Pet Peeves at Dances

nucat78

Active Member
OK, here's one that has recently driven me nuts to the point I stopped going to one particular dance for a while, maybe for good, playing the SAME EXACT SONGS with little to ZERO variation week after week. [...]

[/B]It's a shame really, because the studio has a great staff, excellent location, nice floor with lots of room. but if they keep going like this, I wonder.
Eeyup. There' s a studio here that uses the same playlist for months on end. It gets to the point that you know exactly what song is coming up next, no matter when you walk in the door.

OTOH, I think the predictability helps some newbs - no surprises, so they aren't frantically trying to figure out what to dance. Well, that and the fact that they usually tell eveyone what type of song it is. ;)
 

Phil Owl

Well-Known Member
Eeyup. There' s a studio here that uses the same playlist for months on end. It gets to the point that you know exactly what song is coming up next, no matter when you walk in the door.

OTOH, I think the predictability helps some newbs - no surprises, so they aren't frantically trying to figure out what to dance. Well, that and the fact that they usually tell everyone what type of song it is. ;)

They do announce what kind of dance it is before each song which is perfectly fine, I actually like that. ;) I guess for us intermediate to advanced folks some variety is a good thing too.
 
WOW, this thread is STILL going 8 years later! :mrgreen:

OK, here's one that has recently driven me nuts to the point I stopped going to one particular dance for a while, maybe for good, playing the SAME EXACT SONGS with little to ZERO variation week after week. I think that in part, it's the reason that attendance at this particular social dance has dropped off so badly ((the last couple times I hardly got to dance much), the last few times I went, it was like a ghost town, just needed tumbleweeds and whistling winds to complete the picture. ARRRRRGH! :headwall:

It's a shame really, because the studio has a great staff, excellent location, nice floor with lots of room. but if they keep going like this, I wonder.

I don't know if any of you have seen "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" where Gordon dispenses some tough love and helps a failing restaurant turn itself round. I think there needs to be a show like that for dance studios, Len Goodman's Dance Studio Nightmares anyone?
The trend is getting worse because the music tends to be the same songs in the same techno disco style -- or maybe it's because that music all sounds the same. Whatever the case too much of it is being played. It's even creeping into country ballrooms.

This de-evolutionary trend seems to be especially bad wherever West Coast Swing is being played.
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.
 
LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.
Yeah, that sounds familiar ;)
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.
and that reminds me of a die hard traditional dj who ignored the liveley set played by a live band and went back to his playlist with no consideration of the energy generated by the band and pretty much killed the milonga for the rest of the evening...
 
Yes, I'm also baffled by the number of people I talk to at dances, where the conversation goes like this:

Other dancer (to me): You dance well. I wish I could do some of those moves. How do you do that?
Myself: Thanks, I've had great teachers and I have learned a lot from them.
Other dancer: (puzzled, faraway look) You take classes?
Myself: Of course....how else would I learn to dance well?
Other dancer: Oh, I've just picked things up here and there. I don't take classes or anything, it's just for fun.

...

The part I don't get, is when someone clearly does see and appreciate the difference that training can make, and (so far as I know) could probably afford one group class a week, yet they choose not to do it.
A friend and I were talking about a very similar phenomenon recently. I'm talking about folks who only engage in the club-style booty-shaking, and who take pride in the fact that they don't bother with learning latin dances, or ballroom dances, or swing. They say, "It's all about fun for us. We're the kind of people who know how to have fun!"

Now, I'm not saying that it's impossible or improper to have fun just by shaking it around like a Polaroid. A lot of people do genuinely enjoy that sort of thing. (I hasten to emphasize this, simply because this is an occasionally touchy subject and some people tend to be overly quick with their criticisms on the 'net.) However, there's a certain amount of reverse snobbery at play when people treat club-style shaking and grooving as though it's the fun way to dance, while thinking that more skilled dancers are somehow less capable of enjoying themselves.
 

nucat78

Active Member
[...]I'm talking about folks who only engage in the club-style booty-shaking, and who take pride in the fact that they don't bother with learning latin dances, or ballroom dances, or swing. They say, "It's all about fun for us. We're the kind of people who know how to have fun!"

[...]However, there's a certain amount of reverse snobbery at play when people treat club-style shaking and grooving as though it's the fun way to dance, while thinking that more skilled dancers are somehow less capable of enjoying themselves.
Perhaps some freestylers interpret the sometimes (often?) seen intensity of ballroom and / or Latin dancers as a lack of fun.
 
