Can't Dance With Wife or Best Friend

I've been dancing seriously for about a year now and feel like I'm just emerging from Beginner Hell into Intermediate Hell. I'm definitely not a natural and will never be a great dancer, but I lead passably well everyone in my scene except the two people I want to dance with the most: my wife and my best friend.
My wife and I started taking classes together. We've always done well with other people but are constantly in each other's way when we dance together. The frustration has sent her home for the duration.
My best friend is an awesome, amazing dancer already. But I stink to holy hell if I ever try to lead her. I'm having a lot of fun at dances, except I can never dance with her.
Thinking about giving up. Why expend the time and resources on dancing if I can't do it with the people I actually want to? Advice?


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Isn't it weird how you just KNOW you've typed something sometime, but it just is NOT there when you go back to check it out later? Not speaking on behalf of new person, but my brain jumps around too much sometimes, so I don't know what's where, and I forget.


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Apparently, he has gotten some attitude from more advanced dancers, who simply walked away leaving him on the floor (that happened to me, also, with leaders at a different party). Really, really rude--since we informed the people asking we were beginners.
Wth, where are you guys dancing that this "abandonment" thing keeps happening? That is outrageously rude. Definitely not the norm nor acceptable behavior.

One thing I will add: don't, do not, seriously, don't try to coach him or back-lead him. For beginner leads, the learning process is already frustrating enough. Let the pros be the ones to critique his dancing.
Totally agreed. I was way too hard on my husband when we started learning to dance. As a follow, it seems so easy... why can't you just lead it right? Several years later when I was learning to lead, I finally realized how challenging it is, esp at the beginning.

If there are female pros dancing as leads while student leads are going without partners, say something to management. The pros need to set an example.
This is one of my top ten pet peeves. If there are male students on the sidelines, the female instructors need to tend to those students before they switch roles and start leading other female students. Esp if there is more than one male sitting on the sidelines. I knew a female instructor who relished the leading role and would often go after female students even if there were male students sitting out... drove me nuts. Because in my experience (ymmv), gentleman are a lot less tolerant of sitting out involuntarily and will tend not to come back, which further reduces the number of available male leads.
With me being left on the floor, it was a particular dance-style's practice party at one dance studio (but open to the public, and I think the guys who did it were NOT regular students, since I didn't recognize them). My husband was walked away from at a different school's social, and the culprit was a teacher/choreographer from a third school (that we've never been to) who was there as a guest. He also got walked away from at another school, in class, by an older woman-student--but she was in a very bad mood for other reasons, it seemed, and by the end of the hour was dancing with him happily.

I'm not sure what is going on, perhaps a bit of bad luck. I know I'm not a heavy follower--I've checked with other dancers about that--and my husband is a perfectly good lead for our level.

I think we ran into a couple difficult/cranky people, and that perhaps at the first social, where I got left on the floor, there are attendees who are not, in fact, students of the school and therefore don't feel any need to be nice.

Angel HI

Well-Known Member
..... there are attendees who are not, in fact, students of the school and therefore don't feel any need to be nice.
No matter! Rude is rude and crude is crude, and there is no place for it in what we do. I am a certified/licensed psychologist, and like to say that not much in the way of human behavior surprizes me, but the rest of your post is astounding! I have never encountered such behavior in such mass doses in all of my years in the biz. Perhaps, these persons need to be outed to the organizers, and not welcomed back.

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