Finding willing dance partners at the venue

[Salsaonone]

I would say that over 90 percent of the time, I, as a leader, have to find a follower and ask them to dance (and if any woman asks me, I always say yes). However, I have found that at any particular dance club, it can be hard to distinguish the women who want to dance, and those who for whatever reason do not want to dance. Some like to listen to the music and talk to their friends, and others who want to dance are somewhere within the same group. Maybe we could come up with a global simple sign or hand signal that women can use as a man approaches so the guy can either move on and find a willing dance partner, or ask the person who gives the "Yes" sign.... :lol: I don't understand why its so complicated....Some women hide away from the dance floor and I hear complaints that no one asks them to dance, and others at the dance floor have never said yes.... :doh:

 

[Sagitta]

I know my scenes pretty well now so I usually don't have a problem, unless there aren't enough women.. :? Happens during the slow times.

 

[Chris Stratton]

Maybe we could come up with a global simple sign or hand signal that women can use as a man approaches so the guy can either move on and find a willing dance partner, or ask the person who gives the "Yes" sign....

Simple - if she looks at you enthusiastically as you approach, she wants to dance. If she's too involved in something else to make eye contact, then apparently she doesn't want to.

 

[MacMoto]

I don't understand why its so complicated....Some women hide away from the dance floor and I hear complaints that no one asks them to dance, and others at the dance floor have never said yes.... :doh:

I'm beginning to realise that people often don't realise what message their body language or behaviour is sending out... when I went to a club with a friend of mine, she chose to sit as far away from the dancefloor as possible, and it didn't occur to her that she was making it difficult for guys to ask her until someone suggested she sit somewhere closer to the dancefloor.

Personally I think it's much easier to just go ask guys to dance than try and send the right non-verval signals to the right guys, but that's just me... :roll:

 

[ReneeJoan]

I never realized you fellas had it so tough. As a woman, I see you guys in control of the situation. I didn't realize it was so complicated.

As I think I posted on another thread, a lot of times when I'm not being asked, and I don't feel like either sitting or leaving, then I’ll go ask someone. I usually start by looking and seeing if there are any new faces, or out of town visitors, as I like to make sure people feel welcome in LA (see thread on friendly regions). Then, I look for my “regulars.” And yes, I will try to ask someone who looks like a shy beginner, since once they break the ice, they’ll usually go and ask other people, and besides, they’ll adore me forever, and that’s always nice.

I have noticed, though, and some guys have actually told me, that when they see these little “hen sessions” among the women, they feel that the women are shutting them out and don’t want to dance, but prefer to talk. I can tell you it’s not true, that the women talk to each other to cover up the fact that no one is asking them to dance, and I can’t think of one woman who wouldn’t break off the confab mid-word if someone asked her to dance. But I tend to sit by myself as a result, unless someone comes and sits next to me.

Also, I’ve noticed that on Friday’s and Saturday’s, it’s “date night,” and a lot of the men come with wives or girlfriends, leaving less than six unattached men at a party with more than 50 people. It gets tough to get a dance at that point, and I guess the guys have an equal problem. So many woman are with someone, there’s hardly anyone left to dance, unless you’re willing to take the risk of breaking up a twosome.

What’s the answer? I guess it’s just to be bold and keep asking. Eventually, you’ll hit pay dirt.

Renee

PS Another good way to get dances is to hang out by the snack tables and talk to people who come over to get a goody. After you talk with them for a few minutes, ask them to dance!!

 

[Chris Stratton]

I have noticed, though, and some guys have actually told me, that when they see these little “hen sessions” among the women, they feel that the women are shutting them out and don’t want to dance, but prefer to talk. I can tell you it’s not true, that the women talk to each other to cover up the fact that no one is asking them to dance, and I can’t think of one woman who wouldn’t break off the confab mid-word if someone asked her to dance. But I tend to sit by myself as a result, unless someone comes and sits next to me.

I personally think it's rude to interrupt an ongoing conversation to ask someone to dance unless they indicate by doing something like making eye contact that they are aware of things beyond the conversation itself. Just because dances are oriented around dancing does not mean that dancing trumps every thing else that might be going on at any particular moment.

 

[Spitfire]

I have noticed, though, and some guys have actually told me, that when they see these little “hen sessions” among the women, they feel that the women are shutting them out and don’t want to dance, but prefer to talk. I can tell you it’s not true, that the women talk to each other to cover up the fact that no one is asking them to dance, and I can’t think of one woman who wouldn’t break off the confab mid-word if someone asked her to dance. But I tend to sit by myself as a result, unless someone comes and sits next to me.

No, this may not be done as a way to avoid being asked, but it will discourage it. A lot of people including myself don't like to ask someone for a dance if they are busy talking thinking they might be interupting something.

