Dancers Anonymous > Your Ideal...cont'd

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Shooshoo, Mar 20, 2006.

  1. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Heeey! I didn't mean it in the playboy bunny way! I meant it in the "I'm not labeling myself as the X type liker just yet."

    Twilight Elena
     
  2. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    Do you mean Bottom as in a Midsummer Night's Dream ?
     
  3. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    No, as in a Top or a Bottom.
     
  4. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    I don't think its quite that simple.... you'd have to ask my shrink...

    more of a Crumb
     
  5. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    Well... I agree with him. Most guys want to be inspired to be better than they are. For the most part, they want to be accepted as much for who they could be, as opposed to just who they are now. and they want someone to inspire them to get there, to push him, to challenge him.

    My feeling is that most women want to be accepted for who they actually are.

    and you get this major cognitive dissonance where he tries to change her (because that's what he wants for himself), and she tries to accept him for who he is (because that's what she wants for herself) and you usually have two desperately unhappy people who don't understand why that even though they are both trying really hard to make it work... it just doesn't. He wants to be encouraged to do all this new stuff.. dancing, traveling, foreign languages, cooking. and she views it all as somehow a rejection of her.

    ummm, well, -your- mileage may vary.

    but I think not only can a women change a man... he probably wants it as well... encouraged to be better than he is. or -grin- worse.

    --------------
    In terms of "types", mmm... girls who avidly read romance novels. For a while I didn't think I had a "type", but I was probably thinking about it the wrong way. I'm not sure if its because they like to read things just because they like to read them (which is charming, they aren't trying to impress you or anything), or have an active fantasy life (Hi, I -am- walter mitty; I feel like we have so much in common), or what.

    yeah, very strong correllation.
     
  6. RIdancer82

    RIdancer82 New Member

    I see what you are saying, but it's still not the woman changing the man. Everyone has free will and control over their decisions. No one can change another person, regardless of what gender they are. The most an individual can do for another is to inspire the change. Those are two very different concepts and are very easily confused.
     
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    i would like to hope that bothmen and women want to be accepted for who they are and challenged to become more together....I don't really see a difference there...re romance novels...um...kathleen woodwiss all the way
     
  8. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    cognitive dissonance ........... arghglearghglearghglearghglearghglearghgle
     
  9. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    yeah, I think I heard that in one of those x-man cartoons that used to come on at 7am on saturday mornings. I've been waiting years to work it into something. I think the actual phrase was "modulation the pychic wavefront to induce cognitave dissonance causing a cerebal shutdown" but I just couldn't work that whole thing in. :p
     
  10. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    Yeah a cognitive dissonance ray gun would be deadly; worse than kryptonite...
     
  11. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    how do you get the smileys in the text?

    doh!
     
  12. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    That's what I would think too? Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, don't you think. I know I personally do.
     
  13. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    well, actually... not really. Its not even a thing that would register on "top 50 things that are important to me". I'm perfectly happy with who I am, but if you want to engage in some creative fantasies... that's cool too. If you want to pretend I'm sensitive, sophisticated and charming... I'll play along. Maybe I -am- Mr. Smooth, and just didn't know it. Live the illusion, that's what I say.
     
  14. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Haha! That was pretty good, but oh so true! I'll play along too! I like games lol! :eek:
     
  15. Mr. Dance

    Mr. Dance New Member

    If I may enter my .02 here ;)

    It's never a good idea to enter into a relationship with the intent on being able to change someone. If they have qualities and attributes that you admire and some that you dont you have to be able to decide for yourself if you can accept the things about them that aren't all that desireable to you of if you can't. If you think you're gonna be able to change someone to make them what you want or make them turn into something they are not..you're in for a potentially long, hard, hurtful experience in the end. Nobody's perfect, but when you find that special someone you learn to live with their faults and accept them as human..as long as they have enough qualities that you admire and you feel they will be faithful to you and support you for the rest of your life, you can consider yourself fortunate to have found that person to share your life with.

    Somethings that I find desireable in a woman is

    • a sense of humor...she's gotta be able to make me laugh and to be able to laugh at herself
    • sincere
    • kind
    • faithful
    • outgoing, not necessarily run everywhere all the time but have some energy to be able to go out and do things from time to time.
    • someone that appreciates my interests and supports me no matter what as I will do with her.
     
  16. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I love this post! Ok I don't know you that well yet, but I so like you right now lol! I mean... can you talk to my x-fiance for me? Ok, we aren't talking right now, so I don't know if you can get through, and he might get a little upset if you mention my name, but it could be worth a shot! I've tried to tell him this many times not only for my sake but for his friend's sake as well, because he treats his friends just about as well as he treats me (and that doesn't say much lol), and he just never got it, and apparently from what I know now... he still doesn't get it!!! Actually if I could... I would like to give you a list as to what to talk to him about lol. It might take some time for me to write up the list though! :D
     
  17. Mr. Dance

    Mr. Dance New Member

    Friends always come to me with concerns and questions about relationships. Im far from perfect, believe me and Im no psychologist or relationship counselor but Ive been through enough and learned enough in my own life experiences, and learned alot growing up while living at home, to know what I want in a relationship and what I don't want..and Ive seen enough relationships go bad over time for all kinds of reasons not the least of which is the scenario I mentioned above..as well as seen them last for decades to be able to be confident in my own relationship decisions.

    You know its funny with guys in particular since I happen to be one.. I cant tell you how many times Ive seen it where the woman just talks, pleads, and nearly begs the man to listen to her and try and make him understand what it is that she needs out of the relationship and the guy either just doesnt get it or doesnt want to get it...but then he hears the same thing but coming from another man rather than a woman, Viola` , it sinks in. :rolleyes: ..strange I know but alot of time (not always of course) a guy can relate to advice and information better when it comes from man than a woman. Don't ask me why it is, but I can tell you first hand Ive seen it ALOT.
     
  18. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Oh I so wish it were that easy! I mean I know that my x fiance had his faults, and I had come to accept them. However, in the end, he made it very clear that he could not accept me. And I told him that I could not be with him if he didn't love all of me. But there was a lot more to our relationship than that, because he was a control freak. So, if he couldn't control you, then you might as well forget it, you were out of his circle so to speak. That's why with people like my x, you are lucky if you can get through at all. I do know that he had a bad childhood and all, and all he had were yes people around him, so I don't think that he fully grew as an individual. Not that we are always mature, but I mean that he just well... I don't know how to explain it. All I know is that I'll feel very sorry for the woman that marries him, but maybe by then he would have already learned his lessons. Although, you would have thought that since he wanted to marry me that he had learnt his lessons in life by then, or at least some of them lol.
     
  19. Mr. Dance

    Mr. Dance New Member

    Sounds like you didnt really stand a chance then, it's never a 1 way street in a relationship as Im sure you know. Too many times people get into a partnership where one is willing to give and give and give and accept more than they should have too while the other just never realizes or chooses to realize that they need to do the same. :(
    Ah yes you would think so, it sounds logical enough, but it doesnt happen more often than probably most people think. Too many times people enter into a relationship with expectations of only what they know first hand and not what its really supposed to be like. A person's childhood plays alot into how they will work relationships that come into their life; they see how their parents acted towards one another, family members, friends, etc. and they emulate that because its all they've ever known. Sometimes they've seen all the bad and they know they want something better and everything turns out great in the end..but many times they have good intentions going in but just don't understand that being a control freak, being a taker and not a giver, not treating someone how they themselves would want to be treated, etc.. just dooms it before it ever gets started. All to often they learn too late or never learn at all.
     
  20. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    My oh my, you have 50 things that are important to you!! Well good luck.
     

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