Are social dancers intimidated by competitive ones?

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
You know what?

Here's the only thing I'd say.

To me (getting mowed down aside), the joy of dance is about losing yourself in the music with your partner. That's when I feel like I'm really dancing.

Maybe it sounds a little Zen and stupid and naive, but if you're paying that much attention to how another couple makes you feel on the floor, you're not paying enough attention to your own dancing.
and to add to what TC said, I think this is true for most people who understand the spirit of why they love to dance, whether socially or competitively as well....
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
You know what?

Here's the only thing I'd say.

To me (getting mowed down aside), the joy of dance is about losing yourself in the music with your partner. That's when I feel like I'm really dancing.

Maybe it sounds a little Zen and stupid and naive, but if you're paying that much attention to how another couple makes you feel on the floor, you're not paying enough attention to your own dancing.
Well, speaking as the only person on DF, apparently, who does get intimidated, I'll say this...

Yeah, the joy of dancing is about losing yourself in the music with your partner. And if you're paying enough attention to other couples then you're not focusing enough on yourself. But it's REALLY freakin' hard to get to the point of concentrating on your own dancing when the insecurity precedes it, and you're your own worst critic...and you can't get that critic out of your head enough or long enough to concentrated on the dancing. It's not a simple on/off switch, it's not as simple as "dealing with it" or "getting over it," and it's not easy to drown out that voice in your head and focus on your own dancing.

Or...maybe it's more correct to say that it's not easy to pay attention to your own dancing in a way that's anything other than purely negative. I'm concentrating on my own dancing all right--on just how much I suck, what I just effed up, and wondering what else I've effed up that I don't even know.

With all due respect to F, you can understand the spirit of why you love to dance all you want. It doesn't necessarily make a difference.
 

DrDoug

Active Member
But it's REALLY freakin' hard to get to the point of concentrating on your own dancing when the insecurity precedes it, and you're your own worst critic...and you can't get that critic out of your head enough or long enough to concentrated on the dancing. It's not a simple on/off switch, it's not as simple as "dealing with it" or "getting over it," and it's not easy to drown out that voice in your head and focus on your own dancing.
That has nothing to do with other dancers, though.

The good news is that you can learn to quiet your inner critic. Doing so is not easy, but it's easier than learning how to dance, IME.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
Well, speaking as the only person on DF, apparently, who does get intimidated, I'll say this...

Yeah, the joy of dancing is about losing yourself in the music with your partner. And if you're paying enough attention to other couples then you're not focusing enough on yourself. But it's REALLY freakin' hard to get to the point of concentrating on your own dancing when the insecurity precedes it, and you're your own worst critic...and you can't get that critic out of your head enough or long enough to concentrated on the dancing. It's not a simple on/off switch, it's not as simple as "dealing with it" or "getting over it," and it's not easy to drown out that voice in your head and focus on your own dancing.

Or...maybe it's more correct to say that it's not easy to pay attention to your own dancing in a way that's anything other than purely negative. I'm concentrating on my own dancing all right--on just how much I suck, what I just effed up, and wondering what else I've effed up that I don't even know.

With all due respect to F, you can understand the spirit of why you love to dance all you want. It doesn't necessarily make a difference.
and with all due respect to you....i still maintain that the solution is as simple and yet very very hard as getting over it...you have to see being "effed up" as the enemy...you really have no other choice...didn't say easy, just simple......as in not complex...trust me...doing rumba walks with all the sensual styling and all is enough to send me scurrying to my cave of "I can't do this".....but then every dollar spent is wasted and I might as well not even be on the lesson...b/c one can't have the posture to even pray that it will work out feeling that way.
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
That has nothing to do with other dancers, though.

The good news is that you can learn to quiet your inner critic. Doing so is not easy, but it's easier than learning how to dance, IME.
Not fundamentally, no. But the proximity turns up the volume on the critic.

I think I'd argue the reverse when it comes to ease of learning v. ease of turning off the critic.
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
and with all due respect to you....i still maintain that the solution is as simple and yet very very hard as getting over it...you have to see being "effed up" as the enemy...you really have no other choice...didn't say easy, just simple......as in not complex...trust me...doing rumba walks with all the sensual styling and all is enough to send me scurrying to my cave of "I can't do this".....but then every dollar spent is wasted and I might as well not even be on the lesson...b/c one can't have the posture to even pray that it will work out feeling that way.
True.

And some of us choose not to fight our demons, but, rather, to give them their space and find another way.
 

etp777

Active Member
I wholeheartedly agree with Peaches. If we ignore the demons, or even better, run halfway around the world to get away from them, maybe they'll go away, or at least stop bothering us. :)
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
I wholeheartedly agree with Peaches. If we ignore the demons, or even better, run halfway around the world to get away from them, maybe they'll go away, or at least stop bothering us. :)
Lol. I figure, give them their space to do their thing, I'll go about doing my thing. Generally, I aim for a state of mutual respect. Detente, if you will. Fighting them just makes things worse.
 

DrDoug

Active Member
Not fundamentally, no. But the proximity turns up the volume on the critic.
Both the critical thoughts and the extent to which we let them affect us are entirely within our own minds and, for most of us, entirely controllable. If you choose to be intimidated, go right ahead, but you're intimidating yourself; other dancers are not intimidating you.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
I wholeheartedly agree with Peaches. If we ignore the demons, or even better, run halfway around the world to get away from them, maybe they'll go away, or at least stop bothering us. :)
that is unlikely...you just have to get really really sick of them...and of what they have made of you:rolleyes:...only IME
 

etp777

Active Member
ha, true, true. I was just going to repsond to your comment about it being smart to avoid them or whatever. I think there's time and place for both. And being ready for it (either because you're sick of them, or you've gotten the necessary strength, or wahtever), is definitely the key. Fight the demons before you're ready, and it'll just cause you more pain and frsturation, and drive you farther from your goal. Wait utnil you're ready, and they don't stand a chance. :)
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
ha, true, true. I was just going to repsond to your comment about it being smart to avoid them or whatever. I think there's time and place for both. And being ready for it (either because you're sick of them, or you've gotten the necessary strength, or wahtever), is definitely the key. Fight the demons before you're ready, and it'll just cause you more pain and frsturation, and drive you farther from your goal. Wait utnil you're ready, and they don't stand a chance. :)
Very, very true.

The intimidation thing is a comparatively recent phenomenon. It didn't start until this spring, when I got to the point of possibly quitting altogether. One of these days I'll get back to it and deal with the fear, but I need to let it sit for now. I need to work through some things in my own head before I can go tackling things.

In the meantime, I'm just having a blast with AT, and pouring my heart into that.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
am learning that the whole "heart pouring" thing is something I have to monitor....though my natural tendency...I loved the line from that clint eastwood movie...um...about the female boxer...name escapes me now...Morgan Freeman has this great line about how the only guy he knows who boxed from the heart basically got his...rear..kicked in...that was the day I started dancing from my guts instead of my heart...b/c it is just way too volatile...my guts on the other hand are very dependable
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
am learning that the whole "heart pouring" thing is something I have to monitor....though my natural tendency...I loved the line from that clint eastwood movie...um...about the female boxer...name escapes me now...Morgan Freeman has this great line about how the only guy he knows who boxed from the heart basically got his...rear..kicked in...that was the day I started dancing from my guts instead of my heart...b/c it is just way too volatile...my guts on the other hand are very dependable
LOL...I don't think I have guts! I'm just trying to overcome dancing from my brain!
 

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