Dancers Anonymous > Would u tell if u see someone cheating his/her SO?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by HM, Nov 26, 2006.

  1. HM

    HM New Member

    Of course no one like to mess up other people relationships- especially b/c it's usually only a suspicion (if you don't catch them "in action").

    But on the other hand if no one tells her (most of the time it's the girl at least in my experience) how should she find out?
     
  2. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    This is so related to salsa...
     
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    am sure a salsa mod will move this(to GD...drat...anticipating fireworks already) when they wake up from what I hope was a wonderful night out salsa dancing
     
  4. HM

    HM New Member

    for me this is very Salsa related because this kind of behaviour is what i observe more in the Salsa scene than anywhere else.

    but if the post should be moved please go ahead
     
  5. desinel

    desinel New Member

    I certainly wouldn't get myself involved in telling anything to anyone... she willl soon find out... ladies can normally sense it...
     
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    ..HM, I see now...well, that will be a call for the salsa mods...on it's face it seemed like a general dance or even a dancers anonymous question ...but they will decide...
     
  7. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Maybe you're just involved in the salsa scene's interpersonal dynamics more than any other arena's dynamics, so that's where you see it. I somehow doubt the salsa scene has a lock on infidelity. (Said as a ballroomer who recently witnessed lots of draaaamaaaa.)
    My answer, if I knew without a doubt, and I considered myself to be in the friendship sphere of the cheated upon, I'd say something. I'd want to be told myself. But it's rare to know without a doubt what's going on in someone else's life. And I'd only want to hear unsubstantiated rumors about my husband from a friend who wants to share them as an amusing story, not as a warning about the impending doom of my marriage.
     
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Eh. Not sure if it fits one dance genre better than another. But my answer? It depends. If it was just some girl/guy acquaintance at the club, mum's the word. Not my biz.

    If, OTOH, it was someone I knew more closely, I might have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. As much as it sucks sometimes, I really feel that I owe my friends as much truth as I can give them. Yes. I know that old saying, "The truth will out." It will -- eventually. But I don't want my friend to be an unwitting victim any longer than necessary, if there's anything I can do about it.

    I say this knowing full well that many women absolutely reject the possibility of an SO's cheating, when someone tells them. (and possibly men -- I have never seen that, so I don't know ) The first instinct is to defend the cheater -- denial, I guess. But I don't want having withheld the truth on my conscience. Nor do I want my girlfriend, months or years later, saying to me, "I can't believe you knew but you didn't tell me!" It's been known to happen, more's the pity. :?
     
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    hmm...I guess that if it wasn't obvious that the dude was a player ( i.e many folks do like to stick their head in the sand and don't take well to friends helping them pull it out) and if it wasn't some sort of pathetic abherration form an otherwise decent human being (that is, that the person was in fact a habitual bum) and the cheated upon party was my friend, and I was certain that she would want to know...then i would tell...otherwise, probably not...but yea I'd want to know...if cheating meant ongoing, er, intimate knowlege
     
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I have a girlfriend who ... Hmm. Let's just say her SO is a habitual bum. And everybody knows it, including my friend. But she's chosen not to acknowledge the infidelity, in order to maintain the status quo in her relationship. Her decision. We all have different parameters around what's acceptable in a relationship. *shrug*

    And, in the hypothetical situation where infidelity seems to be an aberration for an otherwise good person ... wow. That's a tough one. Not sure how I'd handle that, when it comes to telling a friend. But yeah. There is ambiguity, here. Not everything fits neatly into one bucket or the other. :?
     
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    dunno, maybe some folks would say that's like being sorta pregnant but I see some layers to the issue....main thing is, I think that if the person is your freind and you know her and the guy fairly well, you've gotta have a pretty good idea whether or not she wants to know...as you have said P
     
  12. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Probably best to choose on a case by case basis.
     
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Agreed. It depends. :cool: :)
     

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