Life is Hard Thread

FancyFeet

Well-Known Member
I read this and it sounded so familiar, i simply could not respond at the time. For many years, I simply stayed away if I felt that a situation would lead to misunderstandings/screaming matches, and slowly built strength to be who I needed to be. I have learned that I need a LOT of time alone, and that dance and being an artist are amazing tools to positively resolve negative energy. I have learned, when I am around a volatile situation, that I am able to help the small people in my family when they come up against the same issues, by holding out my hand, taking them aside, and simply holding them close, so they know they are loved, and give them a moment to understand that I am acknowledging them as they are, in the moment, right now. And once they have regained their equilibrium, I might spend some time sharing something that they value, like reading them a story, or drawing with them, or watching the animals. It is difficult (in my case) seeing my own mother in tears, because her OWN mother was in a destructive mood........ instead of being hardened, I have become more sensitive, but learned how to help a bit because of that sensitivity. I find I use the same sensitivity in work situations, and I managed to help a co-worker who was on the verge of walking off the job. So as Fasc said, here is a hug, as well as sympathy and understanding should you need some more to get you through.
Can I be one of the small people in your family? I could really use a hug and for someone to read me a story or colour with me right now... especially if I get wine instead of a glass of milk.
 

SwingingAlong

Well-Known Member
yes of course. We could sit at the table in my art studio, get out a pile of swarovski crystals and draw/colour/design a new necklace together. After, that is, having done our respective solo practices (the hall is big enough that I don't THINK we would crash, even both going backwards:rolleyes:. It was early November since I last did any Standard WITH someone. Even virtual company is nice! Oh, and we are just in the process if converting a never used second shower area into a wine cellar, so there is some of that here too. If you ever visit New Zealand, make sure to take yourself on a wine trail:)
 

SwingingAlong

Well-Known Member
"Yes, dear Grandma." said little Red Hooding Ride, as she passed the wolf another glass of greenish coloured wine. Her new friend raised an eyebrow, smirked and continued colouring in a necklace design.
 

FancyFeet

Well-Known Member
Today I learned that it's apparently nicer to take a token thank you gift that you are allergic to and throw it in the trash later than to politely decline and explain that you are allergic and would prefer it go to someone that can enjoy it. Because apparently, honesty in this case was bad... and apparently everyone but me is aware of this social convention. I feel like I need a manual on how the rest of the world operates.
 

SwingingAlong

Well-Known Member
Today I learned that it's apparently nicer to take a token thank you gift that you are allergic to and throw it in the trash later than to politely decline and explain that you are allergic and would prefer it go to someone that can enjoy it. Because apparently, honesty in this case was bad... and apparently everyone but me is aware of this social convention. I feel like I need a manual on how the rest of the world operates.
I have this issue too, I am not allergic, but intolerant of some foods. I have learned to accept the gift, keep it, and then give it away to someone later on as an act of random kindness..... the recipients have been quite delighted, especially as the gifts are usually milk chocolate:rolleyes:. However, I have also chosen on occasion to refuse, and explain. Experience shows me that the first option allows me to be kind twice, which I like better so I mostly do that one:)
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
Today I learned that it's apparently nicer to take a token thank you gift that you are allergic to and throw it in the trash later than to politely decline and explain that you are allergic and would prefer it go to someone that can enjoy it. Because apparently, honesty in this case was bad... and apparently everyone but me is aware of this social convention. I feel like I need a manual on how the rest of the world operates.
if there is a chance that someone might keep buying it, I would tell...otherwise, not so much
 

FancyFeet

Well-Known Member
Now that they explained it to me, I can see where they were coming from... but I honestly didn't know/didn't consider it. I was just being practical, but it got labelled as "not nice". And when I heard that I got upset that my actions and reasons behind them were so badly misunderstood, because I am nice!

Yes, I caused some studio drama, because I have difficulty understanding some social norms... especially when they are motivated by feelings, because I'm just not wired that way. People sometimes exhaust me.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
if it was someone I didn't know who would not likely be repeating the gesture, I would likely just thank them and then give it to someone who I know would appreciate it...if it was someone I knew who I thought might be doing gestures like that for me 1-3 times a year, then I would likely say some thing like "oh, that is so sweet of you, I hope you won't mind if I share them with my (fill in the relationship here) because I am allergic and these look so wonderful that I wouldn't want them to go to waste....you are so sweet to think of me this way'....hug.


