Ladies that want to talk

#21
Yes, it was wanting to talk while the dancing was going.

Quick survey results:

4 said talking was OK some of the time, or that they did it
6 were against talking
Steve Pastor said:
... Have you ever heard the saying that if you can't, or won't, give yourself 100% to tango, you shouldn't bother?
I have heard things like that. A surprising number of local Tango people only dance Tango. DW and I do Tango, Blues, and Contra, and will probably take swing lessons eventually.

In a way I envy people that have a single hobby passion, like fishing. On the other hand, I wonder how they keep from getting bored! I like too many things, I can't imagine giving up my car hobby, or skiing, or my volunteer coaching, or dance, or watching cat videos on YouTube. I guess I'm one of those jack-of-all trades kind of people.
rain_dog said:
Oh, bless your heart! Do we really need to spell it out for you?
I'm going to hate myself for this! I feel like Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory. I think you need to spell it out for me. Please do PM if it is R or X rated.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#22
In a way I envy people that have a single hobby passion, like fishing. On the other hand, I wonder how they keep from getting bored! I like too many things, I can't imagine giving up my car hobby, or skiing, or my volunteer coaching, or dance, or watching cat videos on YouTube. I guess I'm one of those jack-of-all trades kind of people..
Barbara Sher would call you a "scanner".
 

Steve Pastor

Moderator
Staff member
#23
The 100% thing refers to giving yourself fully to the music and your partner when you are dancing tango, as I've always understood it. Even when I was most immersed in learning the dance, I was still doing the country western thing.
Of course I think that whatever the dance, if it's a partner dance, you should give your full attention to interaction with your partner (and the music and the floor of course), so it's not just an AT thing; it's just one of those AT saying things.
I will say, though, because of the high expectations of "the embrace" in AT (for some of us), it isn't enough to just be doing steps together. It should feel like you are one body moving.
 
#24
I don't think anyone suggested one shall drop everything else and do just tango. A person can and should have different activities that fulfill various needs in his/her life. Of course, there are people whose work and personal life is mostly within tango. Those are usually professional dancers married to their partners, instructors, organizers, DJ's and such. But even they do have other activities and hobbies.
Besides, watching cats on youtube (or even watching movies) does not require the same kind of active involvement as learning to partner dance and participating in a social dance community. The latter is a more complex and demanding endeavor than many others, it is just hard to take it casually and be on the level at the same time.
 
#25
Zoopsia59 said:
Barbara Sher would call you a "scanner".
Her stuff is interesting and does describe my hobby life, but I disqualify professionally (good education, career, and job focus).
Steve Pastor said:
The 100% thing refers to giving yourself fully to the music and your partner when you are dancing tango, as I've always understood it. ... whatever the dance, if it's a partner dance, you should give your full attention to interaction with your partner ...
Lilly_of_the_valley said:
I don't think anyone suggested one shall drop everything else and do just tango ... a more complex and demanding endeavor than many others, it is just hard to take it casually and be on the level at the same time.
I see I was extending it too far, thanks for the clarifications. This still fits my basic question, though. Many ladies don't want to talk while we dance, so we don't talk. Others do want to talk. Is it giving 100% to do what the lady would like, which might be talking and taking simpler steps, or to ask for silence and give "100%" to the motions of the dance?
Steve Pastor said:
... I will say, though, because of the high expectations of "the embrace" in AT (for some of us), it isn't enough to just be doing steps together. It should feel like you are one body moving.
I know for some people "giving 100%" means close embrace. I'm fortunate the ladies that know me at all have been very nice about giving me some Tango distance (open embrace)*. I could see that as an example of a lady giving me 100%, in a sense.

*Some lady instructors have been just a little bit aggressive in getting me to do some close embrace with them -- I feel another "Not Touchy Feely" post coming on...
 
#26
Great comment Zoopsia59..! haha
I wonder though if that would prompt them to sing..!haha
I have to say I am not that much annoyed as a follower or leader when people say something here or there during the song--though a long chat can be annoying--but what drives me crazy is the singing..!
You know, close embrace, a stranger right next to your ear, they start singing the song to you....aaaahhh!!! A bit creepy, I think..! No?

On another note though, I also find not talking between songs--not during the song but between songs--a bit strange as well, a bit socially awkward... You know a friendly short chat between songs, makes things a bit more social, a bit more comfortable as long as it is not bitching about other dancers...Oh yes I forgot about that one...
I was dancing with someone and during the song he started talking about another leader. I said nothing-- hoping he will stop-- the other guy was two couples behind. Not only he kept chatting but he started imitating the guy too...!!!! Yeah.....mmm

So I guess to answer the initial question of this thread...for me normal, friendly chat between songs is needed, a word here and there during the song is ok, singing and bitching about others is to be avoided at all times!!!hahaha
 
#27
In the milonga you are not only dancing with your partner, you are, in a way, dancing with the whole floor. Therefore you are not supposed to do stuff that interferes with other couples' dancing, such as talk, perform large/sudden movements that disrupts the flow, dash across the floor cutting others in the way, etc. Giving it to tango means respecting certain values, even when you decided to be only a casual practitioner, and do not fully share them personally.
 
#29
Agreed, and I did say I realize ideally talking on the floor occurs between songs. Read to the end for a more nuanced question.

