Heard any good jokes? (keep it clean and polite)


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It wasn't just me! Besides, I love blondes. DH is (strawberry-)blonde, my mom is blonde. My brother used to be, when he was little.
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg.

One actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000.

Another actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "I have this situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"


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had a colleague ask a question over lunch, w/ a funny backup story...

"who have better friends, men or women?"
<then everyone mutters their opinions for a few minutes>

"well... a woman came home to her husband in the morning after being gone all night... her husband asked where she was, and she replied 'i was at my girlfriend's house'. the husband called 10 of her best girlfriends and, when he asked whether she'd stayed over, they all said, 'no'.

"a man, came home to his wife in the morning after being gone all night... his wife asked where he'd been, and he replied, 'i was at my buddy's house'. the wife called 10 of his best friends and, when asked whether he'd stayed over, 8 said 'yes', and two said 'he's still here!!!'."



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A true story from my Aussie friend...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
"Hey you!"
So the koala looked down at him and said,

"Sheeeeesh dude.....

How much water did you drink?!!"


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there were three native-american women.

one slept on a bear skin,
another slept on an elk skin,
and the last one slept on a hippopotamus skin.

eventually, time came for the women to give birth.

the bear-skin woman gave birth to a son.
the deer-skin woman gave birth to a boy, as well.
and the woman on the hippopotamus skin gave birth to twin boys.

which goes to show ya... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.


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I fervantly hope this joke never crosses the path of either of my children b/c I would hate to have to throttle them for doing such a thing, though their report cards are not likely to be the issue
You can blame samina for reminding me of this one:

Did you hear about the guy who went to play tennis instead of going to his wife's funeral? Guess that was a case of putting the court before the hearse.

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