I do think that a generic "sorry, I'm allergic" could leave room for some faulty assumptions
 

stash

Well-Known Member
if it was someone I didn't know who would not likely be repeating the gesture, I would likely just thank them and then give it to someone who I know would appreciate it...if it was someone I knew who I thought might be doing gestures like that for me 1-3 times a year, then I would likely say some thing like "oh, that is so sweet of you, I hope you won't mind if I share them with my (fill in the relationship here) because I am allergic and these look so wonderful that I wouldn't want them to go to waste....you are so sweet to think of me this way'....hug.


I do think that a generic "sorry, I'm allergic" could leave room for some faulty assumptions
This is usually how I deal with my allergy. It's never fun though dealing with that stuff. Because I have a life threatening allergy, usually I preface it with that and people usually back off with the pushing of food, though work lunches still tend to be rocky in terms of people wanting (out of the goodness of their hearts) to feed me. And I have to tell them I just can't trust my life on the fact that it should be allergen free because I don't know where it came from and touch. Lol
 

SwingingAlong

Well-Known Member
Yes, I caused some studio drama, because I have difficulty understanding some social norms... especially when they are motivated by feelings, because I'm just not wired that way. People sometimes exhaust me.
I am wired toward feelings, and I still find people exhausting. I wonder sometimes if the dramas happen because other people don't understand themselves/take responsibility for their own feelings, so blame others in response.... never to mind. Here's some :):):) toward your next people navigation journey.
 

SwingingAlong

Well-Known Member
.... People sometimes think I'm being generous, accommodating, or nice ...
I really like how you put that. Yep, I can do that. If people try to interrupt my alone time though, its a whole 'nother story [looks thru emoticons. Finds nothing descriptive enough, acknowledges new avatar probably says it all]. Its just lucky I have a life where I get enough alone time:)
 
Sad weekend. Had to go to a funeral, 17 year old young man died of alcohol poisoning. It is such a treacherous road, growing to adulthood. His lovely family... twin brother .... so much grief.
 

3wishes

Well-Known Member
I will write now, because I was so overwhelmed earlier. String of events.
bio-dad, calls 3x in 5 minutes last Wednesday morning.
"Come quick, something is really wrong, get here as fast as you can"
This is not something any of us ever wants to hear.
"Dad, what's wrong" as DH and I stop everything we are doing and hold still.
Side note: he is as healthy as a racehorse always and never sick a day in his life (83 years young).
He hangs up, not answering, I call younger sister in downtown and tell her we are headed out, we literally run through the house closing it up and throwing our bags together.
90 minutes at best, with no traffic and in car pool lane to get out to Palm Desert. As we roll into his development and round the bend, the full paramedic strike team is in front of his house. Yes, I leap out of the car and ran to get information from one of the fire guys as the ambulance was already rolling with someone in it. Let sister know, "dad is being taken by paramedics to hospital" here's the clincher, his wife ( who we adore) had a major spine surgery and was only out of hospital a few days, she is up, nerves on end, not suppose to be out of bed, thank God for DH, he's a rock for her, throws me the car keys, and I high tail it behind the fire dept. unit.
Fast forward, taking care of folks, her recovery, his recovery, slow but sure, three of us tag teaming but sister has to return to work.
Find out dad just about overdosed his wife on pain meds, ok, we take over all of THAT. And his recovery as well. It will be long, it will be slow, but at least they have us here, as we cook, shop, clean, reassure, drive, all those things that they have always done without help. We have sit down chat about future help in their house ( which is truly a massive space) and such. Thank goodness they are open to it.
Son calls, rushing his future wife to hospital, clot probably in leg, etc etc,
And she is an active healthy lifestyle person as well, but had a blood clot previously.
We say, ok, that's three, no more, please please please. Dad, step-mom, future DIL. This is why I missed lessons and have been AWOL.
Pro knows my folks, called with concern, I couldn't even talk, which is not like me.
When your parent says a sentence or two, that you know they have never uttered in your lifetime, you know something drastic is very wrong.
I realize this is a long post, but I have to let this out somewhere and I appreciate the DF pals, always.
 

Dance Ads