General Dance Discussion > Will pursuing an interest damage a dancing relationship?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Piernas locas, May 2, 2004.

  1. Piernas locas

    Piernas locas New Member

    Well I'm new to this forum, although I've been reading it for awhile it's my first post. Hello Everybody. I was wondering if anyone had advice regarding starting a relationship with someone you love to dance with. I have noticed that alot of times things don't work out and then the couple can't even dance anymore with out there being some kind of drama involved. I have not meet a chick this cool in a long time and I can tell there is major chemistry. However I would never want to lose the relationship we have dancing or feel uncomfortable dancing with her if things did not work out. I would miss dancing with her if it turned out that way. What do you think go for the relationship or keep a dance partner for life.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hi Piernas locas. Welcome. :D

    I don't know if there is a quick and easy answer to your question. Yes, pursuing a romantic relationship might damage your dancing relationship. But it might be worth the risk.
  3. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hola PL! Welcome to DF!

    I think you already know the answer to your question--but don't you think that a romantic involvement could jeopardize any friendship relationship, dancing or not? If things don't work out, then it all depends on the way the people in the relationship respond to that.

    There are some other threads on this.
  4. Piernas locas

    Piernas locas New Member

    Thanks guys. I knew there would not be some magical solution to the problem. I appriciate the advice. I'll just go and dance it off. With her. LOL>
  5. msc

    msc New Member

    Not pursuing a romantic interest could damage the relationship as well.
  6. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    That sounds like trying to put out the fire with gasoline ;). No advice, just wishes for the best possible outcome for all concerned.

  7. etchuck

    etchuck New Member

    If you feel that way about her, I would say ask. Nicely. As long as you're not in some position of power for whatever reason (which tends to be my dilemma).

    The worst thing that could happen is that she would say she doesn't feel that way about you. Well, actually, no... the worst thing is that you become a psychopath and she puts a restraining order on you, and she swears she'll never dance again and moves to a convent in Tibet; meanwhile, you wind up spiraling to various dead-end jobs picking off cat hair from people's clothes for money.

  8. jon

    jon Member

    Since we know nothing about the actual people involved, I guess you're just looking for generic experiences. Mine are that it might work and it might not, and that depends entirely on the actual people involved.

    First cautionary note: "I can tell there is major chemistry". OK. What does she think? It's very easy to believe that, because you dance so well with someone and think she's so wonderful, she must feel that way as well. Maybe she just thinks you're another fun guy to dance with.

    Second cautionary note: even if you do both have wonderful chemistry on the dance floor, that doesn't tell you anything about what your relationship might be like off the dance floor. We see only the tiniest part of someone by dancing with them, and very often people act in very different ways within the dance scene than outside it.

    Yeah, there's considerable risk of damaging the dancing relationship if the romantic relationship doesn't work out (or if the mere act of expressing interest scares the other person away). You won't know unless you ask.
  9. Haz

    Haz New Member

    You think picking cat hair from other peoples clothes for money would increase your mental state of "Salsa-Zen" and give you super-human sassy-hip-like powers to rule the dance floor? *ponders and looks for friends with cats*
  10. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    I live with a cat. He's orange, and fluffy.

  11. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Anyone interested in investing in a startup to create a cat-hair-collecting robot?
  12. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Actually, that's a great idea. But we might already have something like that over here. I ought to get one. I believe I saw a furball the size of an apple rolling by a minute ago(TWO cats in my humble abode!!!) :shock:

    Oh, this thread is about starting relationships, not cat hair, isn't it? :oops:

    Personally speaking, I would refrain from making any advances. I have seen too many nice friendships end and sticky situations created in the dance studio when people start getting romantic. :?
  13. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Okay, back to the topic at hand.

    If you aren't able to forget about the issue, sooner or later you should probably talk about it. Realistically, if it's on your mind it doesn't matter if you talk about it or not - it will still color your interaction. So if it turns out she isn't interested and you can't get over it, the dance interaction is doomed anyway, no matter if you say anything or not.
  14. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Yeah--what Chris said.

    I say go for it, man. Take her out for a late night dinner after dancing, and talk about it.
  15. meagalita

    meagalita New Member


    my advice, coming from someone who just got burned by a salsero :evil: , is to make things really clear, but light. ask her for coffee, and chit chat, then say how you feel, and ask her how she feels. if it's mutual, both of you can decide on how to act on it. i think the problems arise when either you are professional dance partners entering a major competition (in that case the unrequited love will help), or secondly, when people are fuzzy about their communication. just make sure that you have *no expectations* about her response, and tell her you really want to keep your great dance relationship intact. good luck!
  16. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    I think you two should talk... why not?! I mean, you're afraid of damaging the dancing relationship, and that's why you as for advice... in my opinion, the dancing relationship should be the last thing on your mind... It is so rare to find someone you really like... just have a talk to her! But be ready... if the answer is not what you would have expected...
    Meagalita, I also have been 'burned by a salsero' as you put it :evil: ... and it's not fun... it was painful and I don't want such a thing to happen again... :)
  17. Flat Shoes

    Flat Shoes New Member

    I don't dance Salsa, so I don't know if my opinion is valid. (Why do so many of you post generic questions under either Salsa or Ballroom?) My take on this is ... go for it!

    Of course it may turn out really bad, or it may turn out very good or somewhere in between. But that's life. You win some, you loose some.

    I've had a few relationships in my time, some of them I have no more contact with, others ended up as friends. With all of them I had a lot of good times to look back at and I have a lot of wonderful experiences. And they're all part of me now, small pieces making up parts of the whole of me.

    It's better to regret the chance you took, than to regret you never took the chance. :D
  18. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    I am on the receiver side of your question, PL. Not sure if I am qualify at all to offer anything :oops: but here's my situation at the moment:

    My dance partner (from 14 years ago) have recently shown interest in dating me. His timing is at the exact point where I'm recovering from a pretty significant burn from (you guessed it) a salsero; AND he knew that.

    It could have worked either way. I could have accepted his kind & genuine offer, seeking comfort during my vulnerable time. Or, I could be honest (to him & myself) and stay friends/dance partners instead.

    I chosed the latter. I must have really disappointed him :( .

    So far (fingers crossed) our dance relationship hasn't been affected, as I oringinally feared (AND fully prepared for). I am happy & relieved, to say the least :D .

    Who knows what the future might bring....? Talk to her, take a chance, but make it light......

    Good luck!
  19. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    salsachinita... sorry to hear it... I know how bad it can be... I quit dancing for 3 months and could not even listen to Salsa music after breaking up with a salsero... got into this horrible nervous breakdown...
    still, one question (hope I'm not too... intrusive) - why not give it a try with your partner? I mean, if you are attracted to the guy...
  20. Vin

    Vin New Member

    I have been in this situation. The girl was not interested. Things were actually pretty comfortable between us since I didn't take it personally.
    In fact after I made my intentions clear is when we became dance partners. I would definitely go after someone who is a good match for me on the dance floor again.
    The point is:
    I would go for it, if she is not interested don't take it personally and try to keep things comfortable.

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