Asking experienced followers to dance.

#81
rails said:
However, I want to have fun when I'm out dancing and I sure as heck am not having fun dancing with a bored partner. What I end up doing in this situation is readjusting to a practice mindset to get some benefit out of it. I pay attention to her and work on connection and precision and all that, but I just completely leave off the idea of connecting in the squishy, spiritual, musical way because there's nothing there.
If there is little or no connection in the dance I usually end up talking with them while we dance and usually we can connect then even if it is on a lower level. Nothing is like that total connection where you dance as one but even the lower level connections have their value (lower level with respect to dancing, that is).
 
#82
Update time ...

Right ... I am now feeling a lot more natural and confident asking followers of all abilities for a dance ...

I spend the initial stages of a dance trying establishing a connection with my partner and then slowly building up the compexity of the moves.

I am feeling relaxed happy and confident 90% of the time (a big improvement from when I started).

However !! ... I've got a problem and feel unsure how to deal with it.

What happens when you develop a major crush on one of the regular dancers at your local scene (and she's unobtainable) ... !?

It is really unfortunate I know ... and even though I have not acted out of place or improper ... I still feel a bit bad / ashamed.

I wish I could just switch of feelings like a light switch ... but I do not seem to have control over them.

I also do not want it to spoil my enjoyment of dancing in my local scene.

Has anyone come across this before? How is best to resolve it? Can it be resolved?
 

Vin

New Member
#83
Great going on getting more comfortable with the scene Jamie. As for the dance crush, many of us have been there. In fact a recent thread discussed just this topic.
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=5774

To give you my honest opinion I would suggest not pushing anything with any scene regulars until you get very comfortable in the scene and even then tread carefully. The level you should be careful should depend on the size of the scene. The smaller the scene the more careful you should be.

In the meantime try and get a dance or two with her whenever you can and then enjoy the dance because there are few experiences better than a great dance with someone you are very attracted to.
 
#84
Yeah, I went through this fairly recently. Turned out she was married. But the feelings were still there. I still danced with her. I was just careful not to cross any lines or flirt with her. After a while I decided to concentrate my efforts on available women. I don't see anything wrong with asking someone out by the way, but the dance world is small and we keep seeing each other at various dances so you have to be a bit careful. Attitude and not crossing lines, etc. You have to be able to be in the same room with this person later is all I'm saying. And it would be nice if she were able to say good things about you to others instead of bad things. I'm not up on the salsa scene though. Definitely defer to those who are.
 
#85
Jamie said:
Update time ...

Right ... I am now feeling a lot more natural and confident asking followers of all abilities for a dance ...

I spend the initial stages of a dance trying establishing a connection with my partner and then slowly building up the compexity of the moves.

I am feeling relaxed happy and confident 90% of the time (a big improvement from when I started).

However !! ... I've got a problem and feel unsure how to deal with it.

What happens when you develop a major crush on one of the regular dancers at your local scene (and she's unobtainable) ... !?

It is really unfortunate I know ... and even though I have not acted out of place or improper ... I still feel a bit bad / ashamed.

I wish I could just switch of feelings like a light switch ... but I do not seem to have control over them.

I also do not want it to spoil my enjoyment of dancing in my local scene.

Has anyone come across this before? How is best to resolve it? Can it be resolved?
definitly with the crush problem lol

ive been there and im still there
but i just enjoy ALL of the dances i have with her :)
 
#86
Sagitta said:
Cist said:
but after another 6 month i got used to ask followers, also very attractive followers. now after dancing almost for 3 years it is still a challenge to ask the best of the best for a dance. this summer e.g. when edie the salsafreak held a workshop in vienna she asked me the following evening if i wanted to dance with her.....and guess what...i told her i acutally couldn't because i was too tired. well, it wasn't a lie but of course this feeling was welcome, because I WAS afraid of dancing with her. :shock: Really stupid but that's the way it still is for me...this experience shouldn't demotivate anybody, however, just shows how I still feel when asking real good followers for a dance.
I wish really good dancers like her asked me to dance. :( I would jump at that chance!
Same here Sagitta. I would only turn Edie down if I had 2 broken legs and a sore arm... 8)
 

MacMoto

Active Member
#87
Jamie said:
However !! ... I've got a problem and feel unsure how to deal with it.

What happens when you develop a major crush on one of the regular dancers at your local scene (and she's unobtainable) ... !?

It is really unfortunate I know ... and even though I have not acted out of place or improper ... I still feel a bit bad / ashamed.

I wish I could just switch of feelings like a light switch ... but I do not seem to have control over them.

I also do not want it to spoil my enjoyment of dancing in my local scene.