 

[Spitfire]

I would say that over 90 percent of the time, I, as a leader, have to find a follower and ask them to dance (and if any woman asks me, I always say yes). However, I have found that at any particular dance club, it can be hard to distinguish the women who want to dance, and those who for whatever reason do not want to dance. Some like to listen to the music and talk to their friends, and others who want to dance are somewhere within the same group. Maybe we could come up with a global simple sign or hand signal that women can use as a man approaches so the guy can either move on and find a willing dance partner, or ask the person who gives the "Yes" sign.... :lol: I don't understand why its so complicated....Some women hide away from the dance floor and I hear complaints that no one asks them to dance, and others at the dance floor have never said yes.... :doh:

This is more of a problem with dancing in clubs as compared with dancing at a studio party or something like a USABDA event where to my experience anyway, almost no one is going to turn you down as everyone is there to dance where that is not neccesarily so at a night club. I use to do most of my C&W dancing at clubs and the only sure way to know if someone wanted to dance was to ask; the worst they ever did was to say no.

 

[danceguy]

I always am more inclined to ask women to dance who look like they want to dance and have a good time. Everyone always says "ladies - stand by the dance floor, smile and groove with the music and someone will ask you to dance..." and I can't begin to repeat how true and important this is...BUT very few women actually put it into practice! :?

There have been times when I'm in "dance mode" that I've even walked up to a bar and interrupted a woman chatting away with her friends...I know its a bit rude, but I come to clubs to dance...not sit and BS with people! Oddly enough, most everytime I've done this, the women have said yes. :shock: :wink:

For instance I was out at an old venue last night...and there was a group of about 7-8 women that I didn't recognize sitting right near the dance floor. Most of them were either chatting, staring at the floor or sitting there with grump-frumpy scowls that would scare away puppies and small children in a fit of tears. No one was asking them to dance...and I avoided them like the plague since from past experience, usually every time I approach ladies who huddle like this they always say no! :roll:

Body language can really alter someone's perceptions of you, regardless of your true intentions. I know that my best nights dancing are when I go to a venue and there's a lot of ladies standing by the floor feeling the music, not sitting down in a corner somewhere. All you need to do is offer them your hand and smile and they are more than happy to dance!

Would that we could have more positive people like this at Salsa venues!

 

[MacMoto]

I have noticed, though, and some guys have actually told me, that when they see these little “hen sessions” among the women, they feel that the women are shutting them out and don’t want to dance, but prefer to talk. I can tell you it’s not true, that the women talk to each other to cover up the fact that no one is asking them to dance, and I can’t think of one woman who wouldn’t break off the confab mid-word if someone asked her to dance. But I tend to sit by myself as a result, unless someone comes and sits next to me.

I personally think it's rude to interrupt an ongoing conversation to ask someone to dance unless they indicate by doing something like making eye contact that they are aware of things beyond the conversation itself. Just because dances are oriented around dancing does not mean that dancing trumps every thing else that might be going on at any particular moment.

This is a good example of what I'm talking about -- people not knowing the message they are sending out! Girls have a chat because they don't want to be seen as obvious wall flowers, while guys think these girls don't want to dance!

I think we think and worry far too much for our own good. Just go and ask for a dance, boys and girls!

 

[Lockstep]

Yes ma'am!

Personally, I've always thought that if they are indeed so busy chatting, they'll just turn me down, so no harm in asking, no?

 

[tj]

It happens, and it's probably the #1 reason why strangers to a scene don't get asked nearly as much as they should.

In my personal experience, once people start recognizing you, they'll be more open to dancing with you.

But hey, the others are right in that the worst that could happen is that you ask and they turn you down.

 

[Chris Stratton]

Yes ma'am!

Personally, I've always thought that if they are indeed so busy chatting, they'll just turn me down, so no harm in asking, no?

No, because turning you down would be rude. Just because it was rude for you to interrput doesn't mean they are going to be rude back.

When you interrupt someone's ongoing interaction with one person, you force them to make a choice between interacting with you, or continuing to interact with the other person. You put them in a situation where they can't be perfectly polite to everyone.

 

[tchaguito]

that's the ultimate challenge. Constantly...
My scene is quite small, so it's kind of easy to tell who are the salseras and who are not, but that only helps me in about 50% of cases, which is when I invite people I already know. The other 50% I invite strangers, whether I know they can dance or not (I might have seen them dance the previous music). It's always a shot in the dark, but I have noticed that on a typical night I will dance with about 15-20 different followers and get around 4-5 rejections, so I guess the salsa world is quite proportional. There will always be willing people to dance (if you're nor the kind of guy every girl in the venue goes into a line to dance with you,
you just have to be active enough to keep on inviting all the time), and there will always be people who don't dance, or for some reason, don't want to dance with you.
I love dancing with strangers, and I have never gone out without having danced at least with one person I didn't know/danced with previously.

I think the secret is to invite, invite, invite. And continue to improve, of course, so that when you're dancing with someone and keep getting better all the time, the odds are that more people will be interested in dancing with you. If you're getting a lot of no's, perhaps you should think if there is something wrong with you.

Tiago

 

[Sabor]

market forces rule in everything..

assuming product = you

that simply states that given everything else is constant.. incase of product over supply (u oversupply yourself) demand will weaken and value falls

incase supply is less/limitted .. demand will stengthen and value rises

when they are both equal.. its a state of equilibrium/balance .. and that is the best point = u being asked/demanded as much as u ask/demand.. no special signs necessary..

ofcourse..quality of the 'product ia a major function that could tip the balance both sides and works for its benefit.. so, given that quality is the only thing that is relatively in your control.. improving it on an ongoing basis is the best bet in any situation and will help u get to 'equilibrium' more effectively..