Perhaps. Personally though, I think it has more to do with a phenomenon that several other posters have pointed out before -- namely, that if it requires effort to learn or time to develop, then many people will interpret that as "not fun."
 
I have a question about this little what I see as a grey area of the social dance etiquette. I was dancing with a guy and we had an okay dance and then it ended. He asked me for the next dance as well but I was a little out of breath so I indicated to him that I wanted to get water. I did so and then maybe a half minute or a minute later another guy asked me to dance and by this time I had recovered from the other dance. I had been kind of eyeing this guy all night and wanted to get a chance to dance with him, was it rude of me to accept his invitation even though I hadn't really turned down the dance with the other guy, I had just needed a short break?
I agree that this is a grey area. I wouldn`t mind if I knew that the whole incident was totally innocuous :) I`ve been on the receiving end several times before, but under slightly different circumstances. On those occasions, it was the first dance that I was asking for, but the girl that I had asked said she`d just gotten off the floor and wanted a drink, and that she`ll dance with me after that. She doesn`t come back and I see her dancing with someone else later (can`t remember whether it was the same song). Sometimes with the noise of the music, you can`t clearly hear the other person speaking. So I wasn`t sure if she wanted to come back and dance that same song, or whether she wanted to dance some other song later in the night. Also, I wondered whether she had tried to find me, but couldn`t; in which case I would feel bad about it, eventhough I didn`t go anywhere!

If she had wanted to dance the same song, it could sometimes take a while, waiting for her to come back; especially if she had to get the drink from the bar or if she was side-tracked. On the other hand, if it was not clear whether she intended to dance to that particular song, then I had to wait for her, possibly wasting part of or all of the song. The worse possible scenario would be that I misunderstand and thinks she wants to dance a different song, and go ahead and ask another girl to dance; and it turns out she was looking for me after that and found me dancing with someone else! Has this ever happened to anyone here and how did you take it? I would try to assume that it`s just a misunderstanding; but sometimes, not everyone would.

So now, whenever this happens, I try to make it clear what her intention was. I might say something like "All right, I`ll wait here for you", to let her know that I will be waiting for her; or "Sure, we`ll have a dance later in the night", so that we would both be free to dance with anyone else at that time :)
 
I'm reminded of this post from the Declining Dance Invitations thread. :)
I have only ever declined once and that got me in such a mess.
i was dancing the 5th song in a row with someone (let's call him Alex) and he asks me again. I enjoy dancing with him but 6 songs in a row is a bit excessive so asked to sit this one out - but promised the song after.

This meant i now felt obliged to rest during the current song. Meanwhile he dances with someone else and I'm at the bar. At the bar someone (let's say Bob) asks me and I say I'm resting and the song after is promised but the next one after that is definitely his. He smiles and finds someone else.

then ANOTHER guy (let's call him Carl) asks and again I am forced to decline but promise him not the next or the one after, but the one after that...
right, mentally now sorted. Rest this song, then Alex, then Bob then Carl.

except when the next song start, i go to find Alex, ah there he is, but oh, he is still dancing with that girl.... umm.. oh dear... so I go to find Bob - can't find him... or Carl.. the next song starts and I still can't find Bob so I ask Carl .. then notice midway that Bob is watching and this is meant to be HIS dance... oh dear... afterwards I go to find Bob and apologise and offer him a dance. After this dance I look for Alex who complains that I only go find him 5 songs later and am dancing with all and sundry in the meantime..... oh boy, what a confusing night... a queue of none, Alex, Bob, Carl turned into None, None, Carl, Bob, Alex and everyone getting ticked off at me for apparently dancing with someone else during THEIR promised one. My elaborate queueing system was ruined...

so never again will I decline a dance - far too much hassle.
 

mindputtee

Well-Known Member
Oh wow! Haha. I only decline dances when I'm just too tired to do it. Like when a quickstep comes on right after I've danced a long viennese. I just can't do that. I'm more inclined to tell them to find me for a later dance rather than promising the next or whatever. Or if anything I'll promise them the next of that type of dance that comes on. Other than that for the most part I engage in this:

Of similar value is what I term having a "club club." What is a club club you ask? Well, the same way you can put "the club" on the steering wheel in your car to discourage would be thieves, a club club serves to discourage would be (unwanted) dance partners. Where can I get this remarkable device you ask? Right in your favorite, local venues! How? Simple...just make the appropriate arrangements with a good friend. My club club and i have been helping each other out for years...whether it's grabbing the other for a dance or putting an arm around the other and being in the midst of a deep discussion in the nick of time, there's no replacing a club club. Go out and get one today!

