Anyone married to or dating someone that does not like to dance?

I'm coming a little late to party, but I wanted to comment on this.

I can attest that it is pretty accurate. I started dancing to have some recreational activity that my wife and I could share. We don't have much of anything else we do together that doesn't involve duties and obligations and meeting others' needs.

I like to do lots of active things, my wife likes gardening and crossword puzzles. For years I've been trying to get her interested in activities that we can do together, with no success.

Then I hit on the idea of ballroom dancing, something neither of us had done before. We each took private lessons and attended classes together for about half a year. Here's what happened. I turned out to be pretty good at it, a quick learner, I really enjoyed it and wanted to improve and learn the technique and really get into it. My wife was content to learn a few patterns without worrying too much about such things as technique or posture.

She ended up dropping out but I kept at it and move up into silver, did some comps and had a lot of fun with a new group of friends, many of whom, naturally considering the context, were female.

The relationship I had with my dance partners and teacher never went beyond what was appropriate. Nonetheless, to make a long story short, in order to keep the peace in the family and maintain a stable, secure home for my kids, I had to separate myself from a group of wonderful friends and an activity that was better for my mental health than any antidepressent.

The end result is we still don't have any recreational activities to share. By the time my kids are old enough to not need to live in my home anymore, my physically best years will be long behind me.

The lesson from this, for you young singles out there who love to dance, is, if you want to get married make sure your fiance understands that dancing is a part of your life you don't intend to give up, and set that expectation very clearly and unequivocally long before rings are exchanged.
Welcome to the group. There are a lot of men who are in your situation or a similar situation. It is actually kind of ironical in view of all the women who complain about the men who don't want to dance and the women who do. I am a male, and I have noticed that there seems to be more and more men and less and less women in the classes. Also, as a generalization, it seems like at the studio I go to, more men stay than women do.
 
Welcome to the group. There are a lot of men who are in your situation or a similar situation. It is actually kind of ironical in view of all the women who complain about the men who don't want to dance and the women who do. I am a male, and I have noticed that there seems to be more and more men and less and less women in the classes. Also, as a generalization, it seems like at the studio I go to, more men stay than women do.
Tell me about it! My ex-wife is the one that suggested we take up ballroom dancing. She went to one class and decided she hated it. I loved it and became addicted. I'm not saying dance was the cause of our divorce but it didn't help the situation.

It's very rare for me to attend a dance event where there are more ladies than men. Sometimes ballroom is more women but never by very much. It seems that at the very time women are dropping out of dance men decided they are interested. West Coast Swing events have the biggest gender imbalance for reasons I can only speculate about.

I think it's dangerous to marriages if one spouse gets interested in dance and the other isn't. Sooner or later there will be suspicions and jealous emotions. That's just human nature. I wonder how many divorces or breakups have occurred over dancing.
 
For established relationships it's far worse for stability when it's the man instead of the woman that's interested in dancing. If the man doesn't give into temptation it won't matter because the wife/significant other will surely think he did. Women are also more apt to feel neglected if the man is out dancing.
 
Tell me about it! My ex-wife is the one that suggested we take up ballroom dancing. She went to one class and decided she hated it. I loved it and became addicted. I'm not saying dance was the cause of our divorce but it didn't help the situation.

It's very rare for me to attend a dance event where there are more ladies than men. Sometimes ballroom is more women but never by very much. It seems that at the very time women are dropping out of dance men decided they are interested. West Coast Swing events have the biggest gender imbalance for reasons I can only speculate about.

I think it's dangerous to marriages if one spouse gets interested in dance and the other isn't. Sooner or later there will be suspicions and jealous emotions. That's just human nature. I wonder how many divorces or breakups have occurred over dancing.
Rbazsz, you have made some very good points. I would like to also add that when one partner in the marriage takes up dance and the other doesn't, in many or at least some instances, there may very well be other problems in the marriage. In other words one of the partners may be trying to escape problems in the marriage through dance. ;)
 
For established relationships it's far worse for stability when it's the man instead of the woman that's interested in dancing. If the man doesn't give into temptation it won't matter because the wife/significant other will surely think he did. Women are also more apt to feel neglected if the man is out dancing.
RB, I agree with your prior post as I stated above. However, I don't agree with your above post. I think that men as well as women may feel neglected if either one is out dancing. I don't think that women per se are more apt to feel neglected. I think that they are equally apt to feel neglected or not neglected.
 
Rbazsz, you have made some very good points. I would like to also add that when one partner in the marriage takes up dance and the other doesn't, in many or at least some instances, there may very well be other problems in the marriage. In other words one of the partners may be trying to escape problems in the marriage through dance. ;)
I can definitely say that my marriage was in trouble when I took up dancing. Part of the reason I wanted to dance is that I thought it would help our marriage by re-introducing intimacy to our relationship. It sure didn't work out the way I planned. Dancing drove her much further away from me.

Anyone that is married and is thinking about dancing better think twice about it if their spouse doesn't want to dance.
 

Larinda McRaven

Site Moderator
Staff member
Those are your personal experiences and by no means a generalization that holds true. I know many people who have non-dancing spouses.

It takes a fabulous relationship and a fabulous spouse. It is not about dancing or not dancing. It is about the depth and sturdiness of a relationship to begin with.

As you say your relationship was troubled. Looking to external forces to fix that is naive. Looking within would have been a smarter move.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Those are your personal experiences and by no means a generalization that holds true. I know many people who have non-dancing spouses.

It takes a fabulous relationship and a fabulous spouse. It is not about dancing or not dancing. It is about the depth and sturdiness of a relationship to begin with.

As you say your relationship was troubled. Looking to external forces to fix that is naive. Looking within would have been a smarter move.


This.

I was tempted to respond earlier, but didn't. This. To blame a band-aid because it didn't do the job of a tourniquet is an early step on the way to understanding what really happened. It doesn't get you all the way there, but it is a step. At least one is thinking about it. The fact that dance didn't pull a somewhat estranged couple together is possibly more indicative of how far they were apart than of anything to do with dance. My $0.02. Not in a vacuum, and not theoretically speaking.

From my own experience, there's nothing naive about seeking any means to save a marriage that is important to you. The opposite is true, actually. It may not be realistic. But going to the mattresses to save a marriage is, IM very HO, worth doing ... or at least trying. But again, that has nothing to do with dance. *shrug*
 

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