General Dance Discussion > Why Don't I Appreciate DP Enough ?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by dancingirldancing, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. I really can't understand this ... DP is the sweetest, most hard working, loved by all coaches and peers alike sort of person.

    He appreciate me and treat me really really well. Never late, always in good mood and sacrificed a lot to accomodate me.

    We also dance well together, placed really well since early on, and generally everyone say we look super good together.

    However, I can't seem to get excited dancing with him, even to the point of dreading coming to practice and comps. I don't really know why either.

    I should have been excited coming back to competition scene with such a great person after a long stretch of partnerless agony but I just don't.

    Neither do I feel like socialising or spending time with him outside practice no matter how hard he tried to make me feel comfortable.

    I am able to maintain some sort of polite and respectful relationship with him. But something irrational inside me keep on insisting that I really do not want to dance with him. It is crazy !

    How do I manage these negative feelings ?

    I am sure a lot of girls would want to dance with him if we break up ... I am such an unfortunate person if I do that ... and I will probably keep the partnership but yeah I really can't help it and it is really unfair for him ...
     
  2. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Its very common for a partnership relatively early in its history to go through a phase where its frustrating to one or both people, and if they really concentrate on it, the partnership may not survive.

    But, if they can find a way to almost "zone out" and keep putting a respectful amount of time and energy into training together while directing the hopes & dreams obsessive energy towards some other part of the picture for a while (getting the perfect costume, improving career outside dancing, even some other hobby) this may give the partnership time to settle and ripen away from the critical eye... such that one day you "wake up" and realize you are starting to be really excited about working together.

    Or maybe that day doesn't come and you don't continue together. At any rate, you won't do well for the partnership by obsessively worrying about it, so see if you can strike a balance of meeting your obligations while giving yourself enough detatchment for your mind to have some breathing room.
     
  3. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    Is it at all possible that you are not "use to" or have experiences with the type of person your partner is, so he just seems foreign to you and not what your use to?
    Focus on your dancing as partners. Rather than the "why" you don't feel....distracting from your primary objective of competitive dancing. Partnerships take time.
     
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    perhaps you finally have something healthy and don't know what to do with it...I am serious...alot of people unaccustomed to healthy relationships will sabotage them b/c they are bored and don't know how to handle them...and who says you need to feel a burning passion for the guy or even want to socialize with him...be kind and dance...that is all
     
  5. ireniecat

    ireniecat New Member

    This is definitely a possibility.

    I had a similar experience with a partner a while back. He was a good dancer, dedicated to our partnership, intelligent, kind. And would even drive me home after practice so I wouldn't have to take the bus!

    But I just never quite "clicked" with him on a personal level. And sometimes I felt I had to tone myself down around him, or he might feel uncomfortable around me. Eventually I accepted it as a working relationship, and that both us were in it to become better dancers and learn from the experience. It wasn't the end-all-be-all.

    I agree with the other replies that it's best to not obsess over your feelings, and just go with it.

    But I do have to say that it ended up translating to our performance on the floor. Reviewing our videos, we were technically better than quite a few couples that placed ahead of us, but our performance was flat. We didn't look like we were truly dancing with each other. So eventually you'll need to address the performance/enjoyment issue. But for now I would just get over the hump you're at by focusing on why you dance, not on why you don't feel how you expected to feel about your partner.
     
  6. DrDoug

    DrDoug Active Member

    Looking at it another way, your feelings about your partner might be telling you something about why you dance. I'm sure some people dance for the excitement of having a fiery relationship with their partner. If that's what you want from dancing, then there's no point in being miserable with a sweet, reliable, hard-working, dedicated and talented partner who bores you.
     

  7. Yes I think you nailed it.

    I feel a bit like SJP in SATC when she found a nice guy she immediately think 'Well, he can't be that nice. There must be something wrong with him.'

    I think the fact that he is so nice make me uncomfortable because I am not used to being treated like that.
     
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    when a person spends lots of time with "unhealthy" they grow comfortable with how to deal with drama and neglect and other forms of stupidity...it is their comfort zone...then they meet someone who isn't nuts...they tend to either find it dull, or untrustworthy or simply un-relatable....keep this guy and and simply manage the fact that you don't understand him at all...keep this guy
     
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    as to the possibility of looking flat...i am sure that irenie would even agree and has now probably passed the point where this would currently be an issue...a mature dancer can reach within themselves to find passion that is not contingent upon how they feel about their partner...folks at the top do it all the time...heck, I do it
     
  10. ireniecat

    ireniecat New Member

    Yes, agreed. I know I didn't make enough of an effort at the time. My partner was very reserved, and felt uncomfortable expressing "passion" toward me because I was dating someone else. In turn, I didn't want to make him more uncomfortable, so I just stopped trying... and that was the problem. I think had we worked on addressing those issues, it would have been much better for both of us. (Sorry, didn't meant to hijack)
     
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    i don't think that's a highjack...i think it may be very relevant
     
  12. We danced very very well together and everyone else said that we are the perfect match. We got elevated very very quickly and the dancing felt like a dream. We won or placed very highly in competitions.

    We both have the same ambitious goals and are both very very dedicated people.

    I am really realy happy with the dancing but I would just rather not talk or socialise with him.

    But the more I tend to be withdrawn the more he tried to bring me out/be more nice to me and the more I freak out about the whole situation. And then he worries more and become even more nicer about the whole situation.

    I almost want to scream 'Why r u so nice all the time ? Why can't u be rude/nasty/annoying once in a while ? What the heck is wrong with u ?'

    Am I crazy ? My dancelife was always full of dramas either involving emotional breakups, or screaming match with my long time ex partner. Maybe I need a psychiatrist.
     
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    a counselor of some sort would not be a bad thing ...there is no drama so you are creating one....you don't have to socialize with him or want to do things together...frankly, I don't think it would do him any favor if you forced yourself to do so
     
  14. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    That reminds me of this:
    http://dilbert.com/2006-02-05
     
  15. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member

    Ohhhhhhh!!!! I love this. Thanks fas!!
     
  16. dlgodud

    dlgodud Active Member


    Hahaha...... you are so funny. Maybe you don't want to see his the other side. Surely he must have his angry/rude/nasty side, but he does not want to bring it out because he saw how you react?

    I had similar experience with one of my previous teachers. He was like your dance partner and one time he couldn't help it, but started yelling at me. After that, I found out that he could be annoying and nasty too. I wanted a teacher back who wasn't like that. lol
     
  17. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    I look at it this way: As his partner, there will always be times that you're frustrated with him in a way no one else is - because they're not dancing with him. You are the one who helps him work out his flaws, and the one who has to deal with those flaws until they get better. I think in a way it can be worse for the follower, too, because so much of what we do in terms of connection and position is dependent on the leader doing his part correctly. He can also become an easy target for your frustrations with dancing in general.

    There's a lot of things that can help - anything from taking a breather to calm down during practice, making sure you stay hydrated and fed :)rolleyes:), to sitting down and discussing dance goals and plans for the future (or whatever is bothering you).
     
  18. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    ...hmmmm... deja vu... this kinda reminds me of a movie... maybe the cutting edge???... something else is underlying here perhaps???...
     
  19. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    My appreciation for DP has only deepened...
     
  20. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    Even more so, after even just one more week... :)
     

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