Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Ampster, May 1, 2007.
IGNORE someone who asks you to dance?...omg, that is positively unthinkably rude
can't even imagine... although have heard a horror story or two. some people ARE unthinkably rude...
Yep - again,. I quote from the blog entry:
Where "nice" is defined as "actually acknowledging his presence"...
wow..I cannot imagine
The worst way I've ever seen a person turned down for a dance? Worse than being ignored, that's for sure.
A student who had just started learning tango approached a woman at a milonga. He asked her for a dance. She said, "No." Okay fine... but her partner says, "Oh, go on. Dance with him" to which she says, "No." Her partner then says, "Well, why not?" Her reply? She turned to the student and said, "I'm sorry sweetie, but this isn't a classroom. This is a dance social."
I quickly grabbed the poor guy up for a dance... but he's never come back to any milongas.
Later she apologized to him, and honestly I don't think she normally treats people like that, but it left the scars. He's quit tango completely.
perhaps it is my catholic upbringing...I wouldn't be able to live with myself for being that arrogant and uncharitable...honestly, and I think most women are like me...I have never turned a man down for a dance in my life....if he smells to the point of gagging me or is an arrogant son of a gun, I might evade a bit, but I have never turned a man down...(um, other than pro)...but THAT is another story altogether
Does "oooh, my feet hurt too much... I'm having a break" let you off the hook without being cruel?
you have a cabaceo class?!!!!!!!
i'd much rather go to the 'interpreting women on the dance floor and identifying who is really interested in you and who is just having a great time dacning with you but wouldn't go home with you if you were the last man on earth'. now, where can i find that class?
i love you :bouncy:. would you like to dance?
Ah, got it. I was being "a little cheeky" myself--playing on the 'have the *ahem* to ask me directly' bit. Note to self: humor doesn't always transfer over the net.
Yep. Seems to me, if they guy asks politely--regardless of how he actually does the asking--it's all good. The key is polite, after that it's all fair game.
I sure as hell hope so. I've used that plenty of times. Mostly, I am just taking a break because either my feet hurt too much, or I just want a break. If I genuinely want to dance with the guy--just not then--I follow it up by asking him to find me in a bit, or playfully making him promise me another dance, or promising that i"ll hunt him down when I'm ready.
there are.. different.. opinions about it. but in my books, a transparent lie is worse than an unexplained 'no'.
when you say 'no' to me without giving any reasons (and you are free to make it nicer, and use a phrase like 'sorry, how about some other time?' etc), you are free to dance with someone else right away, and when you ask me to dance sometime in future (or do the cabaceo thing and elicit a request to dance from me), you will get a positive response from me. So perhaps you'd turned me down once or twice when I was a beginner, and in a few weeks time, you felt more comfortable dancing with me, I'd not remember being lied to,and would be ok dancing with you happily.
Also agree with what Peaches said.
I don't think I've ever said no to a tango. A friend of mine lovingly calls me 'Tango Ho.' :lol:
I like it!
Regarding your horrendous turn-down story...OMG. What a [bolero]!!! Sounds to me like the woman wouldn't know common courtesy if it bit her in the [alemana]--on or off a dance floor.
i've been pondering soul vs. skill in dancing the last few days... (read my whines on the whining thread :| )
one thing that comes to mind is that the more i dance, the more i crave for a connection with my partner, or, i want our skills to match evenly, and many a times, it is the desire for both. but generally, i can be happy dancing with a less skilled follower who I have a great connection with, or a highly skilled dancer, but if both qualities are lacking, i won't ask her to dance much at all. exceptions are rank beginners who are just finding their footing on the social scene, but their free pass also has an expiry stamp on it. even beginners can be sincere in their attempts to dance well, and try to bring a connection to the experience.
another thing - if she is a gal that i know as someone who doesn't work hard to learn, but just tries to learn by doing - i.e., doesn't take classes, but insists on showing up at socials anyway and burdens herself upon unsuspecting leads who ask her and learns on the social floor by just doing it, i'll never ask her again. maybe i will when she has managed to become a good dancer, but very few can pull such a trick successfully.
I like this thread. It's interesting! But your post made me laugh!!!! It's funny. If I'm by the usual crowd, I will probably wear the same boring stuff. But I do like bringing sexy to the dance floor as well sometimes though too (at socials I mean). It's amazing all of the compliments I get from it. One time, I had a guy that started to speak French to me after he saw me in an outfit. I was like, ok. I must have impressed him lol. But see, I still dress very conservatively even on the dance floor at socials if this makes sense, so nothing that would show anything in other words lol. But I do know what looks good on me when I feel up to it though too. So, I tend to have some fun to see what people like and what they don't like.
And if I go to this formal coming up, there are a couple of dresses that I'm thinking about. One is a really sexy formal, the other is very formal. Both are appropriate to wear for the occasion. But it would be interesting to me for the guys to see me in a dress they haven't seen before, or a style they haven't seen me in before.
But regarding this overall thread though, I've danced with guys in all kinds of outfits. From tuxes to slacks to jeans to shorts. It doesn't matter to me. Probably the only reason why I might not dance with them again is in the way that they lead me on the dance floor. Yes, I still want my arms and legs attached to me by the time I leave the dance floor. So, that's the main reason. Otherwise, no biggie.
if i need a break, i say i'm taking a break & don't feel the list bit guilty. if i do say that, tho, i make sure i don't accept any dance offers from anyone else. and if i don't want to avoid dancing with the guy, i tell him to come get for something else later. if i want to avoid dancing with him... i definitely make no such invitation.
You know what, when I go out dancing I want to have a good time. I work hard and after office hours I want to relax. I don't want to dance with bad dancers anymore. I'm fed up with it. I'm happy to dance with beginners if they are having fun and are "dancing" (as opposed to the later beginners who have stopped listening to the music and are focusing on steps) and I do. I don't want to dance with someone who flings me around, knocks me off my axis and tries to teach on the dance floor. I'd even ignore the stuff on the other thread if dancing with him was otherwise lovely. I'd rather say i didn't like the song or my feet hurt and then sit out the next few songs than put myself through that crap. I'm not a great follower, and for every nightmare dance I have it takes a few tandas to recover, so I think it's also unfair on my other partners. That is why non verbal initiations of invitation are great. If I don't want to dance with you I won't invite you to dance with me by catching your eye. simple as that. Sometimes I'd rather dance a single lovely tanda with a particular leader and watch and socialise the rest of the evening that dance with every guy in the place. rant over.
I used to think that. But then it's like, even though I've only been dancing two years now, there are some dancers that have been dancing less than I have when it comes to socials. Sometimes, only teachers will be at the socials that have more experience than you (and sometimes teachers if they are new, will have less experience as well). (It depends on how big your studio is for the most part.) So, I've learned to just live with it at socials. I won't go to beginning group lessons any more though, because of that. But that's why he has different levels of classes. But yeah, I understand where you are coming from. It used to frustrate me.
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