Anyone married to or dating someone that does not like to dance?

#1
I LOVE to dance and have since I can remember. My boyfriend is not interested in learning how and it is very hard on me. He doesnt mind when I dance with others but I wish he and I could have that bond together. I've never been in a serious relationship with someone who doesnt dance. I want to spend my life with this man. Should I just accept this or is there a way to motivate him into learning?

Anyone else having this challenge?

--Sarah:bkick:
 

skwiggy

Well-Known Member
#3
My fiance doesn't dance, and isn't interested. I would never try to talk him into it. Had too many bad experiences with ex-boyfriends trying to learn "for me". I think it's healthy that we both have our own separate interests.

I would just accept it, and let him know that if he ever expresses an interest you fully support that.
 

Me

New Member
#4
It's so cute how we ladies like to share our passions with our men.

How many men ask the question, "My fiance hates hunting! What should I do?"

I guess where things get hairy is at that point of social / performing art crossover.

From experience... I have never been married, but was engaged once. Came to my senses. (Thank goodness!) He was not interested in dance... but he could not stand the thought of my going to a dance without him. It was very miserable. He'd grab me for a foxtrot and stumble his way through it, complain about how he didn't know how to dance, but of course not take lessons. He'd sulk while I danced with other men. Lather, rinse, repeat. Of course, you can see how that situation was representative of other spheres of our relationship, and why I ended it.
 

kayak

Active Member
#5
It's so cute how we ladies like to share our passions with our men.

How many men ask the question, "My fiance hates hunting! What should I do?"
I would say most guys ask that very same question "My girlfriend doesn't ski, what should I do?" If the guy really likes you, he will want you to share some of his interests. I think it is actually a pretty healthy thing for guys to take up a few female dominated passions like dance and women to take up some outdoors sports.
 

Laura

New Member
#6
My soon-to-be-ex-husband didn't dance, and wasn't interested in learning at all. For years he'd go around saying that it was good that we had separate interests (and I believed him), but now he's saying that part of why he's divorcing me is because our lives are "too separate." My point is no matter what you do, it has the potential to come back to bite you (rationally or not), so you need to decide what is more important: being with a guy who dances, or potentially having to give up dancing some day to stay with your current guy. I'm not saying that you will have to give it up, but you might find some day that it's better for your marriage if you do, and would you be able to handle crossing that bridge if you come to it?
 
#7
I think it depends on both of you and what you want out of dancing.
If it is just a pleasant interest to you then I'd say accepting whatever he does or doesn't want to do would probably be the best option. If he was willing to come along with you once or twice and gets the bug, that would be great, but it might not happen. I also don't think you have to share all your interests.

However, I have had this challenge and I agree with Laura in how this can affect your relationship. My competitive dancing was detrimental to my marriage and as a result I've given up the dancing. Again, my husband would say that it was totally fine but when I looked at what was happening and how we were growing apart it was apparent that it was not fine. I still love dancing and haven't ruled out some sort of involvement, but at the moment the kind of commitment that competitive dancing with an amateur partner involves is out.
 
#8
My ex DID dance. However, only very reluctantly with me (and we were about equally good)! While I fantasized about touring competitions together and having fun, darling ex fantasized about the same thing - but with someone else. Fortunately, the problem solved itself - but I still can't understand it.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#9
nope, mine dances, but not the style i study most. he's game to learn pretty much anything, tho... i'm the one that balks at more lessons.

first time i've been involved with a dancer, tho. personally, wouldn't work for me to have an SO who was outa the dance loop completely -- i am preferring the overlap.
 

wooh

Well-Known Member
#10
Is he willing to give it a try? Most of my husband's interests, I'll try within reason. Softball, I'll go hit the ball and play catch with him, but I'm so bad at it, I really don't want to play and have a whole team mad at me when I lose them the game. Golf, I've putted in the store, but just can't see the point, and he likes that it's his thing he does on his own with his friends. Running, he can have fun at the Peachtree, I'll keep my herniated disks safe at home instead of pounding pavement. I've got classes and the occasional girl outings, then a lot of at home interests, web developing, sewing.
Dance is our one real "together" thing. I don't think I'd like it as much solo. But we got into it together, (him dragged but willing to try.) And we both liked it enough to stick with it. For other things, I think it's important that we're both willing to give it a try if the other is interested. But you can't make someone like something that they don't like.
I've had an unsuccessful marriage, and I'm about to hit my 9th year of a pretty happy one. I really think the biggest difference is our willingness to compromise and try to like what the other likes, but if we don't, then we understand the other person just isn't that into it.
 
#11
Maybe you could lessen the pressure on him, if you asked him to do something like learn four patterns in one dance and dance with you once an evening. That would probably seem like a much more manageable request than "learn to dance with me (implied: as well I do or as the partners you watch me dancing with)."
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#12
Iour willingness to compromise and try to like what the other likes, but if we don't, then we understand the other person just isn't that into it.
Spot on. I asked DH to try it with me when I first started. He went to 2 group classes and decided it wasn't his thing. I was fine with that--he genuinely tried, and that's all I could ask.

And, now and again, I'll go disc golfing with him. Or at least walk around with him while he throws discs.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#13
yah, this issue is bound to come up in a relationship, whether it involves dancing or some other activity. BF and i have very few other interests in common as far as how we want to spend our time. but we do try to find the commonality & enhance that...
 
#14
yah, this issue is bound to come up in a relationship, whether it involves dancing or some other activity. BF have very few other interests in common as far as how we want to spend our time. but we do try to find the commonality & enhance that...
Thats very healthy - you are both confident in yourselves and your relationship. Dance is a great thing to do together (at least I thought) since its both intimate and social. But I guess that should be obvious (just not my experience).
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#15
Dance is a great thing to do together (at least I thought) since its both intimate and social.
true. the flip side of this whole issue is that if you ARE with someone who dances, and you met that way, you might be compatible in lighter ways but not have a deeper compatibility that you might have with a non-dancer.
 
#16
true. the flip side of this whole issue is that if you ARE with someone who dances, and you met that way, you might be compatible in lighter ways but not have a deeper compatibility that you might have with a non-dancer.
Yes, but isn't that true for most ways of meeting - unless you are both attending a science conference for example (er, yes, I'm a nerd). Indeed, one could say the opposite: if you can dance together for a period of time AND fall in love, you probably have to be amazingly compatible!
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#17
Indeed, one could say the opposite: if you can dance together for a period of time AND fall in love, you probably have to be amazingly compatible!
that's true.

i marvel at certain dance partnerships that are also deeply compatible life partnerships.. the hiltons, for example. my pro & his partner... they've known each other since childhood & starting taking dance together at the same time as teenagers.

that definitely does not describe what i currently have in my life. different vibe altogether, as nice as it is.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#18
welcme to DF...in general it's never a good idea to force anyone to do something they don't like...in general, good couples try most of the time to learn to at least minimally expose themselves to the passion sof their loved one...only you can decide whther or not the degree is enough for you
 
#20
Yes, but isn't that true for most ways of meeting - unless you are both attending a science conference for example (er, yes, I'm a nerd).
That's not nerdy it's cool! I used to know some pretty damn sexy chemists!

I would hate to go out with someone who dances... You need some ME time. Everyone does and when you have kids you need someone to look after them while you go out dancing-who better than your partner? Having said that I wouldn't want to go out with a scientist either (no matter how great they look in a lab coat!) so maybe I'm just a very independent (read selfish) person...
 

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