At the risk of misreperesenting Non-Violent Communication; the key words are: Feelings Needs Observation Request for example: I feel angry when I observed you [doing whatever] because my need for fairness was not being met. I request that you do x y z. NB a request gives the other person a choice! if you insist the other person does something then its a demand! Lots of demands in our society are phrased as requests for politeness. When your boss says Please would you do this or that he probably expects you to do it. that's it a nut shell but there are some important principles; like no-one makes you feel anything(emotionally). Your feelings are your response. Observing without making judgements takes practice and separating the action you see from the response is crucial.