Anyone married to or dating someone that does not like to dance?

Interesting. All the women I know who are with non-dancers have fabulous relationships. The men have their own passions, and each partner shares in each others happiness with those passions. These are strong, independent women, the men knew it going in, and they wouldn't have it any other way. And the men have learned to dance a bit socially, just for the joy of being with their woman, not because they asked him too.
Relationships where the women with non-dancer man can probably work things out. The reverse situation will almost never work -- men who dance with non-dancer females.

Let's face it -- men who dance are going to be exposed to temptations, and their partners will always be suspicious. The reality is that men will give into temptation more often than women. It's just not going to work out if the man is out dancing and the woman is sitting at home watching TV.

Now that I'm into dance I will avoid serious relationships with women who don't. I learned my lesson the hard way.
 
my spouse trusts me...even in the face of a dance attraction that I had...I told him and the party involved...becase I had no intention of acting on it...and it was a horrible experience for me...I think it is reasonable for a non-dancing significant other to have some discomfort over it...but a mature significant other will know that they cannot control their loved one...they can only trust them and hope they are right
I agree. You wrote what I believe much better than I did.
 

TinyDancer109

Well-Known Member
Reading this thread makes me count my lucky stars. As i have said before, my SO doesn't have a jealousy issue with my dancing - he has an issue with how much it costs! ;) Not that this is something to throw to the curb, but i much rather have to handle financial compromises than emotional insecurities. LOL
 

laucy.my

Active Member
Mum was always concerned about my marrying a fellow dancer someday because admit it, if you're both so serious about dancing she'll never get her grandchildren. Sigh...but I am surrounded by those people everyday! Either a dancer or a musician.
 
Well, he's been cheated on a lot. He had a lot of long distance relationships and his girlfriends would be partying and dancing, which would lead to cheating. I've told him that ballroom isn't like club dancing and does not share the same intentions.

Apparently he loved his first girlfriend, and she cheated. After that, his relationships have composed of liking, but not loving; and I'm the first girl whom he's loved since then. Therefore, he feels that he's been classically conditioned to associate loving someone with being cheated on (when we discussed this, we started getting into the psychoanalytics of each other).

He told me that he'd feel better if I dance with gay men. But I was asked to put together a salsa showcase for an event next month, and I would have been dancing with another girl, and he asked me if I would decline. He says that he's working on dealing with it, because he said that rationally he trusts me and isn't worried, but he stills FEELS uncomfortable. If he wasn't working on being more rational, then I'd drop him.

Right now it isn't a huge deal, because I'm not really dancing much in college due to lack of a vehicle, but I'm really depressed about not dancing, and I can't talk to him about it because he gets moody. He's seen a few of my videos with my pro back home, but that was before we were dating. I can't even show him pictures. He keeps saying that he's happy for me and really proud of what I do, that he's lucky to have a girlfriend like me, but then he can't handle seeing a photo of me dancing! I have photos all over my dorm of old comps, and those don't bother him because he can see that the connection between my pro and i is not a romantic one, but I'm just so happy to be dancing, and to be dancing with my pro. I keep telling him that that's how I feel all of the time when I'm dancing.

I might be transferring schools next year because other than him, I'm surrounded by idiots, and he's probably going to Harvard. We're going to try long distance if we transfer (I'm NOT going back to New England). He's my first serious relationship, so the odds of lasting long are minimal, but I still love him and want to try to make it work.

Thanks for your input everyone! I'm gonna try to make it work for as long as I can. I'd be miserable without him, and until that appraisal changes, I'm going to stay with him.
 
Relationships where the women with non-dancer man can probably work things out. The reverse situation will almost never work -- men who dance with non-dancer females.

Let's face it -- men who dance are going to be exposed to temptations, and their partners will always be suspicious. The reality is that men will give into temptation more often than women. It's just not going to work out if the man is out dancing and the woman is sitting at home watching TV.

Now that I'm into dance I will avoid serious relationships with women who don't. I learned my lesson the hard way.
The lesson that you learned 'the hard way' was . . . you were weak and succumbed to the temptation?
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
BreAna.. you don't know that you'd be miserable without him. It sounds like he makes life a little less happy in some ways.. Dancing is a part of who you are, and brings joy to your life, and shouldn't give that up, so you need to meet someone who supports that.. and it's not fair for someone to bring baggage from past relationships in to new ones. He needs to understand that just because others have cheated, doesn't mean you will.

