the youngest one!)....and now I believe he's part of the production team for Ricky.

    Robby Rosa was my catalyst for learning salsa in the first place (*a young Salsachinita thought: Learn salsa, get THAT guy :roll: *)!

    :roll: things we do....! :roll:
  8. voilsb

    voilsb New Member

    I live in a lead-heavy scene. So, around here at least, guys do dance ;)

    And lots of my friends who aren't into partnered dancing are still into the b-boy/club scene.
  9. ShyDancer

    ShyDancer New Member

    I adore him, (even with that terrible 80s style hair!) honestly if he were to step out of scene 8 (y'know the billboard scene) and ask me to marry him Id probably say yes! I unashamedly admit to playing that scene over and over..even downloaded the sone Puerto Rico I love it so much!

    Hmm back on topic though..... I have NO idea why guys dont dance! The few that I do know have girls practically swooning at their feet...I wonder why that doesnt encourage their friends!
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi voilsb. Welcome. 8) :D
  11. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Tell me about it.......! These guys who have 'made' it realised that they have the PICK of a large number of females (thus tend to grow an ego) & can get away with murder :x .....(yes, I keep meeting them :roll: )!

    If more guys (read: their friends) would get into it, there will be some competition for the "top dogs"........maybe they will actually have to be NICE for a change 8) !
  12. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    Unfortunately this is the type of man we have to choose from. :cry: No wonder I'm still single!!! :twisted: The whole "Aussie occa" attitude really annoys me at times.

    So what can we do girls? I've tried to get the few guys who do come to class to start writing on the back of public toilet doors things like "dancing is cool" or "wanna get chicks? go dancing". Hasn't worked so far! For you guys, what made you start? Was it through a woman you were seeing, or did you start of your own accord?
  13. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    My own accord; it just looked like something fun and exiting to me. It actually started in the freestyle rock and roll club environment for me when I watched other guys as well as women dancing and realized if these guys are doing it why can't I? I later progressed from this to ballroom and swing.
  14. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    the processes of dancing and learning to be a good leader provide so many opportunities for us to look like idiots, and we men are basically nothing more than lumps of insecurity held together by skin to begin with. and since i'm one of the few guys who's available & generally in demand as a leader i'm not sure i want to give you any hints as to how to overcome that!

    i have many friends who've seen me dance and marvel at the number of attractive women i meet through dance yet still won't go for it.
  15. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Can I quote & frame this one.....?

    :lol: Why not........? :wink: you will be doing us all a favour.... :D !
  16. Hank

    Hank Member

    Some men find it easy to meet and attract women. They tend to find dancing unnecessary and won't dance unless they have some special interest in it.

    Other men find it more difficult to meet women, and they might have heard that dancing will make them more attractive to women, so they give it a try. I've met a lot of men like this, they frequently seem disappointed in the results, and they tend to quit. They often comment that the age of the women at the dances is not what they're looking for and that the women seem to be there just to dance and aren't really interested in a relationship. Also, dancing does not seem to make up for whatever made it difficult for them to attract women in the first place. Thus, whatever problems they had pre-dancing, they brought with them to dancing, and they still have post-dancing. A man who dances might be a plus for some women, but it does not make up for a lack of physical attraction, emotional closeness, or whatever else it is that women want.

    As for me, I've never met a girlfriend through dancing. Dancing does not make me more attractive to non-dancing women because they see it as a time-consuming and expensive hobby requiring skills that they do not possess. Dancing does not make me more attractive to dancing women for all the reasons I described above. In addition, in the dancing culture, knowing how to dance is commonplace, so it does not make me special. Taking more lessons and becoming a better dancer does not make me more attractive; instead, it actually makes me less attractive because it moves my ability further away from the median level of the women at the dance.
  17. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    Probably for the same reason the dancing guys that I know like to be in the minority and in demand from all these beautiful ladies.

    Male ego at work I think!! :lol:
  18. brujo

    brujo New Member

    Should see him now. He is a really big producer and one of the singers in the forefront of Spanish Rock. He is the author of Ricky Martin's Living La Vida Loca.

    Back to the topic at hand. I think fear of dancing is a cultural thing. Some cultures are musical, very in touch with feelings ( 'tango is a feeling danced' ... etc ), others are more puritanical and view dancing as wrong.

    Some stereotypes of dancers is that they are lazy, dancing, seeking useless enjoyment instead of working hard, which is a big part in the Asian cultures.

    I think the whole 'Bart Simpson dances Ballet' fear that I see in guys in North America seems to come from the fact that the culture is not a very musical one. Those who grew up with Dominican parents or in latin countries are used to having lots of birthday dances, weekend dances, etc. It is easier for people in these countries to get over the idea that dancing is gay. But at the same time, dancing never seems like something that needs to be learned because it is already taught to them by the older people in their own populations ( parents, etc ).

    If partner dancing was more frequent and more socially acceptable, it would be easier to convince guys to learn to dance. But for now, it will carry a stigma, just as yoga to westeners seems like a girls only phenomena, or martial arts and hockey a guys only thing.

    I think men and women are equaly insecure, but the men seem to have a harder job when it comes to dancing. They have a much higher learning curve, forcing a lot of us to quit before we get any enjoyment out of it ( The lady that is always screaming at you for being offbeat or doing something wrong ).
  19. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    There were some very good and honest points brought up here....tsb you really hit the nail on the head. Its quite tough to establish yourself as a good lead (I'm not there yet) and I know at times I feel somewhat inadequate to dance with the more advanced women.

    I've said before that I got into dancing due to a woman I was interested in...but I had been talking about doing it for years. Although I've had my ups and downs...overall I keep a very positive attitude about dancing.

    I go to dances for myself be part of the community, to have fun and meet others. If I happen to meet a lady there, that's great, but its not my sole reason for dancing. If it was I would be in for a lot of disappointment (been there a few times) its important to keep things in perspective.

    Most of my guy friends who are terrified of dancing either are afraid to look stupid, and/or have had bad experiences related to dance. I remember my big dance scare...many years ago when I was in high school and didn't dance at all, I was at a seminar and a very attractive girl literally tried to drag me onto the dance floor, and I ran out of the building and refused to talk to her for the rest of the weekend. :shock:

    Many guys have had experiences like all of this will come back to haunt us if we let it. I embraced my fears and have made quite a breakthough...but its quite easier said than done! :wink:

  20. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    why not? it's true. even the scriptures suggest that harlots seduce their men not by looks or perfume but by flattery!

    and i benefit because .... i create competition for myself? :p

    seriously, the guys i know that are my age and younger seem to fall into the following categories (at least when it comes to ballroom):
    - won't dance - ever;
    - tried to dance but gave up due to difficulty factor / bad experience on floor / relationship ended;
    - use dance as a means leading to some sort of carnal knowledge, if not sex then groping/leering;
    - start dancing but are already in an exclusive relationship;
    - dance but are gay!

    off to an argentine tango lesson - new instructor is supposed to be good in getting people to do the basics correctly.

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