Salsa > Would you take your date salsa dancing?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by clave, Aug 20, 2005.

  1. africana

    africana New Member

    and how did they happen to become the best dancers, especially the ones that get good real fast ;)
    unless they trained with a dance team/company/troupe (many of which also pick based on physical appearance/age/etc)
  2. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Rant ahead: :wink:

    Ok, ya'll. Listen up. :wink: I am unimpeachable on this issue. I ask everybody. I understand this is a problem but I am not part of it. I am part of the solution, in fact. Until recently I avoided dancing with (and dating) the hotter set (cuz I was chicken :oops: ) and justified my cowardice by telling myself that I wasn't being shallow. Ok. That's my crap that I'm dealing with. I understand others are coming from a different place and discovering different things than me. Perfectly fine.

    So now I've decided that it's ok to include the hotter set on my plate. Both in dancing and dating. And I'm exersizing courage instead of cowardice. I'm not excluding anybody. I'm including women previously excluded.

    For example ,last night I danced with an older woman ( and not the only one. And I do it not out of charity, but because I enjoy it.) that looked like she wanted to dance. She couldn't follow me or keep time to save her life. So I followed her as well as I could. I'm sure it made me look very beginner-ish but we were enjoying it and we danced three dances. The next four women I asked to dance said no. :lol: (And I knew this might happen but the heck with everybody.) So I went to another part of the room and asked till someone said yes. Then all of a sudden I was getting dances again. :roll:

    There was another woman last night that I did think was hot. I also think she was a good person cuz I danced with her twice and talked a bit with her. Screwed up my courage for that one. That was a good thing. Then I chickened out on getting her number. That was a bad thing. I should not have only danced with her. I think she was a good person and I can only hope I see her again in which case I will be asking her for her number.

    Rant over. :wink:
  3. africana

    africana New Member

    i don't mean to give anyone such a hard time, but it just keeps comin <sigh>

    at least she's a "good person" :p
  4. africana

    africana New Member

    please ignore all my rants, i'm just too young and naive to accept the world as it is
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    then change it one person at a time... :p
  6. africana

    africana New Member

    ehh i'd rather take a nap
  7. tacad

    tacad New Member

    And I at my "advanced" age :wink: have accepted that I can't change some things, even in myself. (Neither of us is inherently right or wrong of course just because of our ages. But this is just where I'm at right now.) But that doesn't mean I give up. :twisted: For example, I don't like the power sexy women have over me. I've tried to ignore it, or act like it wasn't there. But one talks to me and I'm an instant idiot. I decided I can't change this the way I've been going. So now I've decided to take a trip into the lion's den. To take a jump into the ocean. And I'm betting that this is the way out for me. I mean nothing will free me from this like that dance on Saturday where I was dancing with one woman with a scanty top and she had a very "I'm bored" look on her face along the lines of "You're not entertaining me." Frankly I was bored as well, scanty top not withstanding. Or another woman who wanted to talk with me but after 1 and a half minutes heard salsa start to play and said "Ooh, salsa!" and walked straight away from me. And not to dance! :roll: :lol: . Or the woman who when asked if she would like to dance, after first turning away from me hoping I would go away, said "No thank you. I'm picky." And proceeded to point to a different guy to get her dance. :roll: If I had thought quickly enough I would have said "Apparently I'm not picky." But I was so stunned at how silly she was that I was speechless!

    I'm not preaching. This is just where I'm at and how I'm dealing with this issue.

    Please rant away, africana! :wink:
  8. tacad

    tacad New Member

  9. africana

    africana New Member

    i'm serious lol I was out oo late dnaicng last night, now i feel like crap and my brain's all mush
  10. tacad

    tacad New Member

    I had a good time as well! 8)
  11. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    ahh ! the making of a salsero. it is indeed baptism by fire. I also had to deal with the same pain and humiliation but keep in mind:
    - a lot of this embarassment is of our own making. its internal. with time, i learnt to just let it slide off my back.
    - not trying, as you now know, feels just as bad as being ignored or overlooked.
  12. africana

    africana New Member

    please gte that is not my quote :lol:

    geez i'm tired
  13. RugKutta

    RugKutta New Member

    I generally don't take dates salsa dancing unless:

    1) She already knows how to dance. If I go dancing, I go to dance, not to teach. Not that I'm opposed to teaching while dancing; if I just happen to ask a lady to dance and she's a beginner or can't dance at all, I do what I can to help her and make sure that her dance w/ me is a as enjoyable and memorable as it can be. But I won't take someone dacning with me knowing that I'm going to spend the whole time babysitting her and teaching her to dance.

