Homosexual Dancers

#81
I just came across this thread and had to tell my story...

First off, I (hetero) have no problem with gay folks at the dances. I generally go to the (mainly salsa) socials, and sometimes the salsa clubs, and it's rare to see any same sex couples dancing, although I think I did see a male couple once or twice at a social. As to F/F couples, while I have seen women dancing together, my sense is that in the instances I've seen, they were just friends or maybe a female instructor that knew how to lead, dancing with a female follower, and not a couple per se.

Anyway, one time I was at a salsa social that I have gone to many times, and where I have never seen any obviously gay folk. A woman came over to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I was a bit taken aback, as it would have been one thing if I knew her, and in addition, I had never seen her before at any of the dances. Anyway, I usually don't turn someone down unless I had a previous bad experience with them. I inferred this woman obviously knew how to lead and was just looking for a presumed follower like myself to dance with. I nodded "yes" and then she said "you know how to dance right?" and I'm like "yeah" (and thinking "what an odd question to ask...do I LOOK like a total newbie??")

Anyway, as we begin to dance, I get a better look at her and I'm like "oy vey...she's not just a woman that knows how to lead...I think she's a lesbian!" But it wasn't so much the fact that she was a lesbian that made me uncomfortable, but how she also came across. She was somewhat large, and had ample breasts. Whenever we were in closed position, I could feel her (large) left breast smooshed up against me, and honestly.... it felt very awkward for me. I was also a bit self-conscious as to what other people might be thinking..if they were wondering if I had any idea she was a lesbian...if maybe I'm into women, etc. I think another factor was that salsa in and of itself can be a sexual/flirtatious dance, and I don't feel comfortable being this way with an obvious lesbian. In addition, she was a bit rough with me during turn patterns. She also "corrected" me a few times. And I know this might sound rather "sexist" of me but....it's one thing for a man to correct me (which I don't like during social dancing), but I'll be damned if another woman is going to give me an uninvited correction! :) Hypocritical and sexist of me, I know. But that was honestly what I was thinking!

Anyway, I couldn't wait for the dance to end. I haven't run into her again, and just hope I am never put in that compromising position again. I just really didn't enjoy the dance.
 
#82
I really don't care who dances with who at socials. I've practiced a number of times with another female teacher and it's been nice b/c if a guy isn't around we can practice reverse roles to get the lead parts down.

I've also danced with another female at a social before and she did give me a bit of a funny look. I didn't see the big deal b/c I'd rather be on the floor than sitting on a chair watching everyone! Her and I did a hustle and that was that, I think she had fun, sorry if I wasn't a guy. :p
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#83
sounds like a common case of having been man-handled... gender being irrelevant. never a pleasant experience.
(hang on, i take that back... there are certainly those that seek the experience out... i am certainly not included in that group.)
 
#84
sounds like a common case of having been man-handled... gender being irrelevant. never a pleasant experience.
Agreed. I remember one gentleman and his wife were good social dancers except the poor woman was being tossed around the floor and he became the center of the dance... I realized this after I had a dance with him. I value my arms thank you very much!
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#85
my closest female friend is gay and have spent time with her circle of friends on numerous accounts. it's been interesting noting the flexibility of gender roles amongst the group. gender is truly far more complex than "check M or F"...
 

Tori

New Member
#86
I don't care much who dances with who.
Dancing is dancing. Regardless of gender.
My Dad on the other hand is a little bit less open minded.
 
#87
It really is a generation thing I think Tori - perhaps the tendency of the younger ones of hanging out in large groups, rather than pairing off immediately into boy-girl as quickly as possible, has allowed them to get to know each other and the lovely richness of human variety. Or to put it in one word, tollerance.
 