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There are just some guys who are creepy and I don't like having to tell them no, so I get a friend to grab me instead when they are headed over, or avoid eye contact as much as possible.
 
There are just some guys who are creepy and I don't like having to tell them no, so I get a friend to grab me instead when they are headed over, or avoid eye contact as much as possible.
We always used the practice of "reminding" someone in our group that they'd promised us this dance (which was non-negotiable). Failing that, we resorted to running for one-another when certain dances came on... it was always sad to get half way across the floor to find my intended partner had already been picked off by the guy I was trying to save her from.
 
There is this one practice party where, out of five times I've been asked to dance, twice I was abandoned in the middle of the floor by my partners and the third I was yanked around painfully by the leader until I said "Thank you for the dance" and stepped away myself (we were already at the edge of the floor). I felt bad about the last, since I had been embarrassed to be abandoned mid-dance in the middle of the floor by the others--but the guy was truly hurting me and I had put up with it for three or four minutes already.

The fourth guy lectured me the whole time. And I had one good dance with someone who I'd brought over from a different dance style's practice party.

The experience makes me wary about attending this style's party again.
 

Bailamosdance

Well-Known Member
There is this one practice party where, out of five times I've been asked to dance, twice I was abandoned in the middle of the floor by my partners and the third I was yanked around painfully by the leader until I said "Thank you for the dance" and stepped away myself (we were already at the edge of the floor). I felt bad about the last, since I had been embarrassed to be abandoned mid-dance in the middle of the floor by the others--but the guy was truly hurting me and I had put up with it for three or four minutes already.

The fourth guy lectured me the whole time. And I had one good dance with someone who I'd brought over from a different dance style's practice party.

The experience makes me wary about attending this style's party again.

Just to consider: the person you abandoned... What did he feel when you did that? And, the people who abandoned you might say the same about you being a difficult person to dance with. Such is the social world. And remember, your dance level precludes your happiness... A better dancer always has the worse time lol
 

IndyLady

Well-Known Member
twice I was abandoned in the middle of the floor by my partners
Maybe this belongs in the "Funny Habits of your Pro" thread, but since we're here....

Pro and I had been preparing for an upcoming comp. At the weekly studio party, we would practice our amalgamations during the dances that we danced together. He would stop after the first run-through of the amalgamation (about 1 minute or so) and then walk me off the floor. Now, generally the instructors DJ, so I am used to having to finish up a dance early if an instructor is pulling double duty, but then one time I noticed that while I was standing on the sidelines he had started dancing with a different student (fwiw - I was his only student at that studio prepping for a comp). Needless to say, I found this rather rude. We don't have to do the sequence twice, but I do expect my partner to finish out the song with some syllabus or other moves.

So, at our next lesson, I told him that I thought our amalgamations needed to be longer, maybe a couple minutes. He looked at me, puzzled, and I said, it's so that you don't finish the sequence up so early that you have to leave me in the middle of a song at party (obviously, I wasn't serious, it was deadpanning humor, since I'd found that direct constructive criticism sometimes did not go over well with this pro). Fortunately, he got the joke, probably because I needled him about it a couple more times, and problem was solved.
 
Just to consider: the person you abandoned... What did he feel when you did that? And, the people who abandoned you might say the same about you being a difficult person to dance with. Such is the social world. And remember, your dance level precludes your happiness... A better dancer always has the worse time lol
It is possible that he felt bad, but he was physically hurting me, repeatedly. Perhaps I should have said, "Thank you, but you are hurting me." I also didn't leave him in the middle of the dance floor--at the very least, we walked off to the side together.

It is possible that the leaders who left me felt I was pulling on them--but unlikely. After these experiences I talked to my pro/teacher about the issue specifically and was told that it certainly wasn't me, that I am a good follower and am light and easy to dance with/don't yank people around. I think I did my due diligence by checking out with my teacher(s) (I've asked another pro, too, and he confirmed) whether I am doing anything with my following to cause this issue.

There has to be a balance between rudeness of walking away with someone because they are a beginner and protecting yourself from pain, right? And isn't there a difference between leaving someone alone in the middle of the floor and at least accompanying them off the floor?

I am not sure what you mean about dancing level precluding happiness.
 

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