Dancing with too good leaders

B

blue

New Member
I think I have seen a few threads on men intimidated my follows who are better than them. What about the opposite? Is that equally common?

Dancing with a good leader can be great, of course. There have been a few occasions, though, where I have become so focussed on making a good impression it spoiled the fun.

One was the tango teacher who danced with me once during the rotation - it was the last "round" of the first day and he said "now we'll see how much you've learned". I immediately tensed up, and did far worse than the minutes before.

Two lindy guys I have danced with had so much styling in their dance, I had difficulties in finding out what was going on. One was terribly uninterested in me (I asked him to dance, not having seen him dance, so I had no clue what kind of dancer he was. Otherwise I think I would not have asked him). Another one, who is a teacher and very good asked me to dance and was very nice and smiled - still, I felt more and more intimidated. I think I started OK but got worse over time. Probably I gave him the impression I did not like dancing with him! as I was too busy with trying to get stuff right, to have fun. I think he gave me lots of space - and I did not know what to do with it.

I have danced with my current dance teacher a couple of times. I am less intimidated by him - he has seen me so much, he knows what to expect of me. He doesn't talk or give me advice while or after social dancing, and that I much appreciate. Often he leads all kinds of stuff that I have not followed before, so I'd better just follow... I am usually pretty relaxed with him, can relax and have fun although there are plenty of occasions where I miss out what I should have done. I don't hate when it happens, I grimasch and it's OK. Sometimes though, when he leads four swingouts in a row, or something that we recently did in class... then I feel I am being tested, and suddenly it is not fun any more.

I guess the only solution is: stop caring so much. But hey, that is difficult! The only thing I can do is wait, I guess, until I get better and these guys do not seem so scary...
 
None of us are scary. We probably have all sorts of thoughts going through our heads, too, blue. :oops:
 
Hm, I bet the wolf said something along these lines to the Litte Red Riding Hood... :wink: :lol:
 
when I lead four swingouts in a row it's for one ormore of the following reasons:
1. Swingout is a cool move
2. Take things down to basic a bit, after leading lots of strange stuff
3. Give the follow a chance to do some improvisation
4. Give myself the chance to try out some improvisation

Don't feel intimidated, relax and have fun.
 
Dancing with excellent leaders can be intimidating. I consider myself to be an intermediate dancer, but have had many great dances with leaders who were better than me. I've also had many great dances with leaders who were just beginners. I think the key to any great dance is to relax and have fun. So simple but I think most people forget to do this. I think it's an honor to dance with instructors. I usually just let them go to town with some of their sophisticated moves. I went dancing last Friday and ended up dancing six straight songs with an amazing instructor. We were laughing and having fun the entire time. That makes for a great dance with anyone - regardless of their dance ability.
 
michelledoreen said:
Dancing with excellent leaders can be intimidating. I consider myself to be an intermediate dancer, but have had many great dances with leaders who were better than me. I've also had many great dances with leaders who were just beginners. I think the key to any great dance is to relax and have fun. So simple but I think most people forget to do this. I think it's an honor to dance with instructors. I usually just let them go to town with some of their sophisticated moves. I went dancing last Friday and ended up dancing six straight songs with an amazing instructor. We were laughing and having fun the entire time. That makes for a great dance with anyone - regardless of their dance ability.
Click to expand...
I completely agree michelledoreen. I keep on telling people that if they relax and have fun I am in the high heavens. I want them to have a good time. Let's forget about moves and listen to the music and be with the music...
 
It's kinda crazy. Whenever I ask or am asked by a new follower to dance usually the first thing out of their mouth is "I can't dance like you!" I usually smile and fire back "Stop worrying, I'm not going to try and outdance you! I'm here to dance with you." I've even had women I've dance with several times tell me they never dance their best with me because they get so nervous! I'm like :shock: It's just me, calm down :lol: :lol: Sheesh, I don't bite! [/b]
 
I don't know if this will help. I've found when I am intimidated by a follow that I need to step up to the plate and lead. Meaning I stop thinking about what they are thinking about me and do what I know needs to be done. After all this is my job right? I always feel a bit out of line though because I'm thinking that they are better than me how can I rightly assume such authority and (forgive the expression) mastery. Anyway this has worked for me.

So I'm guessing for follows you might be sexy, or do the styling you know. I mean there is a certain showing off the woman does whether it is elegance in waltz or sexy and shaking everything in salsa. Maybe a sense of 'I'm the woman, d--- it, and I'm going show this guy what that means!' Just a guess though.

motardmom recently told me to be bold. Maybe this is what is needed.
 
I am intimidated at first (yes I am) but relax during the dance... the moment I see what his leading style is... if we dance more, I relax so much that I don't care if I make mistakes or don't look as I would like to... :)

It's just dancing and if he chose to dance more songs in a row with me, he must like it... :)
 
intimidation, i think, has to do with character first and not dance level.. yes it is difficult not to be intimidated.. but thats when a mix of confidence, fun, passion and style come in as personal strengths one can draw upon to cancel out intimidation or any other energy sapping perceptions.. which simply serve to make one less their natural self .. let your mind lay back and your soul forth in dance.. and well, just dance.
 
I try and look at it from a positive angle. If they ask me to dance, it must be because they think I can handle it/them :lol: and if I ask them, it must be because I think I can handle them (they can handle me) :lol:

Some teachers I have danced with look fantastic on the dancefloor but when we dance, I feel like something the cat dragged in and left under the sofa somewhere :? :lol: I have worked out that it is to do with our chemistry. If the chemistry isn't there, it would not matter if I was the greatest dancer on the earth, I still move/feel like something the cat dragged in :lol:

BUT, until you try, you won't know and I am in the mood for trying/discovering :banana: :lol: Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
 
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