Joe

Well-Known Member
#88
In addition, she was a bit rough with me during turn patterns. She also "corrected" me a few times. And I know this might sound rather "sexist" of me but....it's one thing for a man to correct me (which I don't like during social dancing), but I'll be damned if another woman is going to give me an uninvited correction! :) Hypocritical and sexist of me, I know. But that was honestly what I was thinking!
Rudeness is rudeness, irrespective of gender or sexual orientation.
 

anp73ga31

Active Member
#90
There are so many extra women in our area, that no one really thinks twice about women dancing with women. My friends and I will dance hustle or swing or merengue together just for the fun of it. I have one girl friend who likes to lead chacha. Now that I'm thinking of it, though, it seems like we do tend to stick more to the latin/rhythm dances or non-ballroom dances (dont know how else to catagorize hustle, etc). With the exception of my girl friend who likes to lead VW, that is. And for laughs, her husband and one of the local studio owners (also a male) will sometimes break into a VW just to prove they can do as well as we can (now THEY used to get some weird looks until people got used to it! lol!) Anyway, we are all just straight people wanting to get out there and dance in any way we can. I can only really think of one lady in our area who is quite obviously a lesbian...she only dances lead and since we have tons of extra women she always has lots of partners. I have no problem dancing the smooth dances with her, though it felt kind of odd at first until my girl friends and I figured out it was because she wore sleeveless shirts and we werent used to holding onto bare arms, much less a womans arms. She's a good lead, though, and I like to dance with her. If I had my choice, however, I would dance with a man. Dont have much use for them outside of dance, but it just feels better and more natural to dance with men. And I will admit that sometimes I worry if people think I too am lesbian, especially if the woman I mentioned sits with me and dances mostly with me during the entire social. I've noticed that then the men tend NOT to ask me to dance, which is not good. Not that lots of them clamor to ask me to dance anyway....
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#91
ya know, speaking only for myself...i guess I really wouldn't care if folks thought I was GLB or T....I mean none of those things imply an innappropriate acting out anymore than being hetero does......meh
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#92
ya know, speaking only for myself...i guess I really wouldn't care if folks thought I was GLB or T....I mean none of those things imply an innappropriate acting out anymore than being hetero does......meh
Ditto, although it may be that I'm inured to it.

Pre-DH, I know a fair number of people assumed I was gay, and were somewhat surprised when I took up with a guy. Since-DH, some people assume I'm bi, although it seems to happen with much less frequency, prolly just b/c I'm married.

*shrug* Whatever.
 

etp777

Active Member
#94
Heh, lots of people assume I'm gay because I dance. Fact I like a decent glass of wine and can dress halfway decently doesn't help either.
 

Gssh

Well-Known Member
#96
What i find interesting is that what is being discussed here is not really "homosexual dancers", but "dancers who dance the role that is traditionally reserved for the other gender". I know at least one woman who is lesbian and who dances exclusivly as a follower, and i have danced with straight men who were dancing as followers - i sometimes dance as a follower, and i am not gay either. And there is at least one couple at the dances that i frequent who both dance both roles, so you can see a straight woman leading a straight man. Actually, now that i think about it, all of the female leaders i know are straight, and just prefer/enjoy leading.

So, for the people objecting to "homosexual dancers"- what would be worse:
A gay man leading a gay woman or
A straight woman leading a straight man?

Gssh
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#97
Have people actually objected to "homosexual" dancers? Somehow, that's not what I got from reading the thread...at least, not recently.
 

Gssh

Well-Known Member
#98
Have people actually objected to "homosexual" dancers? Somehow, that's not what I got from reading the thread...at least, not recently.
Nah, nobody has - i just thought it interesting that "sexual orientation" and "conforming to gender roles" is being discussed as the
same thing, and i wanted to contrast these ideas.

A better phrasing would have been:
"So, hypothetically, for people who object to "homosexual dancers" - what would be more objectionable: "

Gssh
 
#99
I think I've read it all and the objections have not been to homosexual per se but to unwanted attention - and that has been appreciated as not a gay/lesbian issue but a human one. Its interesting, however, that not a single person has stated that they are G or L (or anything else). I find it near impossible that that can be true and suspect that in itself that indicates at least a percieved potential stigma in the ballroom circles.

So, to be provocative, if someone said they were G/L/T do you think that would make it harder for them to find teachers or partners of the opposite physical sex (I add that simply because the ballroom community currently does discriminate against same sex couples).
 
Elise: I could be wrong, but I would suspect that not only would it not be harder, but that it might be easier for the L/G/T to find a dance partner of the opposite sex, because then both parties know that they don't have to worry about the whole "sex" thing hanging in the air between them. I would love to be able to find a gay guy to dance with cuz then I could "totally" relax. :--) Course, some might say that sexual tension adds to the chemistry between two otherwise platonic dancers...
 

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