How can I kindly refuse if someone constantly ask me to dance ?

nucat78

Active Member
#82
Nope, I don't think that's appropriate - "jerk" is a US-specific term. And "dance jerk" - to me - could mean someone who jerks you around physically during a dance
Jerk in American English usually means a person who is rude, unpleasant, nasty.

BTW, I danced in rotation at a group lesson with a quite overweight lady last night. It was rumba but she did something with her left arm that pretty much pinned my right arm. I don't know where her frame was but it was quite uncomfortable. She didn't have a lot of experience and I'm sure my lead needs work but dancing with her was like pushing a bloody lorry around. (How's that for English English?)
 
#85
Well, this has been interesting. I was unaware that in British usage, "perv" appears to be a prejorative term for a gay man.
IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only people who might say that are the few people who have a bad dose of homophobia!!!!!!! For instance Robert Mugabe! In Britain maybe 30 years ago if you were in a conservative religious household perhaps but not now!!!!

I am sure if one wants to be picky the Japanese have a perfect word with the exact meaning you want, they are brilliant at that, for example they have a one word name for "man who rubs his genitals up against you while on a crowded underground train" can't remember it though.
 
#87
IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was just a misunderstanding - I'm dumfounded as to how many people had to correct this. Surely once was enough - although it is nice to see that people are sensitive to discrimination against at least one subset of society.

As I recall, 'perv' USED to be a grab bag term that included gays, back when it was normal to discriminate against anyone that did not fit into the narrow definition of hte nuclear family. So you might want to reduce the number of !s a bit...
 

nucat78

Active Member
#88
the Japanese have a perfect word with the exact meaning you want, they are brilliant at that, for example they have a one word name for "man who rubs his genitals up against you while on a crowded underground train" can't remember it though.
Used to be "hentai" meant dirty old man. Now it refers to animated porn though. No idea about the train riders.
 

tsb

Well-Known Member
#93
GREEN: exactly how "traditional" is your crowd? i ask because traditionally, you can't be refused if the other person avoids eye contact. if this is universally understood and observed, then there is no issue - you can avoid eye contact and the other person gracefully accepts the hint given through the established standards of courtesy and moves on.

i define etiquette as courtesies extended to minimze the giving of offense. my own personal convictions about this are quite naturally shaped by my own personal history as well as the dance etiquette of ballroom, swing, salsa, WCS, etc. since i dance all these dances as well and work as a dance host from time to time.

in my experience, problems seem to occur when people within a group have different or even conflicting expectations - such as the ones that have been voiced in terms of when it is "appropriate" to refuse a dance.

my take is that as everyone dances for their own reasons, everyone has the right to set their own standard - the bottom line is the consequences of risking giving of offense and deciding for one's self if those consequences are acceptable.

as mentioned previously, i do work as a dance host, so there are times when i *have* to dance with the folks everyone else would more or less refuse without getting a chance to dance with the more sought after follows. and 2-3 hours of killer claw, drapers, and hangers-on, noodle arms, back-leaders, as well as the aromatically challenged becomes joyless drudgery fairly quickly.

as a consequence, when i'm at a social event, i'm more inclined to concentrate on dancing at my level and above. i do dance with all my friends, regardless of level, and i do my best to be pleasant and courteous in my refusals, and in most cases, they get the hint, but i choose not to be held hostage by anyone who thinks that they have a *right* to dance with me, in which case i resort to heading for the restroom/punch bowl or asking the nearest person to dance if i see them coming my way.

i understand that i risk being black-listed by that person as well as any other (more sought after) follows who empathize with that person, but i can live with that - if anything, the more sought after follows tend to empathize with me.

one can do their best to be courteous and someone will still get offended if they want to be. and we can't change that.
 

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