Salsa > Would you take your date salsa dancing?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by clave, Aug 20, 2005.

  1. Josh

    Josh Active Member

    tacad,

    Your lack of confidence is a little frustrating--however, I'm glad that you are making changes and willing to go for those who you normally would not have gone after before (asking for numbers as well as asking to dance)! It's only frustrating me because I can tell that you CAN BE a confident guy, and you seem to be moving in that direction!

    Your willingness to be open and talk about these things (such as your feelings after being rejected when asking a girl to dance) is an indicator of a double-edged sword: you are a good communicator and open about things, but at the same time this leaves you quite vulnerable to having those same feelings hurt. Do you think this accurately describes you, or am I way off the mark here? I'm usually pretty accurate about these things, partly because I have had self-confidence issues in the past, and still fight them now.

    Speaking only w.r.t. dating, not dancing--one key to not getting down when being rejected is to not offer her the opportunity to reject you in the first place. How do you do this? By not judging how interested you are in her, but rather how interested SHE is in YOU. Look for indicators of interest in her (touching you--obviously away from the dance here, lots of eye contact). If you don't get these signs, don't even pursue it--leave immediately. If you do get these signs while chatting for a few minutes, ask for her number, and then leave. Don't hang around. Don't buy her lots of drinks. If she doesn't give you the number, fine--she probably has at least one or two guys every day ask for her number and she doesn't realize that you are a GREAT guy, so don't hold it against her--she's just reacting to you the way she would react to the other jerks who approach her (put another way, she's not rejecting you--she's rejecting who she perceives you to be). If she DOES give you her number, call her after a while, but not soon at all (soon = several days).
     
  2. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    on saturday, i saw a guy ask a lady to dance. she said yes, and 30 seconds into it, she stopped and walked away. this happened in front of a lot of people. From where I was standing, I didn't give the incident a second thought. I said to myself, 'been there. happens..tough luck bro.' And then i went about my business.
    Perhaps, in the mind of the man that happened to, he could have thought - 'oh god, i've been humiliated, disgraced, i won't show my face in this club, etc etc, and i'm not going to ask anybody else to dance tonight'

    so when stuff happens, you have option of seeing the situation as it is or you could 'make' your own suffering, by magnifying and dwelling on it.
     
  3. tacad

    tacad New Member

    I don't know, Josh. I'm open about some things to some people and not to others. I don't know if this tends to make it easy to get my feelings hurt or not. It may be the case. I certainly am more sensitive than I would like, but this may not be something I can change directly. Anyway the path for me seems to be along the lines of "Be bold" and "Be yourself". Other things tend to fall in line if I keep to these two principles.
     
  4. tacad

    tacad New Member

    And that sounds good gte692h.
     
  5. africana

    africana New Member

    so true, reminds me of kindergarten and elementary school when it seemed all the kids were pointing at you or about to laugh at you and you grow up expecting that behavior in other situations, until one day you just realize, "it's not such a big deal. so what if my skirt came down in public?" :lol:
     
  6. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    :)
     
  7. latindia

    latindia New Member

    Tacad, my friend. I hear you! I'm in beginner hell, just like you. Both in the dancing and the dating scene (got into that a bit too late in life). The sh*t some women give us guys is so unbelievable. Buddy, one thing though. Everytime a woman does that to me, I feel myself toughening up just a bit more (mentally) to retaliate appropriately to that sort of thing again. You just gotta keep going, I guess. And there are a few nice gals out there too, I guess they make the struggle worthwhile :)

    --
    Raj
     
  8. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Thanks Latindia! What you said, you just gotta keep going? I tell myself that pretty much everyday. To be honest, my beginner hell is really not too bad. I mean I already did ballroom dancing with a little ballroom salsa. I still can have rough going depending on where I go though.
     
  9. ash88

    ash88 New Member

    :notworth: :notworth: :notworth:
     
  10. mambonewb

    mambonewb New Member

    No, I'd prefer to get the two of us out of the dance context. It's hard to converse at a dance. Plus, there would be so many interruptions from dancing with others and greeting any friends we encounter there.
     
  11. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    Sounds good. 8)
     
  12. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I agree that a dance is not an ideal place for holding a meaningful conversation. I wouldn't like a date night to consist of dance only, but I do want dance to be part of the course of the night (e.g., drink - dinner - movie - dance - after-dance snack). I need my salsa fix whether or not I have a man in my life, and it's a good idea to let the man find that out from the outset. I could either go dancing minus the man, or I could go with him. I prefer the latter.
     
  13. Gussie

    Gussie New Member

    gte692h - I've had that happen only once so far.. amazing dancer asked me to dance, I just couldn't follow, sometimes the chemistry is just way off, he did a double spin on me and spun me into his mate to take over. Whilst I was a bit upset at first that he'd done it, I as dead chuffed cause this chap is now one of my regulars and someone I enjoy dancing with very much. It all turns out for the best. :)

    I have only declined dances a couple of times, they are normally if Bachata is on and I ask the person do they know it and they say no, so I ask if they would like to do the next salsa. I really want to learn Bachata and so it pains me to try and dance salsa to it.

