Life is Hard Thread

FancyFeet

Well-Known Member
Other random thought - I freeze my dance shoes when they get particularly funky. Discovered the trick by accident when I left my bag in my car overnight in February - but after research, it's apparently a bacteria-killing technique. Maybe large ziplocs + freezer time will help with those items that can't be washed?
 

Loki

Well-Known Member
Do your shoes start stinking once they've thawed?

I don't think the freeze trick was ever mentioned in the my-shoes-smell-like-the-south-end-of-a-mule-walking-north thread.
 

3wishes

Well-Known Member
ok, this is not a plug, but really and seriously tried and true because we were at our wits end...much like your scenario.
In a column of the our newspaper is "The Everyday Cheapskate" she has pretty consistently given high marks to a product called Nok-Out. Which can be ordered on the web.
We used this in our daughters home in Texas since she apparently had gone nose-blind - it got out stains, smells, the animal cages neutralized, matresses were sleepable again, laundry was beautiful and not obnoxious anymore...read about this product, I ordered it for her and all of us used it going top to bottom in her home including the carpets. It was amazing and btw, first time I ever trusted a column recommendation but we were really at a dead end with the ugly well,,,smell of things.
Good luck.
 

RiseNFall

Well-Known Member
I almost forgot to wash the pillows. :eek: Thank you all so much for all of your suggestions. Nok-Out has been ordered. EVERYTHING fabric has been pulled from his room and we're washing it all. Thus far, using Borax in the wash, vinegar in the rinse, warm water, stain cycle, running it all through twice, drying as high as my dryer goes (which in not as hot as a commercial dryer), smaller loads than I usually do. Most items are coming out well with this treatment. Just located Oxiclean Odor Blaster and I'm trying that now. The mattress has been vacuumed, treated with a ton of baking soda on one side, vacuumed again, and the second side is being treated. Plus a baking soda paste on the side the mattress. If this doesn't work, I'll try the Nok-Out when it gets here. SOMETHING is still smelling, but it's definitely getting better. He freely admits that he cannot smell any of it--apparently if you are exposed to a particular odor enough, your brain stops registering it. I friend of mine has bravely agreed to be a sniff tester this weekend. :)

I've also ordered a bunch of activated charcoal packets for the drawers, closets, etc. I'll go for something that smells good after I'm sure we've rid of all of the bad odors.

The next "Life is Hard" item for this kid is that he has spent every Christmas with his aunt and uncle since his parents both died. They told him they don't have room for him this year. o_O This is a nice kid. Yes, he's got some issues, but he's basically a good guy. To make it even worse, my son won't be here (that was planned before we found out that his friend would be). There were three boys who were friends in high school and my son contacted the third to see what his family was doing for Christmas, but unfortunately they are not going to be home.

One good note, at least for me, is that I got both boys "Learn to Sew" kits for Christmas. :rofl: I know my son cannot sew on a button (yes, I did show him how, but I didn't reinforce it) and it's a safe bet his friend cannot either.
 

3wishes

Well-Known Member
well, good,luck.
Nok-out has no Oder at all. And seriously so many uses that it would be difficult to list them all, but one we did use while there even this last time, was to add Nok-out to DD humidifier and run it. Her partner has developed serious allergies (Texas wind brings tons of dust and other things through their house, plus the three kids and three dogs, a hedgehog and a gecko live there). It knocks down the dust mites and other things. I Wish I had a list and instructions for how to use and do with this product but it would be too extensive. Instead I just keep cutting those out of the Everyday Cheapskate newspaper column and saving them. Again good luck, seems like things are turning around for you on this.
 

Purr

Well-Known Member
The next "Life is Hard" item for this kid is that he has spent every Christmas with his aunt and uncle since his parents both died. They told him they don't have room for him this year. o_O This is a nice kid. Yes, he's got some issues, but he's basically a good guy. To make it even worse, my son won't be here (that was planned before we found out that his friend would be).
You will be at home, right? That will be enough.

I remember a Christmas I had nowhere to go. It was the year the movie Titanic came out. An acquaintance, not even a close friend, from the office invited me to come to her mother's house for Christmas Eve. Her mother had a houseful of family and friends for a party, so it wasn't a hardship to them to add one more. Even though I didn't know anyone but the acquaintance, I still felt welcome. There were plenty of people to talk to, and lots of food to eat. And her mother had cats around the house, so that was fun. I really appreciated having somewhere to go for Christmas Eve.
 
Just before Easter, I got diagnosed with breast cancer, and I am doing fine. But now, my sister (who has 4 kids) is in hospital with suspected pancreatic cancer..... sometimes life doesn't make sense:mad:
 

RiseNFall

Well-Known Member
Operation Eliminate Odors has been extraordinarily successful. Thank you all so much for all of your suggestions. Christmas went better than I expected. The small pre-Christmas celebration before my son left was fun, and one of my brothers came for Christmas day, and that was also better than I had expected. S (son's friend) agreed. He and I had fun making buttermilk biscuits Christmas morning. Granted, it's not difficult, I had just never made them before!

