Dancers Anonymous > Would you do it ?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by cl5814, May 16, 2006.

  1. cl5814

    cl5814 New Member

    Given this scenario, would you do it ?

    This is an on the spot scenario, you don't have more than 5 minutes to think about whether you would do it or not. It is based on a true life scenario.

    Consider Person A a fairly smooth talker; can sell you something you don't want and you would buy it at the end of conversation.

    Person A wants information from Person B. Person A does not want to approach Person B directly (via phone or in person), for whatever reason. So person A contacts you (Person C), knowing that you know person B (as friend / coworker / neighbor / workout buddy whatever). Person A tells you a (soapy story (??); probably not entirely honest about whole history with you, but you (person C) don't know it) story about Person B and asks you if you don't mind asking Person B some questions; conveying the answers back to Person A.

    Would you do it initially, your first reaction would be Yes ?
    A second time (person A comes back to you with more questions....) ?
    Would you do it if you were paid/received benefits for it ?
    Would you do it if you received no benefits from it ?
    Would you do it for some specific questions........?

    If you refuse to do it, is it because you consider it as harassment ? Or that every person can do their dirty work themselves....... ? You consider other people's privacy, well, private !

    I guess there might be few circumstances where this behaviour might be accepted, what are those ?

    Say Person B never introduced you (person C) to person A. Would you question how person A knew about you and had your contact details ? Assume that person B might have talked about person A, occassionally; but never shared contact details whatsoever.

    Let's hear it............. no right or wrong answers, just sharing your reaction to this scenario.
  2. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    It would depend if I know person A in person from somewhere else and on the nature of information requested. For example, her's a situation when I would agree to ask person B. My son is in a small school, and they have some community events through out the year. We've been at this school for 3 years, so we're a bit of old-timers. So if, let's say parent A approached me and asked if I could find out if another parent in my son's class was going to be at start-of-year picnic, I probably would ask the person B.
  3. PasoDancer

    PasoDancer New Member

    Wow- I felt like I just took the SAT again.

    (My answer is "Eh, I dunno.")
  4. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Lol! Been there and done that with my x. The thing is that I felt as though I was taking care of everything for him and not doing what I needed to in order to take care of me. It's like they drag you in, because they know they can. But you accept it, because you are a friend etc. Well, I became more of a mother I think than even a girlfriend, because of this type of scenario. And when I said that I wouldn't do that any more, things got ugly pretty quickly. But you live and learn don't you? And the funny thing is that everyone thinks I'm the one that is being mean to him when he was the one that was using me to get what he wanted. Oh well. ;)
  5. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    I would tell Person A to ask Person B himself. I hate getting in the middle of crap.
  6. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    As described, too vague for me to answer. It would depend on what the information was, why A didn't want to ask him/herself, and what my realtionship with both was like. For example, if A wanted me to find out what B wanted for Christmas, I'd probably do it. But if I regarded A as you described (i.e. used car salesperson-type), I'd be more cautious about doing it under any circumstances. And if anyone offerred to pay me for getting information from a friend or acquaintance, I'd tell them to stuff it!
  7. bjp22tango

    bjp22tango Active Member

    From your set up of of the scenario is smells highly fishy to me and since I don't like my own privacy invaded, I wouldn't be in any hurry to invade anyone elses.

    There must be SOME reason A doesn't think B wants to talk to them. It's probably a good one.
  8. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I've been thinking about this post, and have thought about a few answers for you.

    Since I don't know how safe this situation is, I would say to ask a lot of questions before getting involved. If it could lead to something criminal, then absolutely not. This sort of makes me wonder if it is criminal, because you mention things like payment. My advice then would be to say no.

    It depends on how safe this situation is. If it's just hey... I'd like to know if this guy thinks I'm cute, then they come back to you a second time and ask you to ask them if they are seeing someone, then go ahead. But if they are hounding you to ask questions that you don't feel comfortable with then absolutely not.

    I do stuff for people all of the time when it comes to researching people over the Internet etc. They know I can find information over the Internet, but I would never ask for payment or anything like that. And I would never go as far as accepting payment over a situation that I just don't feel comfortable in helping, and I honestly wouldn't take payment from anyone when it doesn't cost me anything to do my type of research. And to be honest when I read your post, you seem as though you have doubts. My advice would be to not get involved if you have any doubts.

    It depends on the situation. If no one was going to get hurt and it was just simple fun questions like, ask this guy if he thinks I'm cute, then yes. Otherwise, you might be asking for trouble if you get yourself to involved in a situation that you can't control once you are in it.

    This doesn't really make sense to me.

    Let me at least tell you this much. I've done it before to help a friend out. I was in it to deep that I couldn't get out of it, because I knew to much and I still know to much and they counted on me more than anyone else. But since I'm friends with them, then it's ok because they have helped me in the past. But sometimes I had wished that I weren't involved with their situation even though it was only two people that were breaking up at the time and even though they were my friends. I was young though and didn't know any better lol. Just trying to help two friends out was all. And why would it be harassment? Are they threatening you?

    It depends on whom I am helping and what our relationship is. I like helping people though, so I will help them when I can. But I won't ever hurt anyone or get involved in something criminal etc., or that could possibly lead to something criminal cause to me that's just not worth it.
  9. cl5814

    cl5814 New Member

    Wow, thanks to all for answering.

    ok, now i'll add that person A and person B were potential dating partners at some point in history. (I didn't want to add it in my original post so as not to influence any reponses).

    Person A = man and Person B = woman; Both professionals in their careers.
    Person A wanted personal to very personal information about Person B.

    If you really, really, really, wanted to talk to somebody, then you will do whatever it takes to do so in person, no matter the consequences or how badly your ego would/could be hurt during conversation. Anyone agree ?

    To the men that are reading this........

    Is this the modern way of dating ? Would you ever use this "dating" strategy ?
    Should you decide to play the game this way - for how long would you play it using a third party (various person C's) ?
    What is your perception of someone that choose to do it this way ?


    What do you think about the scenario ? Say this scenario lasted for 6 months or more, would you eventually "forgive" the man and go out with him in any case? I mean, now he knows everything about you (well, as he would like to believe), you know almost nothing about him. Maybe he can then do exactly what you would like 100 % of the time ? (Is this how men think ?)
  10. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    It depends on the situation. I could not forgive my x for hurting me and lying to me and everything else that went on, and we had known each other for years. The trust is basically shot though. So, I guess you could say that if the trust just isn't there any more, then you can forget it. Because no matter how much I still love my x, I can not bring myself to trust him the same way ever again.

    *Had to edit to say this... Oh and one of the things that I said to my x was that he had to love all of me no matter what and that there were some things that I hadn't told him that we needed to discuss. I also meant that he had to love me though thick and thin. And as soon as one thing went wrong, he was out the door. But yet I had to accept everything on his end. I was like, this is not right. You have to accept everythng on my end if you love me. Anyways, he didn't. The rest is history.
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Amen. This looks like a disaster waiting to turn around and bite you in the butt.
  12. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    I would be flattered to know that someone asked ONCE for general information about me, such as whether I'm available or even what I might like to do. I would be creeped out to learn that someone was asking for extensive personal information about me over a period of time--sounds like the beginning of stalking behavior. I would not go out with someone who did that.
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    From their post though, it sounds like the two actually dated at one time. But then we must ask, why did they break up? Maybe the guy has a restraining order on him or something. You really have to think about the safety involved on both sides of the issue.

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