Is dancing emotional infidelity?

Is dancing emotional infidelity?


  • Total voters
    109

danceronice

Well-Known Member
Hmm, let's give the guy a break. The way he expresses himself is rather ignorant, but if he had never been exposed to dance before, I could see where it would be disturbing. At least he asks for a sanity check, there. And if he were a rational, well-informed, there is still cause for concern, as she may discover something in dancing that he does not provide, as I had talked about earlier.
Yahoo Answers is not where you go for a sanity check. (Or any kind of check, really.)

The way he expresses himself says that he is not a rational person. A mature response to concerns like that is to say "Hey, I saw these videos of salsa--is this what you want to do? I'm uncomfortable with that, can you explain?" Not to have a tantrum and make threats. If he IS worried about her finding another guy while dancing, he's probably justified because she could do better.
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
I think the members of this forum might want to remember that the average American is not as sophisticated, mature, and enlightened as the average DFer. Also, she said yes to him. Do you really imagine she is any better a catch than he is?
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
Sadly, his spelling and grammar were not the worst part of his question. As obnoxious as they were, they pale in comparison to the "she should always keep that in mind and shud not give me an opportunity to strike back as i am hell short tempered" bit. That's ... actually really disturbing.
Yes, exactly.
 

raindance

Well-Known Member
I think the members of this forum might want to remember that the average American is not as sophisticated, mature, and enlightened as the average DFer. Also, she said yes to him. Do you really imagine she is any better a catch than he is?
Being naive enough to accept a date or marriage proposal from a potential abuser does not make his attitude OK. The fact that she said yes just means she will probably need help at some point to get out of this situation. It doesn't make him a "catch" for anyone. Anyone.
 

Wannabee

Well-Known Member
I was certainly not implying he was a catch. But I see no reason to assume she is a catch, either.
I think the point is that the female is most likely to be the one in a physically vulnerable position, regardless of her catchability factor. And I agree with the others that his comments seem to indicate that he is not opposed to resorting to using various forms of his "short temper" to persuade her. He didn't mention that he was doing this only because she wasn't a good catch. That point seems moot.
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
Lest anyone be confused on the matter, I am not trying to defend a potential wife beater. It is not even clear to me, on a careful reading of that post, that that was what he meant. He said "strike back", not just "strike".

He expresses a concern that his fiancee wants to grind against other men. I can't see that that isn't a valid concern to be addressed.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
all of it begs the question of whether or not this is all pertinent to the original question...I guess that depends upon whether or not one thinks wanting to grind up against other men is synonymous to dancing, whether or not one thinks it is emotional (or infidelity), whether or not anyone can really be certain of anyone else's intent....and then there's simply the whole "some people are just creepy" factor
 

dbk

Well-Known Member
Lest anyone be confused on the matter, I am not trying to defend a potential wife beater. It is not even clear to me, on a careful reading of that post, that that was what he meant. He said "strike back", not just "strike".

He expresses a concern that his fiancee wants to grind against other men. I can't see that that isn't a valid concern to be addressed.
The worrisome part about "he should always keep that in mind and shud not give me an opportunity to strike back as i am hell short tempered" is not the word "strike". It is the idea that he has a short temper - he acknowledges that he has a short temper, and puts the burden on her not to activate that short temper. It's a threat, and he sees nothing wrong with that - IMO, it sounds like he's proud of his short temper. That is a very classic abusive mentality - and no, NOT just physical abuse. Non-violent emotional abuse also involves the idea that "I am the way I am, I have a short temper, it's his/her fault for ticking me off".
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
The worrisome part about ...
No, I don't find it worrisome. I think it's just internet bluster, about as worrisome as the death threats I've received when some troll disagreed with me online. And the only part of that post that is on topic is whether it was legitimate for him to be concerned about his fiancee's desire to dance that way with other men.
 

dbk

Well-Known Member
No, I don't find it worrisome. I think it's just internet bluster, about as worrisome as the death threats I've received when some troll disagreed with me online. And the only part of that post that is on topic is whether it was legitimate for him to be concerned about his fiancee's desire to dance that way with other men.
Not worrisome for you, maybe. I find it worrisome. There is a big difference between threatening anger towards an anonymous internet stranger, and threatening anger towards your SO. But I'll agree to disagree.

I find the topic quite appropriate for this thread. A significant part of emotional abuse is isolating the victim from friends, hobbies, and the outside world in general. But on the other extreme, no one should have to with their SO doing things that they are uncomfortable with. The problem is finding the balance - some dancers can, some can't, and the same goes for non-dance SOs.
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
I got into an argument with someone on reddit in this regard: within the context of an intimate partnership, each couple will come up with their own working agreement, but it is very important that the SO's feelings and concerns are addressed. Whenever I here someone say "no one can dictate to me on this topic" I'm thinking, great, that's some partnership you must have there.
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
dancing is emotional and is there to meet a need...an emotional need. This emotional need doesn't equate to an emotional infidelity, not that it can't lead to one. The main thing is that it is a need and it is emotional. So, perhaps there's as much risk as let's say a doctor or a teacher or people that are there to help us satisfy our needs. But, once again, that is the same as walking down the street and falling in love with someone. It has to do with the person not with the dancing.
 

Wannabee

Well-Known Member
I am emotional about dancing, and while dancing. I think for me, that is an important distinction.

These are two different things to me, each with their own unique pros and cons. Undoubtedly both could get ugly if one is not careful. But to me, if I were worried that my emotions were leading me down a path I did not want to go down, I would need to figure out which aspect of my emotional connection was getting out of hand. Is it me loving my hobby so much that I'm not in a healthy place with the other relationships in my life, or am I getting too emotionally involved with my partner/instructor/student, etc. when the situation is not conducive to a mutually beneficial emotional attachment?
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
I am emotional about dancing, and while dancing. I think for me, that is an important distinction.

These are two different things to me, each with their own unique pros and cons. Undoubtedly both could get ugly if one is not careful. But to me, if I were worried that my emotions were leading me down a path I did not want to go down, I would need to figure out which aspect of my emotional connection was getting out of hand. Is it me loving my hobby so much that I'm not in a healthy place with the other relationships in my life, or am I getting too emotionally involved with my partner/instructor/student, etc. when the situation is not conducive to a mutually beneficial emotional attachment?
if I am guilty of one thing it is just for that, being blinded by the passion for my hobby...thanks for finding the right words!
 

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