    I never say no outright, it's just rude.. unless they are a blatant leghumper an groper who wont take my oh so subtle hints of - are you going to dance this one?

    Africana is there no hope for me? I'm 31, should I just shoot myself now?

    With regards to the weight issue.. I've actually noticed the interaction change first hand, when I started in the clubs I was rather underweight and had loads of lads always asking me to dance, I am now a healthy weight and a little less busy.. and I know I've improved a lot in that time. I don't know if just a stone can make much difference to how easy you are to lead.. can it?

    Lads (and indeed ladies too), just bear in mind a lot of us go to salsa clubs just to dance, many of us have boyfriends tucked away at home who just don't like dancing, but who let us out for a bit of fun in the evening.

    I've had a fair bit of interest since I started going and whilst it's flattering, sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I was in a singles bar.. I find it really hard to say sorry not interested I have a boyfriend (actually what gets me most is the ones who think I am lying cause he isn't there with me).

    It does confuse me what signals I am supposedly giving out.. but then it's meant to be about flirting.. surely..

    Anyway.. what I'm trying to say is don't be hard on yourselves if you get a knockback, we all have our motivations for dancing and sometimes the pulling bit should take a back seat cause if you do dance with someone and the sparks are flying, I'm sure you'll really know it and it'll be worth the wait.

    How about this for an idea.. a night of.. salsa speed dating, you have one whole dance to work out the chemistry and move on.. it's already a bit like that.
     
  14. Gussie

    Gussie New Member

    gte692h - I've had that happen only once so far.. amazing dancer asked me to dance, I just couldn't follow, sometimes the chemistry is just way off, he did a double spin on me and spun me into his mate to take over. Whilst I was a bit upset at first that he'd done it, I as dead chuffed cause this second chap is now one of my regulars and someone I enjoy dancing with very much. It all turned out for the best with only a smidgeon of dented pride. :)

    I have only declined dances a couple of times, think they are all when Bachata was on and I ask the person do they know it and they say no, so I ask if they would like to do the next salsa instead. I really want to learn Bachata and so it pains me to try and dance salsa to it, just seems so wrong. Mind you.. I've had someone to salsa to cha cha with me and that was pretty dire. Shame cause he's a fine salsa dancer, but it just felt so wrong!

    I never say no outright, it's just rude.. unless they are a blatant leghumper an groper who wont take my oh so subtle hints of - are you going to dance this one?

    Africana is there no hope for me? I'm 31, should I just shoot myself now?

    With regards to the weight issue.. I've actually noticed the interaction change first hand, when I started in the clubs I was rather underweight and had loads of lads always asking me to dance, I am now a healthy weight and a little less busy.. and I know I've improved a lot in that time. I don't know if just a stone can make much difference to how easy you are to lead.. can it?

    Lads (and indeed ladies too), just bear in mind a lot of us go to salsa clubs just to dance, many of us have boyfriends tucked away at home who just don't like dancing, but who let us out for a bit of fun in the evening.

    I've had a fair bit of interest since I started going and whilst it's flattering, sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I was in a singles bar.. I find it really hard to say sorry not interested I have a boyfriend (actually what gets me most is the ones who think I am lying cause he isn't there with me).

    It does confuse me what signals I am supposedly giving out.. but then it's meant to be about flirting.. surely..

    Anyway.. what I'm trying to say is don't be hard on yourselves if you get a knockback, we all have our motivations for dancing and sometimes the pulling bit should take a back seat cause if you do dance with someone and the sparks are flying, I'm sure you'll really know it and it'll be worth the wait.

    How about this for an idea.. a night of.. salsa speed dating, you have one whole dance to work out the chemistry and move on.. it's already a bit like that.
     
  15. latindia

    latindia New Member

    :D Well, I hope you mention the boyfriend early enough in the conversation to the interested guys :roll: Coz nothing gets me more than a girl who flirts with me for a long time (off the floor), maybe even gives her number, and then mentions the bf at the end of the evening or when you call her later. :headwall: It **could** be that she found it hard to say no, but I usually don't feel that charitably disposed to her at that point to draw that conclusion...

    --
    Raj
     
  16. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I didn't write the post you quoted -- Gussie did.

    I usually go dancing with my boyfriend anyway (and you need to be pretty blind not to notice we are together :roll: :wink: ), and when a guy tries to chat me up, I have no problem saying I have a boyfriend.

    Now I'm intrigued... Gussie, why is it so hard to say you are not interested because you have a boyfriend?
     
  17. Gussie

    Gussie New Member

    Hmm I knew I should have reread my post before posting... what I meant was I hate having to tell people I have a boyfriend cause it's an awkward thing to have to say... cause the fact I have to say it implies I've done something misleading.

    I don't talk to lads after the dance as a rule unless I have been dancing with them for a while.. I know that may give the wrong impression. Any signs of confusion looming and I eversosubtly mention my better half..

    You know how it is, you just want a good night out dancing!
     
  18. latindia

    latindia New Member

    Nope. It probably just means you are attractive :)

    Why should mentioning your bf be awkward? I'd rather hear about him than be ambiguous about whether there is any interest or not!

    ---
    Raj
     

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