By New Year's Eve, however, S was talking about suicide online. One of the people who saw it contacted my son (who was still away), he contacted me, they sent me screen shots, I followed the directions of his case worker and called 911. The police officers who came were beyond phenomenal.

I have spoken with his case worker and other people in the department and for a variety of reasons it is time to find S another placement. I hope it will happen before I reach my limit. And now I am going to vent some about some minor-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things behaviors, but venting helps. Why, oh why, would you put clean, wet items on top of dirty laundry on the floor of the laundry area instead of in the dryer???? I take recycling fairly seriously: I'm a goody two-shoes, the recycling program in this town is extensive and easy to follow, the town doesn't provide trash/recycle service and I choose to deal with it myself rather than pay-- and it's easier for the amount of smelly actual trash vs. recycles to be kept to the minimum. I recently went over with him some items that are recyclable here and explained that I actually do care. A paper bag of almost all recycle items were stuffed into the kitchen trash this morning. o_O I fixed it, but it seems like a purposeful teenage-like rebellion.

His life is undoubtably more difficult than mine. All the same, it is my house and please stop doing this sh**. Some people who have tried to help him since his parents died have ended up cutting ties with him completely and I understand why. I fervently hope that that does not happen here and is why I am hoping that they make another arrangement before I hit that point. I am leaving out almost all explanations/complications/details/etc. because it is a very, very long story. As his case worker has said, his behavioral issues are rooted in some very understandable psychological issues, which makes us all sympathetic, but doesn't help a lot at at the end of the day. What is does do is make some people work very hard for him to not be cut off from state help. To give you an idea of the other side of this kid, he volunteers/works at a local kid/animal not-for-profit. Somebody high profile was coming to tour the facility and he was one of the workers the director purposely had work on that day--she moved his days around so that he would be there.

Getting to vent here will help me get through another couple of weeks, so thank you.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
hmm ...well ...you have my empathy...I think there are some things to consider....just for your own temporary coping until his next placement...if he has been showing signs of suicidal ideation, he is depressed.... and that means that he is also likely not really paying much attention or heed to things which for him seem very peripheral and unimportant even if they are important to you... I would resist the urge to take that personally as he would likely do it anywhere...and I would instead consider simply accepting that, for this next while, you know who he is and what he is and isn't going to do....if he isn't going to sort things, perhaps give him his own bin to dump all of his crap so that you can sort...because he isn't going to...it maybe isn't fair, but it will save you aggravation to accept that he is who he is and that short of things that endanger your family, drawing any other lines in the sand probably won't work....you might save yourself some frustration by not expecting him to be motivated to change these things....I understand that it is maddening and you have my utmost empathy....it is horrible to be trying to help someone who is resistant to what you are offering
 

Purr

Well-Known Member
RnF, you did a good thing. You gave a troubled young man a temporary home. But it sounds like he has a number of problems that require professional help, and he needs to move out, soon. I'm dubious that any amount of feedback about issues that bother you, like the recycling, are going to spur a behavioral change on his part. Good luck until he moves out.
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
I'm sad to report that Donald Dougal, co-owner of Dance Rocket City in Huntsville, Alabama, passed away unexpectedly last night. He had been dealing with some health issues the past two years, but seemed to be improving since November.

I feel like I should be doing something to help, but I have no idea what. Does that make any sense?
 

FancyFeet

Well-Known Member
I've been watching my mom's cat for 7ish weeks... she picked her up on Saturday, and had to put her down last night. Feeling like the worst cat-sitter in the universe... I noticed she was a little off last week, but I just thought she was stressed and missing her mom. Turns out she had developed jaundice (cause unknown). Kicking myself for not taking her to the vet, though chances are the result would have been the same :(
 

IndyLady

Well-Known Member
My FIL passed away yesterday at 77 after a months-long bout with brain cancer. It was unexpected (to me) that it would happen this week, as he had been very slowly deteriorating in a sort of indefinite state with no clear end in sight. The last time I saw him was at Thanksgiving when it was starting - we had about 12 conversations that day to re-establish what day was today, tomorrow, etc - very similar to what one would expect from an Alzheimer's patient, and disconcerting to witness in someone as sharp and intelligent as he was. Since then he basically became a shell of his former self and gradually lost the ability to perform most, if not all, of the ADL's, and was being cared for at home by MIL, BIL, and DH's cousin. DH was travelling up to their house (couple hours drive) most weekends to help out. The whole thing was low-grade stressful for everyone involved, so although there is much sadness, I hate to say there is also a sense of relief for the caregivers. DH is leaving after work today to head to their house for a couple days. Not sure when the funeral will be, since this weekend is Easter which is a busy time for the church.
 

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