Salsa > Women refusing to dance....*(&!*&!!

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by Salsaonone, Mar 14, 2005.

  1. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    You know, sometimes you HAVE to get rude.

    This past weekend, some would ask me to dance and I would say, "no thank you." They would ask again and again my reply, "no thank you." They would say, "please???" By this point, I was getting irritated and I said, "sorry, no thanks." A final request and by this time, Cat had heard enough and grabbed me by the arm and screams at him, "SHE JUST SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU (and starts going off on him in Spanish)."

    He finally went away.

    Boys, if a girl rejects you for whatever reason and you persist...don't whine if she DOES get rude. Sometimes you have to...
  2. Kindra

    Kindra New Member

    What would happen to salsa if there were no beginners?
    Beginners need lots of encouragement so they will keep working and coming out!
    Say yes (atleast once)...give the fella a try!
  3. i_am_cjb

    i_am_cjb New Member

    No, not really. If they kept badgering you for more dances, that would be a bit much, but beginners need to dance, and they need to feel that it's good to ask people to dance.
    If I asked someone to dance, and she said she's a beginner, the last thing I would do is change my mind and walk off.
  4. aragonh

    aragonh New Member

    I like to state for the record that I have never turned down a request to dance.

    Not even from guys :!: :!: :!:

    (These are the guys who want to be led!)

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I am in total agreement. :cheers:
  6. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    Actually, when I am asked to dance by someone I KNOW is way better than I. I will say, "I'm just a beginner" or that I have only been dancing a year and then continue to say, "I do understand if you would like to dance with someone else and I'll dance with you on something I'm better at." I just hate to ruin people's dances.

    Sometimes they accept my option to bow out gracefully and they DO come back on my better dances. Sometimes they say to heck with it, let's dance any how.

    That's always how I handle it.
  7. aragonh

    aragonh New Member

    I get some of these "disclosures" when I ask a lady to dance. I just say "Just have fun!!!" and I try to make the dance as fun for her as possible.

    After all, dancing should just be about having fun.
  8. wuthering

    wuthering New Member

    I only walked off once, when the guy was an absolute beginner and he started pushing me around. I told him gently that I could show him the basic steps and he said he didn't care, he just wanted to have fun. He started pelvis grinding and that's where I exited stage left.

    So I wouldn't walk off, but I'd prefer to know from the start. It can be frustrating if it happens on one of my fav songs when I feel like dancing my brains out. Otherwise I'm quite patient, and often during instructions guys ask me to help them understand the new steps, which I gladly do.
  9. Merrylegs

    Merrylegs Well-Known Member

    This topic is pushing my buttons and I'm trying to say this in a nice way: I can't help wondering if this woman refused your multiple invitations because she saw you doing something off-putting earlier in the evening or at an earlier time? Your lingering anger over the situation leads me to believe that this isn't a first time occurance. Maybe a little self-eval is in order.

    The phrase "No means No" is ringing in my ears. You don't need to add an explanation. Period.

    I've pretty much stopped going to "regular dance clubs" because I can't stand all the aggressive guys who can't get past their own fragile egos. You know, if a woman refuses me then there must be something wrong with HER. Conversely, I am sick of the mentality that if I accept a dance from a guy then I must also want to go home with them or, at least, give them my telephone number.

    Can't a woman dance, or not dance, if she wants to? Sheesh!

    I've refused to dance ever again with a guy at a local weekly ballroom event because one night he, um, reached out for a handful of my breasts while I was dancing with him. Both hands! (both breasts!) He's a bit sleazy and I had always felt a little uncomfortable around him. Well, I guess I was right to! I danced with him because of that old saw that you shouldn't refuse an invitation to dance. Screw that!

    He stayed away from me for about a year but started asking me again recently. I just say no. Does he think I really want a repeat performance? Or that I forgot about it? Give me a break!

    Sorry if I'm coming on a little strong, but dang it, where are the boundaries!?
  10. wuthering

    wuthering New Member

    Michelle, I've had some of that too, years ago. The guy was insolent enough to tell me after the dance that if I won't dance with him again and won't let him take me home, he'll spread out word about me in the dance community so that no good dancer would invite me ever again. :evil: :roll: :lol: :lol: He even tried to convince me into buying him drinks, if I remember well.
  11. alemana

    alemana New Member

    michelle speaks very wisely.
  12. i_am_cjb

    i_am_cjb New Member

    Absolutely fair enough. No way you should have to put up with that.

    Hmm. Reminds me of the closest I came to saying no in the last couple of months. The song was "Quimbara"; if you don't know it (whaaat?), it starts about as fast as "Indestructible" or "La Banda", and get faster, faster than a bar per second, up to slightly faster than "Welcome to the Party".
    I didn't say I wouldn't dance with her, I just said it was quite a fast track. She wasn't put off, so we danced, and did better than I thought we would, staying on time, if moving a little raggedly. I thanked her after we danced, and she said I went too fast...
  13. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    :shock: Wow! If I were you, I would take that as a compliment! It is one thing for a guy to feel threatened and tell you (a member of the same sex) to leave "his" girl alone. But for a woman to feel threatened and tell you (a member of the opposite sex) to leave "her" girl alone" :shock: :lol: Take it as a compliment!!! :wink:
  14. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    But you're talking about a different thing here, when the guy behaves badly. Then you're of course entitled to be rude.

    But I was referring to an instance when I just wanted to dance (there was a really good song playing), but all the people i knew were already dancing. So i just asked this one woman to dance, and she gave me a blunt no probably because she thought I was hitting on her, which I wasn't. If a guy asks politely to dance, then at least you can say "No, thank you". But just "No" is so rude. This girl is actually on the same dance course, but I don't think that she had noticed it at that point.

    One other time I also just asked a girl to dance, and she accepted. But on the dance floor it turned out she couldn't dance, but just wanted grope. That was also insulting.

    Why can't a guy just dance without people thinking that he's hitting on women?

    I know that beginners do make mistakes, but it doesn't excuse bad behaviour.

    The totally agree to the phase "No means no", but with a slightly different interpretation: don't expect that no to turn into a yes later either. So think before you say no that you mean it.
  15. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Just to keep things fair :wink: "Why can't a girl just dance without people thinking that she's hitting on the guys? :wink:
  16. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    Yes, but that's what they've been arguing for the whole thread, and was in effect what I was responding to.
  17. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    I know, but just thought I would "throw" that in anyway :wink:
  18. Well, initially I was a little shocked, but then I sort of thought it might be a compliment since I was in no way badgering her or even asking for a second dance. This was at a night club, not at a regular dancing establishment. I left shortly after anyways. Just not my kind of scene.
  19. Yeah, her Mistress was some kind of an enforcer! I could only imagine the discipline her girlfriend got later on for inviting me back to her table!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock: :wink:
  20. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    bro, i know the feeling. i've walked up to women near the dance floor, who have refused me with the most ruthless "No" imaginable. And then I would see them wait for the next unsuspecting guy, and swat him like a fly too.

    but look, we are men. we need to take it in our stride. the bottom line is she said no. there could be a million reasons including reason # 1654 : her dog died. but that doesn't change the fact that she said no. And even if we find out why she said no, she'll still say no if we ask her again.

    The only respectable thing to do is to smile, say 'thanks' and walk away with your head held high. Retaliating in a rude fashion to a rude woman only shows how rude we are.

    with time, our fragile egos become very resilient.

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