Dating a non-dancer

MaggieMoves

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm curious to everyone on here, and I posed this question with some of my friends and some of my instructors that dance as well. Would you ever consider dating someone that had no or very little interest in dancing?

I ask this because tonight I'm going on a date with a man who according to himself "doesn't like to dance." He doesn't know that I do, or I even compete. He was charming and interesting enough though on our first meeting that I'd figure I'm going to give him a chance anyway. In the past, I've had trouble with boyfriends when I'd be at the studio late practicing instead of hanging out with them. I've never been much of a couch potato though, and prefer any kind of movement.

Have small hopes to introduce him to it tonight, as the place we're going to has a small dance floor and plays a good mix of music.
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
#2
Do it all the time. I already have an ex in the dance community (had another but thankfully he moved away). Don't want another. Putting up with the time I spend at the studio (working, sadly, not practicing) is part of the deal they agree to before going out with me.
 

bia

Well-Known Member
#3
I dated people who weren't interested in dancing and discovered that it did result in me dancing less. Not because of pressure or jealousy, happily, but just because dance was otherwise my default social outlet, and with a non-dancing boyfriend, when I was with him, we did non-dance social things. Lessons/practice stayed the same. Of course, balancing time between partner and activity matters regardless of the activity. I never considered ruling someone out because they didn't want to dance -- would have made for too small a pool -- but I was very lucky that I ultimately met my now-husband at the dance studio.

With no guarantees and no endorsement of pressure, I would note that saying that he "doesn't like to dance" in layman's terms could well mean that he doesn't like freestyle dancing at bars/clubs/etc., and plenty of people who don't like clubbing do like ballroom. So it's possible that such a person may end up being interested in dancing and willing to try out quality instruction. (Of course, then you'd need to navigate the thorny issue of the skill gap within the couple. But one thing at a time.)
 
#5
So true on the club dancing thing...I literally don't know what to do with myself, in part because I need to be super socially lubricated to not find bar music choices grating.

My prior dance partner was also a romantic interest (we got engaged before breaking it off), and I'm fairly certain I'd rather date someone other than my dance partner. I'd love to date a gal who can appreciate dance and the dedication it takes, but since dance is my catharsis, I wouldn't want to go back to sharing it with one potential source of stress in my life (so basically, a ballet or jazz girl who appreciates the movement of ballroom and the dedication of competitive dance but has no interest in being my main partner is my magical Christmas land scenario).

Long story short, go for it! The reality is you have a time consuming hobby, which makes you way more interesting as a person but also makes your time a lot scarcer. It'll work for some guys (not every guy needs oodles of quality time to feel valued), and won't for others. Hope the date goes well!
 

Phil Owl

Well-Known Member
#6
I've dated a couple people in the past that just would not even go near a dance floor at all, ultimately drove me nuts!

I am VERY thankful to be with someone now who LOVES dancing along with me.
 

CCdance

Active Member
#7
haha same here, I'm pretty active, dont have that much couch potato time usually....my bf doesnt dance, he s got only one move lol crack me up every time he does that, but he's very supportive, and he's got his own hobby going on, soccer, so yeah, I understand your concern from your past experiences, I think that if you were to date someone who doesn't spend most spare time on the dance floor, make sure he has a 'life' outside of job/career, then he will much likely understands, appreciate and support your passion, the relationship will be going smoother, good luck!
 
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MaggieMoves

Well-Known Member
#8
haha same here, I'm pretty active, dont have that much couch potato time usually....my bf doesnt dance, he s got only one move lol crack me up every time he does that, but he's very supportive, and he's got his own hobby going on, soccer, so yeah, I understand your concern from your past experiences, I think that if you were to date someone who doesn't spend most spare time on the dance floor, make sure he has a 'life' outside of job/career, then he will much likely understands, appreciate and support your passion, the relationship will be going smoother, good luck!
Thanks for your input. That's pretty much how he is, really involved in hockey at about three to four nights a week.

I did actually get him up on the dance floor though. I think my toes are still bruised.:confused:
 

Dots

Active Member
#9
If I have learned something, it is that finding a good match is not necessarily about finding someone who has the same hobbies as you, but rather finding someone with a compatible insanity :p

So without knowing any details, I would put the following suggestions:

- If a prospective date likes to dance, great!
- If not but is willing to try it out, great!
- If he does not want to, but is comfortable with you dancing and has hobbies of his own to keep him busy, great!
- If he does not want to, is jealous and bored unless you're doing the same thing as him... that's not so great.

That's about it :)
 
#10
If I have learned something, it is that finding a good match is not necessarily about finding someone who has the same hobbies as you, but rather finding someone with a compatible insanity :p

So without knowing any details, I would put the following suggestions:

- If a prospective date likes to dance, great!
- If not but is willing to try it out, great!
- If he does not want to, but is comfortable with you dancing and has hobbies of his own to keep him busy, great!
- If he does not want to, is jealous and bored unless you're doing the same thing as him... that's not so great.

That's about it :)
Realistically, the fourth one is a toxic personality trait regardless...unless being completely inseparable from your SO is your ultimate goal. But there is the case of dance in particular having a negative association for them.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#13
meh...I don't know, even though it wouldn't be my choice to make enjoyment of dance a deal breaker, I reckon a person is entitled to make whatever list of deal breakers they chose...that being said, IME, things like that shift when loneliness sets in anyhow :)
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#15
completely agree....and, as I said, my observation is that the deal breakers tend to fad away as the loneliness becomes more prominant
 
#16
I'm married to a non-dancer. He'll dance a few dances with me at weddings but I know it's not his favorite thing to do. I try to schedule my dance stuff at the same time he has his hockey. We have no problems.
 

MaggieMoves

Well-Known Member
#18
I guess dancing is your sole interest?
For me, not at all. While dancing does eat up a lot of my free time, I do enjoy plenty of other things.

I guess I'd call this guy my boyfriend now, but he was very interested in coming to my showcase event this month. Suddenly I did feel a bit nervous about picking such a "cheeky" song with him watching. He ended up loving the event though.
 

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