just a personal rant


Well-Known Member
I would also wager money that you are not the first male about whom they have shared assessments

Good point. And it kind of seems like these three women are the "one (three) in every crowd" who think they should tell other people how to behave. You've already solved that problem by not dancing with them anymore.

This is just food for thought, ECBB. You enjoy dancing, so don't give it up. You also don't have to change who you are as a person because of a couple of *****es. Take some time to sort out your feelings and analyze your own actions as objectively as you can, listen to the advice on this thread and decide how much of it you want to use, and then go on with your life.

It's OK to feel annoyed and frustrated. I, too, have a very thin skin about being judged incorrectly. If you think I'm a ***** and you tell other people so, I'm cool with that because, let's face it, I can be. But if you say something about me that isn't true, look out! But I don't let that ruin the whole experience for me; I just avoid that person. Vent with us, get it all out of your system, and then try to let it go so you can enjoy yourself.

And now in response to the complaints in question:

I dance with a lot of guys who don't smile, and I don't know how much I smile. I know I do when they lead something tricky, whether or not I get it, or when they spin me a lot or when something particularly fun happens. But the thing is, those guys who don't smile will make some kind of acknowledgement during the dance...a nod, a "that was cool", etc. Like siggav said, I want to know that you're having fun dancing with me. It's cool if you let me know that in your own way and not my way, as long as I can tell somehow that you're enjoying yourself. Expressing it at the end is great, but just a little sign here and there during the dance is helpful. Would I complain about you for this, though? No, and I think that lady is out of line for doing so. If someone asked, I'd probably say, "I enjoy dancing with him, but I don't think he enjoys dancing with me so I don't ask him."

As for talking and getting to know people, I am not an outgoing personality. It's a struggle for me to be social. I generally do not seek out other people to talk to. I have a spot where I hang out, and usually people will come to me. When they do, I try to be as engaging and friendly as I can. It seems to be a pretty good balance. I'm lucky, though, in that because I've been dancing for so long, I know some people everywhere I go. They'll either come up to me because they recognize me from ballroom, or someone introduces us, etc. I'm friendly with the leaders because I dance with them, and they'll introduce me to their SOs. I do spend a goodly portion of the night sitting by myself and watching, which I'm happy doing, but it's broken up with enough socializing that I feel I'm pretty well integrated.


Active Member
Smiling is a difficult thing for me to do as a guy. I have so much going on in my mind with thinking about what we're doing and paying attention to the other people around me. Smiling is very low on the to-do list. Something you can help with making your follower feel more at ease would be to smile when you ask her to dance and to smile at the end of the dance. It tells the follower that she is wanted and that you enjoyed her time together.


Well-Known Member
There's a few of these at every dance. Less so in ballroom than in WCS, my experience. I suspect that there's a few who may perceive me the same way, I myself tend to talk little with the other people and keep to myself when I'm not dancing, but there are others who know me better and are glad to dance with me. As for those who express dissatisfaction with your dancing or persona, I never ask them again.

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