Some more data points: My milongas are often small. Sometimes DW and I are the only ones on the floor. Two to four couples on the floor is fairly common. Ten on the floor at once is a busy night for us. With literally meters between couples, big moves and a bit of quiet talking are not the problems they would be at a crowded event.

I spoke with the milonga organizer. The organizer told the complainant "Tango Distance [not my real name] doesn't usually talk, but if I see him talk I'll say something to him right away." The organizer said he never saw me talk, so he didn't say anything to me right away but did say something at the end of the night. There are four or so very experience ladies that are quite the talkers, and around four newbies that are. The rest (20+) are quiet. At workshops and my out of state experience the ladies were quiet (now we're up to around maybe 60 quiet ladies I have interacted with).

So here is the more nuanced question: I am typically the least experienced leader at a milonga here. I could do the advice posted with newbies. I dance with an instructor who I consider to be the best Tango dancer I know, with decades of experience, and she talks the whole time. It would feel odd to me to correct her in any way. Likewise, another instructor talks when we dance. One of the best follows I know is quite the chatterbox on the floor. Again and again I would feel funny correcting them. So should I correct the newbs but not my elders? Given the small size of my local scene maybe just don't worry about it?
Lilly_of_the_valley said:
In the milonga you are not only dancing with your partner, you are, in a way, dancing with the whole floor. Therefore you are not supposed to do stuff that interferes with other couples' dancing, such as talk, perform large/sudden movements that disrupts the flow, dash across the floor cutting others in the way, etc. ...
 

tangobro

Active Member
#32
Pet peeve= ladies that talk during the tanda!

If talking is bad, how does one politely encourage a temporary vow of silence?
I also use Xenophon's 1st 3 methods, adding a quote I overheard from Jorge Torres, an Argentine tango maestro who sometimes attends our local milongas, "I can enjoy our conversation or I can enjoy our dance, but I can't enjoy both at the same time".

Is this chatting while you're actually dancing? Not just in the breaks between songs? I have four strategies which I pick from depending on how well I know the follower, whether she is a beginner or not, the venue, my mood, etc
  1. "Sorry, I can't talk and dance at the same time."
  2. Keep dancing, focus on the music, say nothing at all.
  3. Stop dancing, open the embrace, listen attentively. If she keeps talking, clear the floor.
 

dchester

Moderator
Staff member
#33
So here is the more nuanced question: I am typically the least experienced leader at a milonga here. I could do the advice posted with newbies. I dance with an instructor who I consider to be the best Tango dancer I know, with decades of experience, and she talks the whole time. It would feel odd to me to correct her in any way. Likewise, another instructor talks when we dance. One of the best follows I know is quite the chatterbox on the floor. Again and again I would feel funny correcting them. So should I correct the newbs but not my elders? Given the small size of my local scene maybe just don't worry about it?
I don't think you should feel the need to correct anyone (unless it's bothering you). If the organizer has a problem with someone, let them do it.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#34
I have to admit that there's a certain irony for me in this thread... Music is usually so loud at events around me that one can barely carry on a conversation OFF the dance floor. The odds of dancers being able to hear the chatter of other couples who can speak right into one another's ears is pretty low. In fact, about the only time you CAN hear anyone speaking is while you are dancing close embrace with them!
 
#36
I think it is great that you trying to find away past this, but also you have to consider that sometimes there is nothing you can do or should do...!
What I mean is...if you are dancing and talking at the same time, which means you are stopping in the middle of the dancefloor to chat--something quite disturbing--then I don't see where the problem is..?Really..! If you are not stopping other people from dancing and if your partners are not disturbed then I don't see how a small chat can be annoying..! having said that, there is always the possibility that someone is just a bit weird and doesn't want to see you chatting...or they went by you and heard you chatting. You weren't actually in their way but they were annoyed by just seeing you chatting...In this case there is nothing you can do...You fix the chatting then there is something else..! So I wouldn't worry too much about that, unless I knew that I did something slightly wrong myself to annoy somebody.
Now regarding your partners, unless you are actually annoyed I would suggest you don't say anything...they might take it the wrong way and as you said your community is small and that might have a domino effect...and what for?!?! Right..?
If you are annoyed though, I would find a more gentle way of communicating my annoyance...The Argentinians all usually meet through Tango, have two great features: 1) There are teachers not beginner- intermediate and 2) The have their way...hahaha...they say something we women laugh then hour later we are thinking: "Wait a second that was a bit rude..!" hahaha
So if you don't have these two qualities try to find a more subtle way to make your partner stop chatting..!
;)
 
#37
Thanks all for the inputs. I think I'll give a gentle verbal nudge to the newbies, but not say anything to the advanced dancers. I'm personally not annoyed by talking, but I do want to be a good Tango citizen.

This thread helped me realize I was subconsciously doing something to discourage talking. During the beginning of a song, I'll raise my left hand during a break in the conversation, silently signaling the transition from talking to dancing.
 
#38
if its a necessary talk like "be careful", or a couple word "you look so beatiful", it can be acceptable i think. other wise too long conversatins are boring for me. so, what am i doing, small smile if not in embrace, dont answer too long, and go on dancing, just it.
 

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