It's one of those things.. if everyone cheated in relationships, we wouldn't bat an eye when someone did.. this behavior is the exception, not the rule.. otherwise it would become commonplace and accepted.. so we would say 'people cheat, end of story' and move on.. it's not that way.. obviously, there are enough people out there who don't cheat in relationships that loyalty is the accepted normal behavior.. he needs to realize, not everybody is bound to cheat, and that if he assumes the worst of people, he won't get to see the best
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
I hate this mentality that men 'typically' cheat.. as if its so expected that its almost considered normal.. goes along with what I was saying above.. women can choose to be unfaithful as well, there is no gender-specific gene for it.. a lot of factors probably weigh in to an individuals decision to cheat on their significant other, I can't say that the reasons I've done it are the same as those for others.. and I won't say I was justified or proud of it. Again, suspicion is not just a given, some couples are not paranoid until they have reason to be, because some couples trust one another and don't jump to conclusions
 

DL

Well-Known Member
Thanks for your input everyone! I'm gonna try to make it work for as long as I can. I'd be miserable without him, and until that appraisal changes, I'm going to stay with him.
I won't comment on the obstacles nor your reasoning themselves, because I don't think I know enough; but it sounds as though you're making a deliberate decision with your eyes open to the obstacles your relationship faces. IMO, that's all anyone can do.
 

DL

Well-Known Member
I hate this mentality that men 'typically' cheat.. as if its so expected that its almost considered normal.. goes along with what I was saying above.. women can choose to be unfaithful as well, there is no gender-specific gene for it.. a lot of factors probably weigh in to an individuals decision to cheat on their significant other, I can't say that the reasons I've done it are the same as those for others.. and I won't say I was justified or proud of it. Again, suspicion is not just a given, some couples are not paranoid until they have reason to be, because some couples trust one another and don't jump to conclusions
Could we please not turn this into a thread about cheating?
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
Well, he's been cheated on a lot. He had a lot of long distance relationships and his girlfriends would be partying and dancing, which would lead to cheating. I've told him that ballroom isn't like club dancing and does not share the same intentions.
oh, dear, we seem to have a few problems here. First off, aren't you both a bit young for him to have had "lots" of long distance relationships, lots of which were ended by cheating? Either he isn't being entirely honest with you, or what this boy needs is counseling, not a relationship.
Apparently he loved his first girlfriend, and she cheated. After that, his relationships have composed of liking, but not loving; and I'm the first girl whom he's loved since then. Therefore, he feels that he's been classically conditioned to associate loving someone with being cheated on (when we discussed this, we started getting into the psychoanalytics of each other).
"Classically conditioned?" What happened to "lots"? If a young man came to me saying such things, the skeptical line of questioning that would ensue would probably make him quite uncomfortable. The correct answer to "I can't help it" is, "Well, let's get back together when you can".
If he wasn't working on being more rational, then I'd drop him.
Other than what he says, what evidence do you have that anything is changing? In such circumstances, words are cheap unless there are accompanying and persistent behavioral changes.
...but I'm just so happy to be dancing, and to be dancing with my pro. I keep telling him that that's how I feel all of the time when I'm dancing.
Be careful. What might be bothering him is that something other than him makes you so happy. After all, how can he compete? I'm not saying that is necessarily the case, but it is a strong hypothesis based on the evidence you have presented.
I might be transferring schools next year because other than him, I'm surrounded by idiots, and he's probably going to Harvard. We're going to try long distance if we transfer (I'm NOT going back to New England). He's my first serious relationship, so the odds of lasting long are minimal, but I still love him and want to try to make it work.

Thanks for your input everyone! I'm gonna try to make it work for as long as I can. I'd be miserable without him, and until that appraisal changes, I'm going to stay with him.
Let's be clear, a long distance relationship fundamentally means you will be without him for the bulk of the school year. You aren't exactly on solid foundations with him, even without the stressor of trying to maintain a long distance relationship.

I'm not saying whether I think you should drop him or not, because who cares what an old fart you've never seen says, but these are a few things you may want to think about.
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
I often wonder about people who claim they were consistently cheated on as well. Could it be they don't provide something all of those partners needed? Not that the cheaters would ever confess, I think when someone gets caught cheating and gets dumped at the same time, the impulse is to run away, nothing to gain by defending his/her actions at this point.
 
toothlesstiger: he never gave me an exact number of how many times he's been cheated on, and I know that he's had at least 3 serious relationships besides me, but he feels that he has developed trust issues because of it.

We had a discussion about this issue a few days ago, instead of skating around it. He told me that he could give me anything in the world (he could buy me a ballroom, but he'd never let me dance in it!) because he loves me so much, but he can't deal with seeing me wrapped around another man, whether the emotions are acting or not. He told me that if he's too weak and not good enough for me, that I should leave him for someone better. He told me to make a choice, and my response was that I don't want to leave him.

I will NEVER give up ballroom for anyone though, no matter who that may be. I have high goals in ballroom, and I may never attain them, but I will definitely never attain them if he won't let me dance.

He wants to start learning ballroom so he can dance with me, and I'm hoping that he'll change his mind (unlikely) when he sees the ballroom world. I really don't want to leave this guy, but if it's him or ballroom, then I of course choose dancing!
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
Hmmm, trying to be gentle, here....
If he knows he has trust issues, it is very irresponsible of him to be in a relationship before he has dealt with them.
Love liberates, possessiveness confines. Recognize the difference.
 

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