Has anyone come across this before? How is best to resolve it? Can it be resolved?
I think most of us here have had similar experiences to yours... dancefloor crushes happen all the time and are nothing to be ashamed of. How do you resolve it? Well, like any other crushes. Accept that it's not meant to be and hope for better luck next time. Try to stay friends with her. You don't want to end up in a situation where you feel you have to leave the scene so as not to face her again.
 
#88
MacMoto said:
I think most of us here have had similar experiences to yours... dancefloor crushes happen all the time and are nothing to be ashamed of. How do you resolve it? Well, like any other crushes. Accept that it's not meant to be and hope for better luck next time. Try to stay friends with her. You don't want to end up in a situation where you feel you have to leave the scene so as not to face her again.
:)

Are all crushes not meant to be MacMoto !?

I don't know ... it's hard to see her being interested in me though ... but she does have the most amazing smile and she's aimed it at me more than a few times ...

Totally agree about the stay friends with her (esp. as she is one of the best followers in my local scene) ... you can't have everything you want in life no matter how much you want it ... but that's no excuse not to be kind and gentleman like ...

The thing is ... whenever I see her ... I kind of lock up inside and find it hard to dance.

I believe everything should be moving and fluid constantly ... feelings ... emotions ... energy ... body ...

I am sure I will find a way to deal with this thing ... really don't want it to spoil my dancing ... which I'm really enjoying right now.

:)
 
#90
Jamie said:
Has anyone come across this before? How is best to resolve it? Can it be resolved?
You can ask her, and if you get shot down, deal with it.

You can wait around for years hoping she'll recognize your good qualities, but are likely to be disappointed.

You can try to turn the intensity of your feelings toward her into intensity of your dance connection (with her or others). That could have good effects.
 
#91
Jamie said:
The thing is ... whenever I see her ... I kind of lock up inside and find it hard to dance.

I believe everything should be moving and fluid constantly ... feelings ... emotions ... energy ... body ...
Yeah, that would be great. But it doesn't match my world. Some women I flow with, others I'm just ok with, and I lock up with other women. For the latter I stick to basics and don't try to be fantastic. Sometimes I'll relax more as the dance goes on. I mean we are human after all.
 
#93
Sagitta said:
Why is your dance crush unobtainable? Is she is married or has a special SO?
She is married. However, that doesn't account for the looks she gives me and the connection we share when our eyes meet ...

I really do think each and every situation between people is unique and you can't tar everyone with the same brush. I didn't go looking for this situation, she just poped up in front of me one day, out of the blue. I was a goner from day 1.

I've never really expressed to her my interest in her. I'm guessing she can tell though, just from the eye contact.
 

Adwiz

New Member
#94
Jamie said:
She is married. However, that doesn't account for the looks she gives me and the connection we share when our eyes meet ...
I've never really expressed to her my interest in her. I'm guessing she can tell though, just from the eye contact.
Don't assume that because she looks at you sexy on the dance floor she has a thing for you. Reminds me of how Safeway had to put a stop to their policy of having checkout clerks smile at customers because too many guys became convinced the woman was interested in them sexually. Women love dancing and feel alive and sexy when they dance. The looks they give usually has nothing to do with a desire to extend those endorphin-motivated feelings off the dance floor. I love the sexy looks women give me when I'm dancing with them. It's part of the fun, and has nothing to do with extra-curricular desire.
 
#95
Jamie said:
Sagitta said:
Why is your dance crush unobtainable? Is she is married or has a special SO?
She is married. However, that doesn't account for the looks she gives me and the connection we share when our eyes meet ...

I really do think each and every situation between people is unique and you can't tar everyone with the same brush. I didn't go looking for this situation, she just poped up in front of me one day, out of the blue. I was a goner from day 1.

I've never really expressed to her my interest in her. I'm guessing she can tell though, just from the eye contact.
Yup, this is tricky. Heck, I was all set to ask this one woman out after having a number of dances together. I even talked with her a bit to see if the chemistry was there outside of the dance. Then she informed me she was married. In fact, she never had designs on me because not only was she married but she was ten years older than me. (I thought she was younger than me but she knew better somehow.) The chemistry still lasted for a few more weeks till I decided I had better move on to more fruitful grounds.

Jamie, move on to more fruitful grounds.
 
#96
tacad said:
Jamie, move on to more fruitful grounds.
That's probably the wise thing to do ... reminds me of the saying, "if a thing doesn't come naturally, then it's not worth havng".

I'd like to drop this discussion now too, if that's ok.

Thanks for all the suggestions and insights tho.

- Jamie.
 

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