General Dance Discussion > You won't dance with me, I don't dance with you

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by RickRS, Mar 26, 2009.

  1. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    I've posted in the past problems my wife had with rotation in our group class. The instructor had a number of couples at different times that decided to not rotate with the rest of the class, and the instructor just let it go. One beginner couple had been dancing together for maybe four months and ignoring rotation every class.

    Then the guy's partner didn't show for the class. And that night we were top heavy with leads. No words were passed, but during rotation, almost half the ladies walk right past the guy to the next lead. The guy was shocked! :rolleyes:
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    oh...bad form...maybe he had it coming, but that doesn't make it a good thing in my view
  3. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    With there being extra leads of men who had been rotating regularly and building relationships with the group, I wouldn't have a problem seeing this. What else would the guy expect...? He established his own rules of engagement on his own.

    Unless he'd also been personally offensive, it's not how I would treat him myself, but it seems perfectly logical social behavior to me. If he wants to build relationships and be part of the group, he can always start...being part of it.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    but he was there alone...who did they think he would dance with?...I guess I would at least ask him if he was part of it or not...I mean, what if they were just shy, or it was his lady who didn't want to rotate...and now the poor dude feels spurned...kind of sad when it could have been an opportunity...and he might've then beeen more inclined to encourage his lady to rotate...but i guess human behavior just works that way...sigh
  5. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member

    Well, just about every single dance lesson I've been to were - and still are - 'top heavy' with leads.
    Yet, all of the instructors - regardless of venue and independently from one another - act surprised every single time.
    "Wow, we seem to have more guys than ladies, that has NEVER happened before!":-?:rolleyes:

    In the very few[ cases when this has been the other way around, some of the extra ladies actually left.........

    Judging by your description, I'm going to have to guess that the guy was maybe rude or behaved otherwise inappropriately?
  6. RickRS

    RickRS Member


    It was a one-time thing. For whatever reason, the guy and his partner are now rotating in class like everyone else, and he's not be discriminated against anymore.

    It does appear that having avoid dance with others, the two of them lag in level of lead-follow skills that the rest of the class has developed. Hard to be sure...
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well...maybe the snubbing helped then ;)...glad they are participating and maybe realizing what they have missed in having a diversity of partners....

    was this silver rick?...b/c I have noticed that the male to female disparity tends to occur more in classes about bronze...just curious
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    Someone had to go without dancing, and the others were already established in taking care of each other.

    I agree personally with you. My perspective is generally inclusive and it wouldn't occur to me to snub him.

    At the same matter the reason, shy or not, it doesn't seem like a mysterious social rule that you have to invest something of yourself if you also want the benefits. If one doesn't and then gets to experience the simple logical consequences...meh...guess it's just a tough love theme today. :)
  9. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    No, I don't think he was rude, outside of he and his partner's refusal to go along with standard class rotation.

    Your classes lead/follow ratio would be unusual for the majority of beginner classes, but not that must for higher level classes, from what's been said here. In this beginner class, the ladies very often wind up without a partner every third or fourth rotation on some nights. And that also lead to a situation at one time (I mention this in the past) where some of the more agressive ladies jumped the rotation to grab a lead to avoid waiting for the next available. While meant some of the ladies (including my wife) wound up setting out two rotations back-to-back. Fortunately. those women that felt it was their right to come by themselves and dance every rotation with other's ladies friends and husbands whenever there wasn't enough leads to go around have dropped out of the class.
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member


    yea...won't be asking you for any favors today ;)...but also get your drift...wouldn't have cried great big crocodile tears for him...but I do tend to be a mush ...unless pushed beyond all you know
  11. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    lol... i have a germanic heart. :cool:
  12. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    This was a beginner social dance class lead by a instructor involved with the Country Western Dance Council, so no metal classification assigned, but consider it Bronze level. Having moved up to the intermediate level for some of the dances, I'm seeing the same thing most see; beginner level often have more women than men, and as you move up, fewer women continue onward, balancing the classes or ever cause too many leads vs. follows.

    And, yeah, I thought it was a "tough love" type of thing; the ladies just wanted the guy to feel what it was like to have to sit a rotation out. Something they all have to do more often when some couples refuse to rotate...
  13. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member

    Tough love, eh?

    If this guy goes dancing in what I call the real world (= bars, night clubs, etc.), he knows all about 'sitting a rotation out'........
    Heck, he's probably gone weeks or even months without a single 'yes'.

    So, if this is the case, the ladies in the classes passing him by shouldn't affect him one bit.

    It does happen sometimes that a guy and a girl who are a 'couple' don't rotate in classes, sometimes that's because they want to learn how to dance with each other (and not someone else), sometimes it may be because their relationship isn't quite that 'secure'.......might not survive rotation......
  14. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    I have to admit I got a laugh out of this, because I know exactly the kind of couple you're talking about! :D
  15. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    rofl...well, there's a lesson in not assuming one knows everyone's personal story.
  16. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    God help them if that is the case
  17. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member


    I can understand follows blowing by the guy based on his earlier behavior and maybe the "tough love" did the trick, but I think avoiding somebody in retaliation is rather petty.

    And perhaps it was his partner who refused to dance with other men and he had no choice if he wanted to avoid..umm.. female dog bites all over his back...
  18. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    We have stopped taking group classes because of the rotation issue. Unfortunately, the school did not put together a group of dancers with similar skill level. So, there were advanced level classes (open foxtrot, open waltz..), but many dancers could not hold their frame at all (I am not talking about weak or improper frame, I am talking about jelly fish frame). These dancers should be still taking bronze classes, but not open for sure. However, they took a 6 week classes of beginners level and thought that would be just sufficient to move on to open.

    So, we have rotated, but most of the rounds were just a waste of time. How can you follow jelly-fish? My partner got tired to carry the ladies that were just hanging on his frame (he had bruised arms). We are taking private lessons now and very happy to dance together.

    However, I think that would be very beneficial to try dancing with other partners and learn how to lead and follow someone else but your own partner. Unfortunately, to get a benefit from the class like that the dancers have to be on the same level in the bulk part.
  19. jerseydancer

    jerseydancer Active Member

    What happend with your shirt?
  20. CANI

    CANI Active Member

    I agree.

    Avoiding someone like this isn't tough could be showing that you can only view the world through one narrow viewpoint and have difficulty accepting that there are tons of reasons why people do what they do...

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