    2) She is comfortable with dancing with everyone. I never dance with just one person when I go out, so I don't want whoever I came with to be like "why is he dancing with everybody else and leaving me all alone by myself?" Whoever comes with me to dance and ultimately whoever I date/marry will have to understand that when we go out, I'm going to dance with everybody. No matter how good the person I dance with is, to me dancing with just one person the whole night is (as someone said earlier, please forgive me for forgetting your name) "boringly boring." But of course, the better the dancer she is, the longer it would take for me to be bored by her :wink:

    I noticed a side-topic about dancing with people who are older/younger/attractive/unattractive.....though I admit to being drawn to the prettier and or younger ladies, I do not descriminate by any means. If you can dance, you can dance, regardless of your age or your outward appearance. I have quite a few regular and favorite partners who eiter are much, much older than me (I'm 22 and have danced w/ ladies old enough to be my mom) or are not attractive to me at all. But like I said, if you can dance, nothing else matters.


    Dude I feel you on the "hot" girls thing.....Being a naturally shy guy, I too tend to chicken out sometimes when it comes to askig the prettier girls to dance and maybe asking for their numbers. Several times I've danced w/ a girl I was attracted to and had a good connection with on the dancefloor and off, and for some stupid reason failed to even ask for her number or email address. I always leave asking myself "how did I let her get away?!?!" But I've since gotten better, and when opportunity arises I make up in my mind that I'm not going to let it slip away w/ out making an attempt.
  14. RugKutta

    RugKutta New Member


    Dude I just read your post that gte quoted, and man I can't help but think, "did tacad write that or did I write that?" Man I can relate to you all too well. One thing that I've noticed that has helped me get over rejection from the hot/pretty/sexy looking girls is that the majority of them who come in looking xtra sexy can't dance that well anyway :lol: As I've said in an earlier post (I think it was the "you know you've improved when.."), I've learned to stop falling into the trap of asking girls to dance based on how cute they are. But ultimately I've learned not to take things personally (though sometimes it's much, much easier said than done) because it's not worth the effort, energy, or emotion to let it get you mad and upset, or even worse to let it ruin your valuable salsa night.

    el amor, la paz, y salsa

  15. africana

    africana New Member

    I don't know how to completely empathize here, but it's obviously hard to divorce this type of issue from the general question of how people pick dancer partners or dates for that matter. By "jumping in" make sure not to over look other possibilities simply because they aren't the image of your fixation or whatever. In the rest of your post I get it, but I know what's it's like to pay too attention to some problem just because one can't conquer it, because it won't yield, thus making it an obsession. Somethings aren't meant to be conqueredf, at least not completely. Everyone needs an achilles heel to remain human

    More explicitly, many men have this habit of fantazing about 'owning' or being seen to own the most outwardly beautiful women, even when they could be happy and content with something else that is not necc less in value. And the more of a (perceived) challenge to get, the more valuable this trophy woman

    not preaching here ;)

    then you shoulda just excused yourself :twisted: politely of course ("frankly ma'am, you bore my *@& off")

    yeah she coulda been more subtle :lol:
    ok that's just evil, even by my standards
  16. tacad

    tacad New Member

    My turn to explain myself. :lol: That particular night I was neither embarrassed or humiliated. It was pretty obvious that they were more into being popular or looking for that really hot guy. Frankly, they were as uninteresting to me as I was to them. But I'm sure I'll feel humiliated another time. :lol: But thanks gte692h!

    EDIT: I guess it did leave me feeling insecure now that I think about it. I'm happy that I pushed through it, though.

    But I'm curious what you mean by it's of our own making. We imagine it?
    Absolutely! Not trying feels worse to me. (*sigh* Like not getting that phone number. :cry: )
  17. Pebbles

    Pebbles New Member

    Ouch! You are not alone in going through this. It's part of the dance experience that beginner guys get, and it's the ugly part. There are women who believe it is ok to be rude and condescending just because she's a woman and you are a guy. They have issues and they usually blame men for everything. However that's her problem, not yours.

    I think you have the right attitude in not letting them ruin your dance experience. Most women in dancing are friendly and wonderful, they are the ones that deserve your time & attention.
  18. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Thanks everybody! I guess I was feeling pretty insecure that night. I guess it did affect me. Ah well we just keep going.
  19. tacad

    tacad New Member

    I try to tell myself this but I keep trying to conquer every problem anyway. :roll:


    :lol: Uhhh. Were you serious?

    holy cow. :shock: What are your standards?
  20. africana

    africana New Member

    of course I'm joking, mostly. Actually I don't recall ever being so rude to anyone, even saying "no" is rare for me.
    although I also don't suffer in silence

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