Life is Hard Thread

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
#63
You can only try to be genuine and expect others to do the same especially when asked direct questions. Granted, I hid the fact that I was homeless from all but two people during that time and now a total of four know. But did anyone come out and ask me if I was homeless? Nobody would have guessed it.
 

TinyDancer109

Well-Known Member
#66
That's great news to hear about your dad, FD! :D

My dad is doing ok too... got most of the vacuum tubes taken off of his wounds and was even given the green light to go to a family party this past weekend (my aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary vow renewal and party - it was a very nice event).

My kitty is still vomitting about every other day, but her spirits are doing well and she is acting pretty normal. I'll be taking her to the vet tomorrow night to see if the chemo has helped.
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#68
My dad passed away in October and I have relocated back here to be of assistance to my mom. I visit with her almost every day and while she seems to be doing OK, I have one concern; that being the ever present glass of wine she has just about every time I visit. She has always enjoyed her wine so I never thought anything of it previously, but with what she is going through and having to spend these holidays without him; they were married for 57 years, I'm worried that it could escalate.

Me, I'm doing OK, just the way my dad would have wanted it.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#69
Hugs SF. To you and your Mom.

Do you have anything special planned for the two of you over the holidays? This might be a good time to start some new traditions, just for you. Of course, it'll be hard to figure out how she feels about that. Maybe she'll want to maintain the old traditions, instead. *sigh*

I can relate to how you might feel. Even though both of my parents are still living, they have been married 62 years and I can't imagine either one of them without the other. I don't think they can, either. *sigh*
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#70
Hugs SF. To you and your Mom.

Do you have anything special planned for the two of you over the holidays? This might be a good time to start some new traditions, just for you. Of course, it'll be hard to figure out how she feels about that. Maybe she'll want to maintain the old traditions, instead. *sigh*

I can relate to how you might feel. Even though both of my parents are still living, they have been married 62 years and I can't imagine either one of them without the other. I don't think they can, either. *sigh*
We will spend Christmas together. She is going to cook dinner.

And maybe my concerns are unwarranted; she shows no visible signs of having had too much in either her speech or gait and her mood is stable, but given what she is going through it does worry me.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#71
My dad passed away in October and I have relocated back here to be of assistance to my mom. I visit with her almost every day and while she seems to be doing OK, I have one concern; that being the ever present glass of wine she has just about every time I visit. She has always enjoyed her wine so I never thought anything of it previously, but with what she is going through and having to spend these holidays without him; they were married for 57 years, I'm worried that it could escalate.

Me, I'm doing OK, just the way my dad would have wanted it.
a very real and very concern...but not just yet...give her a few more months...it is still very early...if you notice a continued up-tick continuing until then, then it is appropriate to mention it...I do think however, that if she doesn't know that it is a depressant, it is wise for her to be made aware...but alot of folks in the beginning months have trouble sleeping and sleep is important...still, your concern is valid...it is not a good replacement for other coping mechanisms and it may be important to ask her what ELSE she does to lessen her pain or distract herself...that would be important to know
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#72
spitfire said:
And maybe my concerns are unwarranted; she show no visible signs of having had too much in either her speech or gait and her mood is stable, but given what she is going through it does worry me.


Yeah. I can understand that. *hug*
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#73
a very real and very concern...but not just yet...give her a few more months...it is still very early...if you notice a continued up-tick continuing until then, then it is appropriate to mention it...I do think however, that if she doesn't know that it is a depressant, it is wise for her to be made aware...but alot of folks in the beginning months have trouble sleeping and sleep is important...still, your concern is valid...it is not a good replacement for other coping mechanisms and it may be important to ask her what ELSE she does to lessen her pain or distract herself...that would be important to know
Ok, I have asked her if she is sleeping Ok and she tells me that she is. She does get together with some friends for a meal every week. And as I say I visit her almost every day. She sticks to her routine of grocery shopping and other errands and on the surface she does not appear to be depressed. She says she actually likes being alone. I have done some tasks for her like painting and cleaning up in the back yard and when I visit I check to see if there are things that need to be done. When she is at home she likes to read and watch television. I want to think that these are the good signs.
 

TinyDancer109

Well-Known Member
#74
I hope the holidays go as smoothly and peacefully as possible for you and your family, spitfire. I'll be sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

and thanks, pyg!
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#75
We will spend Christmas together. She is going to cook dinner.

And maybe my concerns are unwarranted; she shows no visible signs of having had too much in either her speech or gait and her mood is stable, but given what she is going through it does worry me.
my father and I both became overly reliant on booze after my mom died...it made things worse...I truly appreciate your concern...I do not think my dad is totally free of it yet either...it is so sad, the unintended secondary ripple of loss...it is so hard to watch and judge another person's wellnessbut alot of it is about HOW you voice the concern and when...my very best wishes
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#76
...it is so hard to watch and judge another person's wellnessbut alot of it is about HOW you voice the concern and when...my very best wishes
This is why I want to keep a close watch. Also a concern is health; now, she is in very good health at her age. She is 78. However, my dad was as well until he had his stroke which killed him. What is a concern here is if something should happen to her and she is unable to call for help; this I have discussed with her and want to suggest to her that maybe she get of those devices for just such an emergency.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#77
one of the hardest parts of mom being gone was driving away from dad knowing he would be walking back into that lonely house..perhaps with her is you share that it would be helpful for your own piece of mind to know those various precautions were in place...
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#78
what is sad to me is that he probably never deserved her...and knows it...and will probably not have the courage to do her that one small favor...some people are irresponsible cowards...and being terminal rarely changes that...people generally die in a manner consistent with how they lived...some people overcome obstacles....other people run away....I hope that the good and kind people in her life will continue to reassure her of how very much she deserves his apology and courage in spite of his inability to give it....her only fault was in loving someone who had no desire to grow....so very tragic that he will probably leave this life missing that opportunity, and her longstanding hopes in his growth will be dashed...I most sincerely hope that I am wrong...sometimes people rise to the better angels of their nature and I will pray for that
I hope you're wrong, too, but I doubt it. He was a schmuck who left her with a high school education, no work experience outside the home, and three kids within months after their fourth child passed away.

The burden he gave her is completely mind-boggling, but she overcame and is doing just fine,

I doubt that he'll have the courage, even now, to look her in the eye and take responsibility. A pity -- for him. She's been at peace for quite some time, but, apparently, he hasn't yet made peace with himself. *shrug*
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#79
want to suggest to her that maybe she get of those devices for just such an emergency.
After a bad incident with one of my grandmothers, now she and my grandfather (and my other grandmother) have Medic Alert bracelets or whatever they're called. They have been used, for very valid reasons, and probably saved one of my grandmother's lives. I cannot reccommend them highly enough, especially since none of the three should be driving...at all...ever. It was well worth the money that my parents/aunts/uncles spent to buy the systems...and my grandparents appreciate the security.

Seriously. Cannot reccommend them enough.
 
#80
Well, not sure if life got harder or something... treatment my dad is on has been discontinued as of this week by the American maker... says there are too many complications/deaths caused with it being so toxic.... so back to square one now... going to have a scan to see how this treatment has gone then onto something else!
 

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