Salsa > Would you get married after the first date?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by salsarhythms, Nov 4, 2003.

  1. salsarhythms

    salsarhythms New Member

    Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...

    But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
    after the first date is a bit much...

    What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?

    Before getting into that, let me say this.

    Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
    own pace...everything.

    As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
    one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...

    ...Another date

    If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
    the details of my life...

    ...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
    phone number, or email, or whatever...

    The point here is taking it step by step.

    This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.

    When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
    Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
    likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...

    ...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.

    You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
    like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...

    It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
    to know will make things awkward.

    After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
    view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
    to start trying out new things.

    But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.

    If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
    but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
    not a pleasant one.

    I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
    they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...

    ...It really didn't look like she was having a good time

    This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
    comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
    not ready for.

    Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...

    If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
    go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.

    Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
    moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
    that the actual time it takes is a short one.

    I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
    other and really go off...

    ...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.

    It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...

    And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
    might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.

    On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...

    So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
    don't force someone to commit on your first dance.

    You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
    the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
    someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
  2. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    Fantastic post Fernando... as always! :D
  3. borikensalsero

    borikensalsero Moderator

    Sweet post!!!
  4. peachexploration

    peachexploration New Member

    Terrific post!! Great analogy and thought provoking! Thanks Fernando!
  5. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    Nice . . . very nice . . .
  6. SwinginBoo

    SwinginBoo New Member

    Great post...and by the way my parents did get engaged on their second date and they're still together. :D (not that I think this is a common occurence)
  7. salsarhythms

    salsarhythms New Member

    Hey SwingingBoo...

    That's pretty awesome about your parents...but that too
    goes with what I was saying...

    Basically there is a natural way of everything developing.

    In your parents case, the actual time it took for their
    relationship to develop into a commitment of marriage
    was quite short by "normal standards", however, to them
    it was a very natural thing...I mean they did get married, and
    they're still obviously, they did let things go

    The problem is when the issue is forced...that's when it's bad.

    In life, relationships, and even dancing...just don't force it,
    let it come naturally...even if it means that it happens quickly
    or never happens at all...
  8. dancergal

    dancergal New Member

    Hey if the guy produces a big enough rock on the second date, I'd say "yes." (Just kidding!!) :D
  9. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    Is that where I went wrong with pygmailon? :shock: No rock? :lol:
  10. Taita

    Taita New Member

    No, you just forgot to hit her over the head with it! :lol:
  11. dancergal

    dancergal New Member

    Sometimes the "bling-bling" (as Jay Leno says) makes the difference! 8)
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Sorry to disappoint you,dancergal, but I'm a hopeless romantic, and I do believe in love at first sight. But no marriage without at least one date! That's what went wrong with SD. Not the absense of bling-bling. No bling-bling required. But I have to have at least one date. :lol:

    And, since we're actually supposed to be talking about salsa, and maybe other forms of dance, I have to agree with salsarhythms. There are some moves I feel comfortable doing with friends, but I wouldn't even attempt with a stranger. How do I know the stranger's not going to drop me? Or feel me up? Or SHOW me up? Or criticize me? It takes time to develop trust.
  13. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    I agree. Nothing worse than being pushed/thrown into some acrobatic moves you are not prepared for!
    I used to run away from these guys as soon as the dance ended (& stayed away) :shock: But now I tried to make conversations with them and found that most of them arn't AWARE that they are doing it....they are just 'pattern dancers'!

    To you, Fernando. Thanks for the fantastic analogy....! :bouncy:

    We need to make sure EVERYONE gets to read it!
  14. Danish Guy

    Danish Guy New Member

    Think I will fall in with an appreciating comment here too.

    Great stuff again and with a fine analogy.

    Another of the articles that let you think things over, evaluating yourself.

    :notworth: :notworth: :notworth:
  15. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    Finally had the time to read this. Great post Fernando!! So, SO very true :D
  16. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    It is also forming that trust/chemistry in order for him to take liberties with my arms :lol: With some people I am dancing with for the first time, I can feel that trust/chemistry is there from the second beat, with others it takes a bit longer.
  17. mhgroove

    mhgroove New Member


    That was well written!! I had to remind myself of that last night when I was out dancing. Most of the night, I led pretty well and the women I danced with enjoyed themselves. However, I had one dance with a woman who danced really well. When we danced..I instantly could tell she was bored. I'm pretty basic in salsa dancing. The basic, cross body lead..etc..not a lot of spins and twirls! But, I could tell she was used to be twirled around and I did add a few more spins and twirls(I must admit I haven't got the spinning & twirling down yet). But, it wasn't enough for her and my perfectionist tendencies wanted to take over. Oh, well...I will have to remember your post and realize dance relationships take time! Thx!
  18. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    my parents met on their wedding day. the relationship wasn't always great, but they've been together for over 50 years. another friend will have been happily married to his wife for ten years later this summer. in 1994 he flew back to india, met four women that his family had chosen for him, decided to marry one of them. (note: he had the option to decline to marry should none of them suit his fancy). it seems to me that when you will to love someone, you can.
  19. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Heck no!
  20. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    love is something you feel, not something imposed on you (even if you yourself impose it!)... love fulfills our needs and makes us deliriously happy and/or truly sad... love hurts us and takes us to heaven... !

    LOVE must be felt!

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