Dancers Anonymous > Would you except flowers from someone if...

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by SPratt74, May 13, 2006.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Good. I'm glad you hear it. :cool:
     
  2. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Being angry AT anyone usually isn't a good idea. Anger wells up naturally and it is much better to slow down, analyze the root of the anger, and find a self-respecting and considerate of others way to act accordingly. For men and women. ;)
     
  3. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Lol! I know. You are right, but when you are mad you tend to just let it all out and then anything can happen at that point! ;)
     
  4. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    You may not be able to keep your body from feeling angry, yet you could choose to slow it down, and then determine how to react from there, rather then letting anything happen.
     
  5. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    But what's the fun in that, because I always feel better when I let stuff out at the time, because I know that I will never bring myself to say what I need to when I need to say it! :p
     
  6. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I think you can train yourself to react to things in certain ways... if you condition yourself to react to anger physicially, for example, "letting it out" by working with a punching bag... that is a recipe for domestic abuse, for a guy: jail sentence. Obviously, its much harder to prove emotional abuse... so conditioning yourself to react verbally is at least "safer", but you can mess up people at least as badly.

    I think DP's advice is pretty good.
     
  7. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Sometimes what our feelings cause us to say isn't always what is needed. ;)

    Patience, practice, and perserverance pays off in the long run. :cool:
     
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and sometimes it is what is needed....it just depends upon our level of consciousness IMO and whether or not we have considered it before, as well as having considered the consequences
     
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    I could go at at length about this but instead I would suggest you read Marshall Rosenburg on Non-Violent Communication.
     
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    don't get me wrong...I am not at all suggesting or meaning to advocate communicating in a violent angry way as being generally beneficial (other than momentarily for the person venting)...but I AM saying that there are occasioanlly people who are so resistant to listening that only theo most extreme response has any effect upon them...and this is occasionally neccessary...I am not at all for venting one's spleen on a regular basis as some sort of self-indulgent therapuetic cleansing...certainly there is enough of that in the world and I do understand the web-like consequence...
     
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I'll take a look at this. I've spent a lot of time pondering this topic and am not sure I've hit upon a balance that I like. I think that sometimes there's a thin line between assertive communication (setting my boundaries and taking care of my feelings) and aggressive communication (taking care of my feelings while violating other people's boundaries.)

    This issue is hard for me to manage, sometimes. I'll definitely take a look at the book. :cool:
     
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Woohoo! My public library doesn't have it. But amazon does. :D
     
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    btw, what I should probably say out loud is that, in this case, I'm totally with DP. Randomly (or not-so-randomly) venting anger can be a very hurtful thing, IMO. I think it hurts both the venter and the ventee (Yes. I know that's not a word. lol)

    I prefer to find more ... well-thought-out ... ways to communicate. It takes a lot longer and isn't nearly as much fun. But I truly believe that it helps to preserve relationships, in the long run. And I'm a sucker for trying my best to keep friends and loved ones, rather than losing them over thoughtless spats. *shrug* What can I say? :wink:
     
  14. Laura

    Laura New Member

    Someone once told me that throwing ice at a brick wall is a great way to vent anger. Just do it outside so you don't have to clean up.

    I've never tried it, though. And I don't think simply throwing ice solves any problems...but it might calm someone down enough so that they don't throw a punch at someone.
     
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I've tried punching pillows. That's what "they" always recommend, right? Bzzzzzzt... Didn't work. I just felt warmed up to really punch the people who were frustrating me. :?
     
  16. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Conciousness, consideration, and consequences are all important factors. :cool:

    I feel strongly that anger needs to be recognized first. If then a person chooses a violent action, not good in my view. It is how one expresses the anger that can be key, which then implies careful consideration of the circumstances. A recognition of the consequences can also help us act in a relatively responsible manner as well.
     
  17. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Ideally I agree. The issue then becomes whether or not the other person is commited to the same style of resolution as the we are (and I'm not debating what Pygmalion has written, but instead continuing from her point). If not, this doesn't entitle us to acting as they do, but we could act in a manner consistent with self-perservation if need be.
     
  18. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Sometimes my mother would tell me to go kick a tree. That slowed me down real quick. :lol:
     
  19. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I agree with you! ;)
     
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yep...I'm not advocating violence...just not into always restraining anger either...b/c it can then have just the effect we are talking about...an uncontrolled violent outburst...evne then things can always be salvaged between loving people when it isnt a recurrent pattern IMO...I tend to forgive those things when they aren't consisent failures...but definately steer away from it when they are patterns...as for my alternates to said behavior...I like working out...and sex
     

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