Dancers Anonymous > you know you're getting old when...

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 19, 2006.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    man... last night dh and I went to our dtr's choir concert and I have never seen such unruly obese unkempt disrespectful children (and parents) in my entire life...I know I sound snooty but it was just appalling...there were about 500 kids 85 percent of whom were obese and looked like they hadnt showered this week...every time a song was over it was mayhem , a free for all...one girl was braiding another girl's hair on the risers while the other choir was singing...and gum chewing etc etc...it was soooooo gross and the parents weren't much better....honestly, I am thinking of getting my daughter out of there sooner than previously planned...if that was our future, I need to donate a large sum of money to send a bunch of kids to ballroom lessons....if we behaved like that when I was a kid the principal would have plucked us out of there and thrown us out of the concert...and THEN we'd have gotten our behinds tanned at home...I'm a pretty hip mom but lemme tell ya I was having a major old fogey moment....
     
  2. saludas

    saludas New Member

    Yes, the parents are in denial and are in the 'let those kids just be kids' mode that prevents them from anything other than being Soccer Chauffers. I tune out kids these days and their parents.

    Ever sit in a restaurant with a bawling 10 year old, with the parent telling you 'I am not validating his tantrum' while he makes the meal hell for the other patrons? That is not an old fogey moment - it is simply lack of consideration and care. The generation of kids who became adults in the late 80s and early 90s lost the thread of decency and concern that characterized the adults of the 60s and 70s.
     
  3. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I'm not convinced it's an old fogey thing. At least, I hope it's not, 'cause if it is I'm right there with you.

    (*cries melodramatically* I'm too young to be an old fogey!!! Granted, I did just discover my first grey hair.)

    I don't know what it is, but I've noticed the same thing all over. I don't get it. Is NOBODY teaching their children the proper way to behave in various settings??? Does NOBODY have any pride in how they look and act??? Or respect for themselves and others???
     
  4. saludas

    saludas New Member

    A lot of today's social interactions are deriviative of the comedy and 'attitudes' prevalent today in the entertainment biz, also. Shows showing people scammed and made fun of, reality shows that teach us that trickery wins the race, and humor that is pointed and humiliating makes today's kids think that social graces are for fools.
     
  5. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    And, so what the heck is the excuse of the parents, who were (presumably) brought up by parents not under those influence??? Where are the parents to explain to their kids the difference between tv and reality, and the appropriate way to behave in the real world???

    What happened that they can no longer understand (and convey to their kids) that there is a time and a place for all sorts of behaviour, and that it's fine to be yourself, but that you need to consider the way others are going to view (and judge, because people do judge) you? And, to that end, it behooves you to modify your behavior, speech and dress to suit the occasion. And that there's nothing wrong with those modifications, and that it's not an infringement on your self expression.

    SELF RESPECT, PEOPLE!!!

    Argh. I just don't get it. And it really ticks me off.
     
  6. saludas

    saludas New Member

    exactly.
     
  7. skwiggy

    skwiggy Well-Known Member

    Couldn't agree more. I was babysitting a lot in the late 80's, and I have to say, there was a very wide range of how well children were taught respect, manners, and just commonly decent behavior. There were some really pleasant, well-behaved kids, for whom babysitting was always a snap. Then there were the terrors. And even just from the 10 minutes I spent with the parents there before they went out for the night, I could see where the nasty behavior was coming from. Their parents enabled it. I was pretty young, and it was as clear as day to me.
     
  8. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    OMG, yes! I'll never forget this one summer I baby-sat for 2 different sets of kids. Each set had 3 kids--2 boys, 1 girl--ages 4, 6, and 8. I sat for them a lot--about 8 hours a day for 2 weeks for the bad set, about 10 hours a day for the rest of the summer with the good.

    One set were unholy terrors. The 4 year old would bite if he didn't get his way (I was told by the mom, "Oh, be careful of X, he bites a lot." I was like WTF?!?! Your kid bites and the only thing you can think to say is be careful?) The 6 year old would go to extreme lengths if the focus of attention was not on her--tantrums, breaking things--and the mother would cave every time. The 8 year old just was NOT going to be told what to do. Period. Play with the gas burners on the stove?? He'll do it if he wants to. Unbelievable. I was not given any sort of permission to discipline them, and it probably wouldn't have mattered if I was.

    (Of course, this is also the family where the mom told me that she didn't have time to go grocery shopping so the only thing in the house for lunch was bread for sandwiches. The bread was somewhat moldy, but not to worry, none of the kids was allergic to penicillin.)

