Salsa > Women redirecting dances

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by Ron Obvious, Jul 10, 2006.

  1. africana

    africana New Member

    I totally understand the guys' point(s) of view, but I guess we just have to disagree:
    I don't think this is a big problem, it's not even on the same level as a rejection because in my experience, "re-direction" is never done with malicious intent. Most of the time we just want to share a good time, or at least indicate that even if we're am not in the condition/mood/whatever to dance, a friend might appreciate that dance instead, without having to say no
    especially if one person is getting more requests than they can fill atm. it's a form of sharing lol man-sharing heehee and it's actually quite self-less in intent
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. africana

    africana New Member

    sounds like a "get your revenge" proposal LOL so many things to say...but i can't say them here:p

    oh and I've asked and been asked by tons of unsmiling men to dance in my day, and have had some intensely satisfying dances :) So boys, smiling is not on my list of requirements for determining who can deliver quality...
    although I have to say I personally like to use the "pissed" look to deter certain ppl from approaching/asking me, it's not 100% proof though, unfortunately



    j/k!


    sorta
     
  3. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Let's get real people, women have hierachies/preferences just like the men do. Whether it's on the dance floor, at the work place, or on the street, it's a fact of life. I can't believe some of the suggestions made here such as (quote from memory) "it would appear women are not allowed to have hierarchies of their own". Women DO have hierarchies of their own. Seriously, like you need anybody's permission to establish your hierarchy, to select your parteners or what not. Everybody has priorities, preferences, that's how we go through life. Otherwise we'd be like a ship without a captain, drifting at the mercy of the wind.

    And victimizing thoughts like "i remember 2 decades ago when you invited the girl next to me and didn't even say hello so I will always remember I wasn't your first choice". Everybody is going through this. Drop the ego and carry on.

    Redirection is not a big deal, WHO CARES? The only thing to be noted about it is that it may put both the lead who's asking and her friend in an uncomfortable situation. That is all, end of story. If it happens, I'm sure both will survive. Would I presonally ask her again?...depends on the particulars of the situation. If makes me feel too uncomfortable due to her social ignorance, then I won't. Why would I. But if I'm in a super good mood, I'll just dance with whoever the target of the redirection was and make another friend.
     
  4. azzey

    azzey Member

    Dance is as much a social interaction as conversation. In this context when someone you know well comes over to say hi and talk with you and you re-direct him to talk with your friend by politely saying "hi j, how are you? oh me - I'm tired, would you talk with my friend? she's new here." is not rude at all. Notice it's a polite question, not an order.

    Now if someone you don't know well/or at all comes over to talk with you and you say to him straight away "talk with my friend..", how does that come off?

    A much more polite way would be to chat briefly and introduce your friend, then let them see if they hit it off.

    Having someone in mind (selected) to talk to across the room, making your way to them, politely saying to people you cross paths who want to talk with you "hi i'm on my way to talk with rachel, chat with you later." does not make that person rude. It's all in how sincere and friendly you are as a person.

    I think much of the problem in Salsa scenes with rejection is to do with people making it an either or situation - either talk with me for 4 minutes or not at all. There's often no chatting and reading of the situation from someones body language.. this is how we know if someone wants to talk with us more and this is how we should also guage if someone wants to dance with us. Then ask them..
     
  5. Houdinni

    Houdinni New Member

    And after that, exactly what pleasure do you think the said friend will derive from dancing with you, exactly?! :|
     
  6. Houdinni

    Houdinni New Member

    I quite understand that if you have a friend who's new at scene with you, you'd ask the leads you have more trust with to invite her to dance.

    What I don't quite getis in an invitation who was directed at you, why to redirect. Just say no, if you don't wish to dance!

    Otherwise you'll risk putting 2 people in a difficult situation, one doing a pity dance, or the friend being rejected with no need.

    I think it's easy to assume that the lead can invite said friend of his own accord if he wishes to, or the friend can invite whoever peases her if she so wishes no? We are in the 21st century after all...

    (This doen't aply ofcouse, if we're talking of people who know each other well... I assumed at the begginig od the topic this wasn't the case...)
     
  7. africana

    africana New Member

    ehh you guys just want more power than you already have :rolleyes:
     
  8. ash88

    ash88 New Member

    Africana, are you saying that women don't have hierachies? Pleeeeeeze. EVERYONE has preferences...and funnily enough, not just in salsa either. If there's a follower i don't particularly like dancing with, who cares? If she thinks the same about me, good for her. Men and women are exactly the same on this point. It's a HUMAN thing.

    To make it out as though men are the only ones who do this is completely inaccurate.
     
  9. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    Actually, like I wrote in the beginning, it's a follower I know, not well, but at least the name and we've danced a couple of times. But I don't know her that well that I would open up a discussion of, what I still think is a minor issue.

    I didn't mind being rejected (actually I had danced once before this evening with this girl), and I didn't mind dancing with the beginner either. I just didn't like the fact that somebody else was making the decision with whom I shall dance. That's how it felt, but again, I now realise that that probably wasn't her intention.
     
  10. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    smaaaarrt... ;)
     
  11. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    And your point is... ;)
     
  12. azzey

    azzey Member

    I also like to choose who I date, does that make me power mad? Or could it be that you can't come back with a better argument.. hmm? LOL.
     
  13. africana

    africana New Member

    would you like to take this outside??



    :lol:
     
  14. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    passed on

    First, you two sound like you are married to each other !!! ( or is that me and my ex ? ) let me give you another perspective, being a pro. and dancing, until recently, 5 and 6 nites a week, can,t count the times I have been " passed " on ,to girlfriends , wives, sisters even once to someones grandmother- how the hell can you refuse that !! ( actually, she was pretty good ) In some respects its a compliment, but, must agree with most others, ladies, please , if I had wanted your relative, friend, etc., that is who I would have asked . And, dont mind obliging after my first request is met .
     
  15. azzey

    azzey Member

    God you're easy to pull. ROFL.
     
  16. africana

    africana New Member

    obviously not since you have failed at getting me to agree with you :p
     

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