Friends...stupid question from a "two year old"...

singndance

Well-Known Member
#5
Friends come in and out of your life for a reason, it seems. I'm sorry for whatever happened, but I think sometimes you will turn away or stop seeking out a friend's company for a reason, and sometimes they will stop seeking your friendship. There are a few that are lifelong, the kind that you can pick up with no matter how long the time has been since you've seen or talked to them, but for me that has been the exception, not the rule. I am sure new people will come into your life if you are open to it.
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#6
Friends come in and out of your life for a reason, it seems. I'm sorry for whatever happened, but I think sometimes you will turn away or stop seeking out a friend's company for a reason, and sometimes they will stop seeking your friendship. There are a few that are lifelong, the kind that you can pick up with no matter how long the time has been since you've seen or talked to them, but for me that has been the exception, not the rule. I am sure new people will come into your life if you are open to it.
thanks for the kind and honest words singdance! :notworth:
 

latingal

Well-Known Member
#7
Losing the presence of somebody you valued in your life is sad, and that feeling should be honored. It is a way of reflecting and valuing the shared time together and the growth that you experienced with that individual.

But each of us have our own paths, and we are graced at times with the presence of another only for a limited amount of time. When you meet someone of great impact to your life, you always carry their influence with you....in that way, they never leave you.

And with the wisdom that comes with years and loss, we realize that each loss carries with it new opportunities, some greater and more positive than we might have imagined in the depth of the sorrow of our loss.

A wise man once said:

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -- Alexander Graham Bell

Honor your sadness, but then take forward the best of what you experienced together to your new opportunities....
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#8
exactly...and I think most of us probably look back for far longer than is good for us..the best way to pull oneself out of something, is to reach for something else rather than to sit and wait for a feeling to end
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#10
exactly...and I think most of us probably look back for far longer than is good for us..the best way to pull oneself out of something, is to reach for something else rather than to sit and wait for a feeling to end
so nicely put...I've been waiting and waiting for the feeling to end and it doesn't...
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#11
Losing the presence of somebody you valued in your life is sad, and that feeling should be honored. It is a way of reflecting and valuing the shared time together and the growth that you experienced with that individual.

But each of us have our own paths, and we are graced at times with the presence of another only for a limited amount of time. When you meet someone of great impact to your life, you always carry their influence with you....in that way, they never leave you.

And with the wisdom that comes with years and loss, we realize that each loss carries with it new opportunities, some greater and more positive than we might have imagined in the depth of the sorrow of our loss.

A wise man once said:

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -- Alexander Graham Bell

Honor your sadness, but then take forward the best of what you experienced together to your new opportunities....
we have the same saying in Modern Greek, you know.
The taking the best of what you experienced it together is what is so hard, I guess. You just have to let go, don't you? Once, it took me 8 years to realize I had to let go. When you are miles away with borders in between and out of work, there's nothing more you can do to help your friend in need...
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#12
Grief at a loss is normal and healthy. Just remind yourself to look forward, and not just back.
you never cease to amaze me. you men are sometimes so good; you just keep it simple and true. grief...I hadn't realized that's what it was, you know...I hadn't admitted it to myself and you need to know what it is and feel it in the fullest to stop looking back...thanks toothlesstiger!!!you're always there!
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#13
I just need to thank all of you DFers for being such good friends. I felt silly when I started the thread but I don't anymore.
 

singndance

Well-Known Member
#14
Never silly...you are hurting and having a hard time. It is good to express that and get some feedback from those who aren't involved in your situation. There are some very wise and caring people here.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#15
I have found there to be truth in the (cliched) saying:


If you love someone let them go.
If they stay away then they were never yours to begin with.
If they come back then they are yours to keep.


To be honest, when I have been in shoes similar to yours, I have tended to obsess on the "if they come back" part for quite a while before realizing that the lost friend was probably going to stay away.

From the perspective of someone who is not in your shoes and therefore has the luxury of being philosophical about it, I suggest you try to focus on the first statement as much as you can. Try to see letting go as an act of love. (I don't mean romantic love. I mean the love that is friendship. I can't remember the word in Greek. It's been a long time since I studied all the Greek words for love in Bible class. But you probably know which one I mean, right?)

If I truly am a friend to a person who, for whatever reason, can't be in my life right now, then I have to dig deep into the part of me that cares about them and let them go. If I really care about them, would I want to inflict a negative relationship on them? No. Of course not. The hard part is acknowledging that the negative stuff might be part of a relationship with ME. Not necessarily my fault. Maybe just bad timing, or bad karma, or uncontrollable circumstances. But still negative, so I have to let them go. *shrug*

It is hard. You have my deepest sympathy.
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#17
Never silly...you are hurting and having a hard time. It is good to express that and get some feedback from those who aren't involved in your situation. There are some very wise and caring people here.
Indeed, in a year's time I've had a lot of help from this forum, and I'm happy I still do.
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
#18
The hard part is acknowledging that the negative stuff might be part of a relationship with ME. Not necessarily my fault. Maybe just bad timing, or bad karma, or uncontrollable circumstances. But still negative, so I have to let them go. *shrug*
If it's not too much to ask explain this to me. I am not sure I follow. Are you referring to a friendship that went sour? Not that it doesn't apply in my case.
I lost too many friends the last years. An old friend passed away, a close friend found a job miles away and now started a family there, another left me and others left the country.It seems I'm running out of friends. But it's only normal considering I used to live in England and then resettled in Greece. And with all that's going on here everyone is now leaving. Do tell me p!
 

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