Dancers Anonymous > Yet another dating thread :)

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by quixotedlm, Oct 10, 2006.

  1. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Short version :
    I want to ask her out, but I'm a chicken. Scratch that. I'm a wimpy chicken. :rolleyes:

    Long version :

    She is the coffee-stand girl in the dance club that's only the best scene for salsa around here. We've exchanged plesantries over the past year, but it's slowly advancing to more getting-to-know-each-other conversations, the occasional hug and so on. Before it becomes an unequivocal 'friend'ship, I want to ask her out. But if she says no, or if it doesn't work out too well, I'd be stuck in an awkward zone forever. I can't stop going to that club, neither can I stop buying my cuppa coffee before the dance... For the first time in a long time, I've felt interest in a non-dancer and didn't disqualify her as soon as I knew that she wasn't a salsa dancer.....
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    JUST DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO people (rolls eyes) is short .....awkward doesn't last forever
  3. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Yeah, you want to do it before you get stuck in the "friends" bucket. :rolleyes:
  4. DrDoug

    DrDoug Active Member

    But not before you finish getting your teeth cleaned.
  5. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

  6. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    If you start worrying about what happens if something doesn't work out, you can't do anything. Remember, when you look back, what you regret about most is the things you didn't do because you were worried it might go wrong -- not the things you did that went wrong.

    Go for it.
  7. Steve

    Steve New Member

    The longer you wait, the harder it is. You'll build it up as a huge thing in your mind which will make it more difficult to ask, and the (potential) rejection and awkwardness worse.

    I surprised myself recently by asking a near stranger for her number, and I was shocked at how easy it was. It hardly mattered what she said because I had nothing invested and therefore nothing to lose, but everything to gain. I met her at a social dance at my studio and we got to chatting about salsa and stuff, and then the conversation went like this:

    Me : I have to go soon, but it was nice chatting with you. Would you mind if I gave you a call sometime?

    Her : Actually I'm kind of seeing someone...

    :cool: : Oh does he dance too?

    :) : No, not at all.

    :cool: : Well then give me your number and we'll go dancing sometime.

    :) : Ok!

    So I was shot down, but I didn't care because I barely knew her. And now I have a new friend and dance buddy. No awkwardness at all because it's only a big deal if you make it so.

    So I guess this was just a long-winded way of echoing what fascination said:
  8. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    i'll get it... eventually...maybe even tonight
  9. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I like the way you used smileys for 'Me' and 'Her' !
  10. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    That's true, but I guess one needs to practice that.

    Go for it!!!
  11. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I almost did...:-|

    So a girl in the club kept asking me to dance and was clearly taken by me, or so it seemed. She kept mentioning that she liked dancing with me, that she had danced with me before (but I had no recollection of ever seeing her before)...She was actually pretty good, so I could only come to one of the two conclusions -

    i. I am an amazing dancer and she is clearly responding to that...
    ii. I'm (merely) a good dancer and she likes me...

    Now (ii) seemed more realistic, because there is no way I'm (i). Anyway, I wasn't quite into her. Still, these things are a big ego boosters, and since I was feeling a bit like I might be some salsa God, I was actually so ready to ask the barista girl...

    That's when this female is on her way out of the club, she comes by me and utters few more excited compliments... and I'm thinking that she is soo into me.She even gives me her card, and asks me to call her if I wanted company going out dancing... And then comes the anti-climax - she mentions that she is trying to get her husband to try dancing salsa too, but since he doesn't dance and she is new in town, she is trying to make friends...

    That's when the whole self-confidence thing ran away to a far far away town, and I just couldn't ask out anyone, leave alone someone I've a mild crush on... no freaking way..

    the silver lining - hey, i must be at least a halfway decent dancer!

    crap! maybe sat will be a better day... :(
  12. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Oh, the deflation!
  13. Steve

    Steve New Member

    jeez man, I think you are making way too big of a deal out of all of this. Let's see if I have this straight:

    1. Girl repeatedly asks you to dance, gives compliments on your dancing.
    2. Girl obviously enjoys your company and wants to spend more time with you.

    Now it would seem to me that both of these points would be confidence boosters, no matter what her motivation. But because she isn't into you that way, you're taking it as a blow to your ego? Even though you weren't into her in the first place :confused:

    As for barista-girl, you really just need to relax. I can guarantee that an attractive woman working in a place like that gets asked out all the time. If you ask her out, it won't be a big deal in her mind - it's an everyday occurance. It will only be a big awkward thing if you let it be, which is ridiculous because it sounds like you barely know her. Look at the possible outcomes:

    1. She says Yes.
    2. She says No, you are crushed. The next time you try to order coffee you burst into tears, dash out of the club, run home and slash your wrists.
    3. She says No, you shrug it off and move on to the next girl.

    The only difference between 2 and 3 is entirely your attitude. Just keep it casual. She is afterall just a casual acquaintance.
  14. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    the irony of it is that i'd be giving the exact same advice :) i should never have let it build up to this point,and just gone with the impulse when it first occured to me to ask her out. once i'm past that stage and start 'thinking' about it, i become stupid...
  15. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Lol! To cute. I think that happens to all of us. I wouldn't worry about it. ;)
  16. Steve

    Steve New Member

    Yeah I like to give advice but it doesn't mean I won't go out and do the same thing as you next week. Been there, done that many-a-time :)
  17. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Yes, but I what I see is that people who are casually friendly and don't take these issues too seriously end up having it easier.
  18. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    update perhaps :) :) :)
  19. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    4. She says "No.", so you shrug it off and continue the relationship as it was, casual friendly.

    With all due respect, am I the only guy who has female friends? For whom it's a natural thing to continue the friendship after the tentative question of "do we want to take this to the next level?" gets a negative response?

    On the down side, when there aren't enough guys in a class and my partner tells me to bring some of my friends, I have to tell her, "Won't do you any good. They're all women."
  20. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    OK, so you got two pieces of good news:
    1. She wasn't trying to pick you up with salacious intent, so she really was assessing your dancing ability. She liked what she saw and her compliments were sincere, not flattery.

    2. My dance buddy had approached me to practice Lindy. As she told me later, she's not about to partner up with a guy who's not pleasing to look at. Even though romance was the furthest thing from her mind, I'm sure that your prospective dance buddy was similarly inclined.

    So with two big compliments like that, you should be loaded for bear.

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