General Dance Discussion > why it may NOT be good to date a fellow dancer

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by yippee1999, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. yippee1999

    yippee1999 Member

    OK folks... I haven't been here in a while, but I need some love. :--)

    I can now from personal experience tell you that it's not good to get involved with a fellow dancer.

    Cuz when you break up, it ruins all "your dances" for you. Everytime you hear the music, you think of them and cry. And I no longer have the desire to go out and dance. And I certainly would hate to run into them and see them dancing with someone else. :cry: Woe is me!!!
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    so sorry...hug hug hug...I am guessing I would rather be miserable dancing than just plain miserable...but I will take your word for it
  3. yippee1999

    yippee1999 Member

    Thanks fascination. Well for me to dance I have to feel happy, and if I don't feel happy, well.... no dancing. Plus just being in that environment...wondering if he's there... who he's with... would just kill me. I'm sure at some point I'll be able to get back out there, but not now while the wounds are still so fresh.
  4. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    Eventually the feeling passes. Really. I know *exactly* what you're talking about, and I recovered from it. Give it time.
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear, yip... that's no fun... *hugs*

    mebbe it would help to, over time, make sure you develop some new memories & associations with those very same songs... dance them with your favorite dancers. then they'll have reason to make you happy again.

    as for your ex... as and123 said, thank goodness eventually the feeling of loss passes... <hug-hug>
  6. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    sorry for that.. but u learn from mistakes.. now u know..

  7. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    so sorry <hugs>.
    i know how much it sucks.

    hang on there. the feeling will pass ... eventually.
  8. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Travel and go somwhere there is no chance for him being there? For example where I am...I have a spare room during the weekends...;-)
  9. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    That's a very good idea. I second that.
  10. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    My advice would be to go out and have fun. I have a friend that just broke up with a guy that was her dance partner. She still goes out despite the fact that he is probably going to be there too. But she loves every minute of it, and thinks only positive things like who she enjoyed dancing with, and how she felt dancing with someone else. She doesn't even talk about the breakup any more. I am very sorry though. Breakups are no fun.
  11. kayak

    kayak Active Member

    Take Sagitta's advice. When I had a similar dance breakup, it proved to be the right time to go and try out a bunch of other dance places. I would have never even imagined being an OK salsa dancer?

    With time, anything is possible. I was in a class several weeks ago and even got partnered up with my ex during the rotation. I was pleasantly surprised that it went fine :)
  12. meow

    meow New Member

    Breakups are always sad :( even if you are the instigator. It is very painful when you are dropped. I'm sorry that your hurting *hugs*. But I wouldn't let that stop me from doing what I love - dancing. Go to different places that he doesn't frequent - you will meet new people, dance and have some fun. It isn't a quick fix but it will help ease the pain somewhat. Time is really the only healer so try to fill it. :)
  13. yippee1999

    yippee1999 Member

    Thanks all. That's a good idea ... to go to places I'm sure I won't see him. He dances ON-1 (I'm ON-2... maybe that explains why it didn't work out??
    ;--) ... anyway, his dancing ON-1 pretty much ensures that I won't see him at any of the ON-2 socials.

    But if I ever go somewhere where a bachata song is played, I think I'll really lose it. Bachata was very special for us/me. I never liked bachata until he came along. He is an amazing bachata dancer, and when we danced, we were like a unified snake. It just worked instantly! And so now I love bachata, but really only with him. He's the only guy I've ever really danced it with. Whereas with salsa, I won't immediately think of him AS much, because I already had so many salsa friends/memories before him. But bachata was very much "our" dance...
  14. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Trust me, it will feel better the next time you dance bachata with somone you like and who likes you back. Maybe in a few days/weeks, but it will. Memories are sometimes neither bitter nor sweet -they can be bittersweet.

    Also, go to a different place, not just different socials. That's why I like Sagitta's advice/offer - it gives you a getaway from your town as well as your scene.
  15. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    Just keep dancing. Trust me, I know it's painful. (Geez, sounds like we could have a support group around here.) But the best thing is to keep dancing.
  16. yippee1999

    yippee1999 Member

    actually next week I'm spending a long weekend in Boston and going to some salsa places there, so hopefully that'll do the trick.

    One thing I didn't mention though that makes this breakup esp more painful is that I am left hanging.... with no idea what happened. Things were going really well the first 6 weeks of our intense relationship, and he began tapering off little by little and now he's clearly avoiding me. He says he going through some "stuff", and while that's fine if someone needs time to themselves, it doesn't explain why he's not talking with me at all now, and has made plans with me and then actually pulled a no-show twice now. Unless he's bi-polar or in a serious depression, there is no excuse to treat me this way just because you are "going through some stuff". And so it's really messing with my head, because this guy seemed so incredibly wonderful, and then things changed for reasons I know not, and may never unfortunately know.
  17. noobster

    noobster Member

    Aw, boo. Sorry to hear that yippee. :( You sounded so excited about the relationship in your earlier posts too, I was happy for you.

    About the bachata: don't dance it if it makes you feel sad! Take a water break, get some fresh air, or cry on the shoulder of a sympathetic salsera friend when a bachata comes on.

    Don't beat yourself up over what might or might not have happened. I know that's difficult, but it's just going to make everything harder. I would just tell yourself that he is not ready/not interested right now, and let it be. Don't chase it. Don't call him. No-showing is inexcusable; don't reward the behavior by continuing to call. If he wants to come back, he will; if he doesn't, you can't make him. :( Hugs!
  18. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    people suck. they lie and cheat. they break our hearts and leave us stuck with nothing. but one of these days, you'll meet someone who doesn't suck and all will be well. :together:
  19. yippee1999

    yippee1999 Member

    Thanks again all for the words of support. You know Noobster, I'd forgotten that I had alluded to my now-ex-bf elsewhere on these boards. But re-reading what I'd said about our first meeting, it now makes me even more sad... :-( Perhaps I like to wallow in my own pain?? :)

    Anyway, I certainly know that this will all pass. But right now of course it's hard...
  20. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Awe... I'm sorry!!!! I remember certain things that I did with certain boyfriends. One of my boyfriends and I watched movie after movie together, and I swore that I would never watch them again only to own a majority of them now though instead lol. I didn't think that I could sit through that long thinking about how we used to hold each other while watching the movies etc., but the positive side is that I enjoy watching the movies, and I wouldn't have probably seen the movies without him or probably not until much later. So, I understand that part.

    So from my experience about trying to think positive from breakups, my question to you is... is there anything positive that you can think of from it all? I know how some breakups can be so hard that you don't want to think about them at all. But I like to think that I've learned something from each one of the men that I have dated even if it was something I don't want in the future, and this could also be taken as a positive way of thinking if you think about it.

    And who knows? You might meet the man of your dreams on the dance floor even if it isn't him! ;)

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