    The other set of kids was an absolute dream. Sure, they had their moments, but NONE of their crap was tolerated. I'll never forget one time the littlest one was a snot one day (to be fair, he had been up really late the night before and was overtired). I didn't think much of it and dealt with it just fine--some time outs, some quiet activities so he could rest, diverting his attention before things got to a bad point, gentle reprimands when his tone was not respectful. But his sibs apparently told on him, because the next day he was marched up to me by his mother and made to apologize, very explicitly, for his behavior. He had to tell me exactly what he did that was unacceptable, and why, and what his punishment was, and what he learned from it. I was just floored.
     
  9. Swingolder

    Swingolder New Member

    It doesn't really get better. I just had a student come into my office (university) and sit down to read a syllabus. Then he leaned back in the chair and asked if I minded if he put his feet up on my desk. He really did!!!!
     
  10. It's Wonderful

    It's Wonderful New Member

    And what was your answer? "Umm, yeah, I kinda do mind"? That's ridiculous!!! Kids these days, I tell ya...
     
  11. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    See, this is the kind of thing that really makes me not want to babysit. That, and my not knowing how to deal with kids.

    T_E
     
  12. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Heh. I've had white hairs since I was 16. Now I have 3. So I think I'm over the shock of it.

    T_E
     
  13. Firsttime Dancer

    Firsttime Dancer New Member

    I have to put my two cents worth in here on this one. Part of the problem is US.

    See we went the same way as the prison systems did and are. I used to work in the prisons and I can honestly see the same things happening to our children.

    You can't spank a child when they misbehave Thats ABUSE! Not if it is done with an open hand on the butt no more than 3 times and only if the situation deserves it. How many of the "old foggies" were spanked? I'm not saying repeatedly I'm saying set boundries. Johonny running into the path of a truck needs to be pulled back, given a swat on the bum and firmly told NO.

    But see now a days that is called Abuse and we are called BAD parents for setting boundries and not letting our children "find themselfs" and "express their inner selves" and then there is the threat of being called in for abuse if we don't let them do this. So we have lost the fine art of being a boundry setter.

    And thus we have lost the art of being a parent and we are losing the next generation.

    I'll get off my soap box now.
     
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    As a child I was hit for most things and lived in fear and always said I would never hit my kids....and I was mostly hit out of frustration or anger that only sometimes had anything to do with me ....I have two children...one of them was spanked once..she never needed more than a strong word (in fact, a stern look could send her to tears..it was maddening)...anyhow, she never needed more IMO, because she always knew I meant it and that I wouldnt feel guilty and change my mind...my son was another story...he was very strong willed and assumed I didnt mean it unless there was an enormous vein throbbing in my temple and my face was beet red...eventually, from years 4-6, I decided (his father was in law school at the time) that if this child was going to get through life outside of jail I was going to have to spank him and hard....and the conversation went like this: "kevin, I dont want to hit you but I have tried everything else and it hasn't worked, from now on I am going to warn you that you are on the verge of being spanked and if you do not listen I am going to hit you and I am going to hit you hard and I am not going to feel guilty abut it even though I will feel badly ....it is up to you kevin...you can have no more spankings your whole life or you can have 15 hard spankings a day"...when I stoppped being random and remorseful about my policy there, it took two weeks of some rather unpleasant spankings and let me tell you that child never saw another....you could just see him consciously decide that it wasn't worth it and he didn't want to be in trouble anymore...and yes, I am not proud of it, but that child needed a BIG boundary...and to this day I beleive his success which as been substantial...is tied to the week that I turned the corner on how to deal with him...and he knows I love him.....anytime I ever spanked my kids or yelled at them out of my own frustration , I have apologized for...but the serious a$$chewing or spankings that were about them understanding the gravity of the situation, well I am sorry they had to happen but I don't see how they were avoidable and i stand by the end result....I think it is when folks use their hand or fist out of emotion and as a first resort that it is of no benefit...and whether one spanks or doesn't...I think the bottom line is, if your kid knows you mean it, your kid is gonna turn out better...only my opinion and I can respect that other folks have chosen other paths w/ great success.
     
  15. DennisBeach

    DennisBeach New Member

    I don't know what it is, but I've noticed the same thing all over. I don't get it. Is NOBODY teaching their children the proper way to behave in various settings??? Does NOBODY have any pride in how they look and act??? Or respect for themselves and others???[/QUOTE]

    Parents seem to fall into two main groups today. Ones that are doing an excellent job and have terrific kids. Ones that expect the schools, the police, the church, society etc. to raise their kids and they have kids whom are really a problem. I work with middle school and high school kids in our church, most of these kids have excellent parents and are really terrific young adults. But I also am familiar with the other group and they are really a problem.

    The spread between the two groups seems to be much greater today, than when I was a kid. It seemed like the majority were in the middle when I was a kid, now it seems like most our at one extreme or the other.
     

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