Salsa Rejection: When is it appropriate?

Hmm... no smile in my avatar. I oughtta change that. Although right now maybe I should keep it because no smile is a whole lot prettier than the black eye and cheek laceration I have right now. My face has been salsa-baptized.
 
Having checked the link to the online magazine, it appears that this is also an article from the May 2005 instalment. Therefore, has been moved, like the other one, to the Articles section
 
But mainly I really liked dancing with him. He had a very gentle way of making his partner look and feel really good while doing very simple steps.
*sigh* I wish this was a mandatory skill taught in "leader class".

randomMysh, you're from around NYC - where did you say we can find this gentleman? :D
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
Let me tell my story. For the first time in my life I had to eb really rude/mean...

I go to a dance on Friday night in Syracuse. An aquaintance, Joe, who does tango introduces me to his friend..Cory...She asks eme to dance so I do a merengue with her. Then she asks me to do teh next one. I say, "no thanks". I don't danec too many merengues. So she says...ok another dance. Then she says she wants to buy me adrink. I say, "no thanks". She insists, so I agree to a bottle of water. I talk with her a little after that...you no...as she got em a drink. Then a salsa coms on and so I danec with her. Later on...I'm watching some people dance. She gestures to me to dance so I go over to her and say I'm watching people dance so, no. She says that she wants to dance and so I tell her there are plenty of other guys. Then later she comes to me and says she is leaving. I ask her why and she says that she wants to dance and is not getting to do so. I say well, I like watching people dance in addition to dancing and that's what I'm doing. She then says that she is going and would like one last dance. I agree and dance with her. Then she tells me she wants the next song. I said no and just walked away. Creepy, almost spoilt my night. Never had this happen to me before. Never!! Ever!!! In my 7 years or so of dancing.....

Then I walked to the other side of the room and I had some really good dances...so all was not lost... I ended the night on a good night.
 
Let me tell my story. For the first time in my life I had to eb really rude/mean...

I go to a dance on Friday night in Syracuse. An aquaintance, Joe, who does tango introduces me to his friend..Cory...She asks eme to dance so I do a merengue with her. Then she asks me to do teh next one. I say, "no thanks". I don't danec too many merengues. So she says...ok another dance. Then she says she wants to buy me adrink. I say, "no thanks". She insists, so I agree to a bottle of water. I talk with her a little after that...you no...as she got em a drink. Then a salsa coms on and so I danec with her. Later on...I'm watching some people dance. She gestures to me to dance so I go over to her and say I'm watching people dance so, no. She says that she wants to dance and so I tell her there are plenty of other guys. Then later she comes to me and says she is leaving. I ask her why and she says that she wants to dance and is not getting to do so. I say well, I like watching people dance in addition to dancing and that's what I'm doing. She then says that she is going and would like one last dance. I agree and dance with her. Then she tells me she wants the next song. I said no and just walked away. Creepy, almost spoilt my night. Never had this happen to me before. Never!! Ever!!! In my 7 years or so of dancing.....

Then I walked to the other side of the room and I had some really good dances...so all was not lost... I ended the night on a good night.
You have just met the proverbial princess. All about attention and demands. To put it into perspective imagine the poor bloke who's going to marry her.
 

tj

New Member
It sucks when someone else is ruining your night for you.

Is it possible that she doesn't know the proper etiquette when it comes to dancing? (Yeah, I agree that she might have been interested in you...)
 
I am chuckling to myself. I do some of these things. If I ask one woman in a group and get turned down, I generally won't go down the line and ask the others in the group. I may come back to one of them later, however. I'm not sure why I started doing this. It might have been based on experience, but it also might have been based on reading somewhere that just going down the line tended to project desperation. I think the "second choice" thing is part of the issue, and perhaps also pressure for conformity that might exist within a circle of female friends.

And, yes, if I seem to be getting turned down a lot on one side of the club, I might go to the other side and see what my options are there, and maybe try to make a fresh start.
ha! I didn't notice this reply to a post of mine. in '05, I had used the 'zone' approach but I can report that they aren't needed. My overall approach to rejection (and to many guys I am sure) was: ask, get shot down, don't ask again.
The problem with this approach was that life became predictable for me. I have tended to overreact to rejection and then shut ppl out entirely in the scene.

Nowadays, I just have the policy of 'shameless asking'. When I have that smirk on my face, and that grin that gets wider as i get rejected, the girls get curious. They inevitably say yes. Often, I'll go back to girls who've shot me down a couple of times and say, 'hey did I pick on you when we were in middle school ? weren't you the girl with pigtails and braces ? is that why you won't dance with me' or anything silly. Some get even more mad, but what are they gonna do - reject me ? LOL.

the fact is I've seen too many people paint themselves into corners with DNA and DND lists. It destroys the scene - I've experienced that first hand.
 
the fact is I've seen too many people paint themselves into corners with DNA and DND lists. It destroys the scene - I've experienced that first hand.
I'm not sure that I agree with this. The lists have nothing to do with the scene - just with an individual. It helps us, mostly guys, have more control over our happiness and what constitutes fun for us. The peeps who get put on these lists are likley the ones who are the cancer in the system, but again, that may not be the case.
 
I'm not sure that I agree with this. The lists have nothing to do with the scene - just with an individual. It helps us, mostly guys, have more control over our happiness and what constitutes fun for us. The peeps who get put on these lists are likley the ones who are the cancer in the system, but again, that may not be the case.
Yeah but if you drag around a list of everyone who was snarky to you when you were a beginner you'll end up denying yourself a lot of really fun dances.

I posted an angsty thread about this on salsaforums, when one of the better leaders who had been less than encouraging to me early on started coming around asking for dances. I had this tit-for-tat idea that I should reject him; but honestly he would never have known why and he is a really fun dancer. I don't think carrying around salsa grudges is productive in terms of getting your own dance on.
 
Yeah but if you drag around a list of everyone who was snarky to you when you were a beginner you'll end up denying yourself a lot of really fun dances.

I posted an angsty thread about this on salsaforums, when one of the better leaders who had been less than encouraging to me early on started coming around asking for dances. I had this tit-for-tat idea that I should reject him; but honestly he would never have known why and he is a really fun dancer. I don't think carrying around salsa grudges is productive in terms of getting your own dance on.

People get on the lists for different reasons. Simple/graceful rejections will rarely earn you a lifetime membership in anybodys's DND/DNA list.

Meanness or a negative action - deliberate or inadvertent - will likely what give you a permanent spot in the list and then, I think, I might be better off not knowing ever why that person is so much fun to dance with.
 

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