Dealbreaker: He Didn’t Dance

kckc

Active Member
#2
and I just came across this by happenstance today, 3 weeks later :)

I wouldn't find not dancing to be a deal-breaker, but what would be more of a concern would be if he didn't have a passion for something. Could be wine, movies, bicycling, painting, football, whatever, as long as he has some interests of his own and wouldn't be threatened by my passion for dancing with other men if he wasn't interested.

We've had threads on the subject of one partner not being a dancer and the distress it sometimes causes (sometimes the nondancer is male, sometimes female).
 
#7
I find whether someone dances or not to be a big deal, but probably wouldn't be a dealbreaker. I pondered the issue recently on my blog and it launched quite a bit of discussion. I can't post the URL but if you Google Calliope Terpsichore you'll find it. The title of the post is Dancers Who Date.
 

bia

Well-Known Member
#8
In the particular case of the article, it seems to me that dancing was in fact a good diagnostic of a personality mismatch. Not just that they couldn't do something together that was important to her, but also that she was confused that he would be uncomfortable with freestyle dancing but then later take up swing. A let-it-all-hang-out type and a freedom-through-structure type can get along if each accepts the other's way of being as legitimate, but not if not. It didn't seem to me as if she did, so breaking up was the healthy decision.
 
#9
In the particular case of the article, it seems to me that dancing was in fact a good diagnostic of a personality mismatch. Not just that they couldn't do something together that was important to her, but also that she was confused that he would be uncomfortable with freestyle dancing but then later take up swing. A let-it-all-hang-out type and a freedom-through-structure type can get along if each accepts the other's way of being as legitimate, but not if not. It didn't seem to me as if she did, so breaking up was the healthy decision.
Interesting point. The author wasn't just looking for a guy who danced - which this guy was, eventually. She seemed more specifically disappointed that her boyfriend wasn't a good street dancer who would fit in with her friends. As she put it, "I watched my friends throw down sick moves, krump, laugh, and twirl each other around. We had spent our college years bonding this way".

I think it was an unrealistic expectation for her boyfriend to be a krumper and "throw down sick moves." I guess her life was like a Step Up movie. I like those movies, too but I don't base a relationship on it. :rolleyes:
 
#10
I agree with what's been said in the last couple of posts. There is a huge difference between dancing in a structured way (such as ballroom or latin) and shaking one's booty in a club. I love the former and absolutely detest the latter. I really wish I could do it, but I can't. I always end up on the dancefloor at weddings and regret it within seconds because I haven't the faintest idea what to do with any of my limbs. In ballroom, on the other hand, there's a pattern to follow and you don't have to try and work out where to put your arms. If that kind of dancing doesn't come naturally to you, it's a painful experience. It sounds to me like the author of the article doesn't get that.
 
#11
To paraphrase an exchange between myself and my sister:

"What if you found the perfect girl and she didn't want to dance?"

"...Clearly you do not understand the nature of the question."

Yes, I'd want someone who needs to dance. I don't anticipate this being a problem as ballroom has become my all-consuming passion; the numbers are in my favor and I'm not desperate for a relationship. (I'm not that bad a fellow, either.) Unlike other hobbies, this pretty much involves lots of physical contact with the opposite sex. Call me crazy, that I'd prefer the majority of that to be with the one I would love.

Again, my situation is favorable for this. That doesn't mean it will play out this way.
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#12
For me the person would need to be willing to partner dance, wouldn't mind me dancing out and at least dance with me at home. But partner dance needs to be in the picture. If I don't partner dance for a while I find a difference in what I am and I prefer the dancing me. ;)
 

ajiboyet

Well-Known Member
#13
Could be a deal breaker for me too. I don't need you to love sequins and rhinestones and lycra and chiffon and spray tan. But at least get up and dance at a wedding.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#15
my view is that, if God forbid, I ever found myself unmarried....and if there was ever a new man in my life, he would either have to be an excellent ballroom dancer, or be willing to pay for one.... :)...
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
#16
Could be a deal breaker for me too. I don't need you to love sequins and rhinestones and lycra and chiffon and spray tan. But at least get up and dance at a wedding.
Heh, I'd actually be happier with someone willing to bite the bullet and compete but who didn't especially care about social dancing. Especially weddings and such, where 99% of the people at most barely qualify as competent, let alone skilled.

And were I actually to have a partner, if he didn't dance or especially like that I did, he better be okay with my buying a new-toy horse who's a better show prospect than the one I have, and my paying for lessons again...thinking of taking up reining anyway...
 
#17
Could be a deal breaker for me too. I don't need you to love sequins and rhinestones and lycra and chiffon and spray tan. But at least get up and dance at a wedding.

nicely put! :) not every guy finds it easy to start dancing, but i'd definitely find it hard if my guy refused to get up and goof around a little at weddings or social functions.

although i do think its tough to date a guy who doesn't dance just because it'd be hard for him to understand the nature of your relationship with your partner. i'm dating a fellow ballroom dancer but even he gets a little iffy if i spend too much time at practice :(
 

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