General Dance Discussion > would you date or marry someone who is not a dancer?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by yoyao, Sep 10, 2003.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I think your reading of those passages is right on point, HothouseSalsero. There are several New Testament passages that forbid interfaith marriages. I think this is quite relevant to the discussion of dance/non-dance relationships, as well. Since dance becomes such an all-consuming passion (similar to religion for some), it can become difficult to build or maintain relationships between dancers and non-dancers, I think.
  2. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    I completely agree with this Jenn!

    I think it is important to keep in mind that for some dance is not just an activity but, rather, a lifestyle with its own embedded frames of reference and value systems as well.

    While I say that salsa is one of my two religions, as a joke, in the clubs... I'm not sure if it really is (a joke that is).
  3. I'm not sure how relevant the issue is to dancing, but I find it hard to resist a religious tangent.

    I don't think I ever answered the original question. I wouldn't rule it out completely, but I would very much prefer that anyone I am in a serious relationship with would be a dancer (and a salsa dancer at that). In practice, my social life has come to revolve around dancing in the past few years, so chances are that the next person I date will be someone who dances.

    Since I have become a lot less active with dancing than I once was, I have to admit I have had some doubts about whether it would really be so impossible to give it up.
  4. I sometimes joke about salsa being my religion (period). It does provide a type of experience which I think is closer to a religious experience than anything else in my life right now. (Possibly some non-dancing experiences listening to music, comes close as well.)

    I remember that especially when I first started dancing, I would find myself saying things to myself like: "The universe is dancing."
  5. golddancer

    golddancer New Member

    Your situation is one I used to fear would happen to me. That is why it is important to share this interest that is important to me. My goal with my dancing is very time consuming so the person I would be involved with needs to understand that point and be supportive.
  6. golddancer

    golddancer New Member

    This is something I completely agree with-- It is a difficult point when you are attracted to someone and have chemistry with them. I watched my parents struggle with this issue and it hurt a lot.
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Exactly. The significant other needs to be supportive. The thing is, as I told my ex the other day, anybody who wants to be with me now is just going to have to deal with the fact that I dance. That's non-negotiable, because dance is a part of me now. There's no going back.
  8. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    This IS the point I have been trying to make! Even if it means my options in this area can be somehow limited :roll: ! (my local salsa world can get a bit too small & incestuous :twisted: )

    So I guess the best way is to go with the flow (while keeping your eyes open :shock: ) & see what happens!?
  9. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Me too!

    Well-put, Jenn :notworth: !
  10. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Me three!! Since dance is a significant part of my life I couldn't do it with someone who doesn't want to deal with my dancing. Note that this doesn't necessarily mean the person must be a dancer!! :)
  11. KevinL

    KevinL New Member

    Would I date or marry someone who doesn't dance? Sure, but where would I meet them? If they didn't dance, what would we do together? I spend almost every evening dancing, or with my daughter. There is almost no time for another person in my life, and if they couldn't fit in around my dancing, when would we spend time together?

    Also, how many women who don't dance would be tolerant of my dancing with lots of other women (and some men)?

  12. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    i love dance (ballroom/swing&lindy/salsa/argentine tango/WCS/etc.). i can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who couldn't or wouldn't dance. even so, it was hard, but i chose to give up certain potential relationships in the past with people with whom there was mutual attraction & a lot of commonalities and they were great followers to boot, but we had differences in faith.

    i think it's different as a guy though; it seems harder for a female to find a guy who even wants to learn how to dance, much less one that's already an accomplished leader. as such, i've taken some advice from some dance friends whose opinion i respect (ironically, we don't necessarily share the same spiritual convictions) and instead of looking first for someone who's mastered certain dance technique(s), to find the type of person i want to be with in terms of convictions & character as long as she understands my passion for dance and exhibits the potential to become a good dancer (which can be somewhat subjective for everyone but can be as simple as being able to identify the beat in a song and moving to it) and just as importantly, being the type of person that would make her want to dance with me.
  13. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Very true tsb. If you find a person who understands and supports your passion it isn't necessary that they be a dancer. DDL (dancerdreamland) is a great example of that!!
  14. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    Although there is not a jealous thread in my body, I often wonder if I were not a dancer, sometime-competitor, would I be jealous of Carolyn's dancing?

    Hey, she and her Pro practice sometimes up to five times a week, and on some weekends, they may practice 4 or 5 hours on both of those days. Then there is the opportunity for them to travel to events to compete, and sometimes I cannot go.

    Nah . . . no problem in my head. I trust her 100% . . . it's not even a trust issue . . I am secure in my relationship. It's her kids, dancing, and me all tied for second, right after her God!

    I had to attend one of her practices once, just to reassure her Pro (he was uneasy with this), that sometimes (refer to the thread on this) it is OK if he grabs a handful of boob or her a** every now and then. I actually eased his mind when it happened, and asked him "how much I owed him for the warmup fee."

    Now, would anyone, who has never danced and never accidently grabbed a handful of something, be secure in watching his or her spouse get grabbed??? . . . or spend a lot of time with another??? . . . or laughing and talking in their own language before, during, and after a competition???

    I wonder???
  15. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Hmmm.......maybe I'm not the most objective person right now, but I'm still thinking about the choices we make.

    For the last 15 years, every relationship I've had were dance related (even the non-dancers).............

    I am so tempted to say 'NO DANCERS NEED APPLY', but I know I'd change my mind soon enough :roll: ..........

    Ok, how about 'PLAYERS NEED NOT APPLY'.........?

    (sorry, guys, I will be back to my normal self real soon, I promise :oops: )
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    The only problem is that players rarely look like players up front. They look like nice guys, who just need a little help. You only find out when it's too late. Grr. :x
  17. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    Hmm, I'm in the boat from a different perspective salsachinita...I've never dated a dancer before and as I'm getting to know more women in my dance circles I find myself saying "maybe I shouldn't date dancers."

    But then again...I've realized just how much dance has meant to me recently. I'm not as much of a salsa freak as some...but I do manage to go out 3-4 times a week...its a big part of my life now.

    I am meeting some women who are just the type to lead a guy on (that's how I got started in Salsa in the first place!)...but I can't let that get me down. I've encountered a lot of people that I really don't want to be around...and gone to some venues where I would not want to hook up with anyone who was a regular there. (ie meat market galore) :oops:

    Well, I'll just keep dancing for now...I'm in no hurry to get involved with anyone...but even as I type this, I know part of me is saying "you're full of it!" :shock:

    Hmm...oh well. Such is life. :wink:
  18. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I actually seem to lead people on!! Or they get confused! :oops: But salsachinita, and you other ladies...I don'T!! :headwall: This might sound egoistic, BUT I think I'm too nice a person to do it.
  19. peachexploration

    peachexploration New Member

    Amen to this. Often times, you have to be a doctor of human behavioral sciences to figure this one out. :?

    Unfortunately, the numbers for bad guys outweigh the numbers for good guys like you Sagitta. :D But at least, there is still hope. :D
  20. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Yeah. I think it is the misunderstanding of latin dance as sexy/flirting, my love for teaching dance....[shrug] I am one of the few people out there who will flirt during a merengue, bachata...:? That why I don't like some songs such as techno merengues!!

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