So why *did* the chicken cross the road?


Staff member
So Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? ...

George Bush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released e-Chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-Chicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Richard Nixon's Answer: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Buddha's Answer: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelets.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Pope's Answer: That is only for God to know.

Emily Dickenson's Answer: Because it could not stop for death.

O.J. Simpson's Answer: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Colonel Sanders' Answer: I missed one?


Staff member
Yup... wouldn't want to brake our own anti-politics position, but figured this was OK due to it "equal opportunity" silliness... :D


Well-Known Member
Air Combat Command: The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

Air Education and Training Command:
The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.

L.A. Police Department :
Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Humphrey Bogart:
Otherwise, it would regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of its life.

Rhett Butler:
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Julius Caesar:
It came, it saw, it crossed.

Gregor Mendel:
To get various strains of roads.

Bill Clinton:
It crossed the road once, but it didn't inhale.

Basil Fawlty:
Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Marcel Marceau:

Fox Muldar:
It was a government conspiracy. You saw the chicken cross the road with your own eyes. How many chickens must cross the road before you believe it? I request otherwise.

Douglas Adams:



Well-Known Member
(former) iraqi propaganda minister: "we shot down thousands of chickens that attempted to cross the road. and we lost no chickens."

john f kennedy: "ich bin ein der chicken"

m. scott peck: "to cross the road less travelled"

marcel marceau:

oliver stone: the question is not "why did the chicken cross the road?" but rather "was there a second chicken on the grassy knoll?"

gerald ford: "i was told that agriculture would not be part of the debates"

jay leno: "because gigli was showing on this side"

richard nixon: "it was selling windex, because windex makes things... uh, perfectly clear"

pavlov: "i don't know, but that seems to ring a bell..."

lily tomlin: "i don't know why, but i'll bet it was fowl... get it? fowl! god, i kill myself! <snort> <snort>"
Joseph Stalin :
whatever the reason, it does not matter. It ought to be shot for doing so, as well as every witness to the scene, and 10 randomly picked people for not stopping that act of subversiveness.

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conductive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.
Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Sherlock Holmes:
It was running to catch the Edinburgh train at Victoria Station at 3:15,
my dear Watson. Observe the patina of dust on the dropped feathers,
bespeaking long hours in a library, surely reading about Scotland.
Remark the Baker Street boys' report that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie"
while waiting to cross. Note the ticket stub marked Edinburgh. Of course,
we both know the only train to Edinburgh leaves at 3:15 from Victoria...

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle
who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him,
but we needed the eggs.

Bones McCoy:
gosh darnit! Jim, I'm a Doctor, not an orinthologist!

Johnny Cochran:
The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.

J.R.R. Tolkien :
The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.

"The fact that the chicken has crossed the road with all impunity, in spite of the UN resolutions, represents a grave assault on
democracy, justice and liberty. This proves beyond a reasonable doubt that we should have bombed that road a long time ago.With the objective of guaranteeing peace in that region, and to prevent the values that we defend form being attacked once more by that type of terrorism, the government of the United States of America has decided to send 17 aircraft carriers, 46 destructors and 154 frigates, with the and support of 243.000 infantry soldiers and air support of 846 bomber jets, whose mission it will be, in name of freedom and democracy, to eliminate any form of life in all chicken coups within a diameter of 5.000 kilometers, and then, for security, with a battery of very accurate missiles, that everything else in the area that resembles a chicken coup be reduced to a pile of ashes so that they will never defy our great nation with their arrogance.We have also decided, that the country will then be run generously by our government, that will reconstruct the chicken coups according to the valid security measures. Furthermore, each coup will be lead by a rooster elected democratically by the embassador of the USA.To finance this reconstruction, we will have to make due with the profits of all cereal productions foe the next 30 years, giving an ammount of produce to the inhabitants in exchange for their total cooperation In this new countryb of peace, justice, and liberty, we can then assure you, that no chicken will ever attempt to cross the road, for the simple reason that there will no longer be any roads, and chickens will have no feet. GOD BLESS AMERICA!"

"The reason lies in you, but you are not aware of it yet. With a modest payment of only $1,500, and the rental of a lie detector, we will give you a spiritual analysis that will allow us to discover the reason.."


Active Member
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Lita_rulez said:
Sherlock Holmes:
It was running to catch the Edinburgh train at Victoria Station at 3:15,
my dear Watson. Observe the patina of dust on the dropped feathers,
bespeaking long hours in a library, surely reading about Scotland.
Remark the Baker Street boys' report that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie"
while waiting to cross. Note the ticket stub marked Edinburgh. Of course,
we both know the only train to Edinburgh leaves at 3:15 from Victoria...
Yeah, the chicken was coming to visit me! :D
Except that, Victoria is the wrong station for going to Edinburgh, so it got lost (I thought I'd told the chicken to go to Kings Cross...) :(.


Well-Known Member
a few more:

farrakhan: "the road represents the black man, and the chicken represents the white man..."

more lily tomlin: "no, foul, FOWL! EFF! OH! DUBBAYOO! ELL! it's a homonym..."

james kirk: "to boldly go (or to go boldly so as not to split the infinitive) where no chicken has ever gone before"

more from the former iraqi propanganda minister: "did i mention that we also sank the entire u.s. navy with a single scud missile?"

plato (or was it voltaire?): for the chicken, to do is to be.
descartes: no, to be is to do.
frank sinatra: doobie doobie doo....(to the tune of "strangers in the night")

sir robin: "was it the vicious chicken of bristol? i nearly stood up to it once."

king arthur: "was that an african or european chicken?"

the bridgekeeper from scene 24: "i don't know. AHHHHHHHHH!.........."

beckett: "it wouldn't wait for godot"

more john f. kennedy: "if the chicken had been england, it would have slept"

hannibal: "because it saw no alps"


Well-Known Member
The chicken crossed the road??? No way! It couldn't have crossed the road. It wasn't even near enough to the road to cross it. This must be a mistake! It was lying right there sleeping next to me. Someone must of snuck up, snatched the chicken, snapped it's neck, and then proceeded to throw it over to the other side when I wasn't looking. That's it! It must be! There is know way it would have dared to cross the road, let alone attempt to cross the road, or even think of crossing the road with out me stopping the traffic to let it cross. Otherwise, it would have been hit by that big 18 wheeler that I can see off in the distance. See, that one, down that way. Yes, that's it, the one kicking up all the dust as it's moving further away from us.


Well-Known Member
Maybe the chicken was abducted by aliens? ;)

You know, abducted and then deposited on to the other side of the road.

And if this happened, can one really say the chicken crossed the road?

Hmmm ... what's that about inquiring minds ...

(DP aka SPS is now just being a wise guy, and cracking himself up, too.)


Well-Known Member
DancePoet said:

I'm laughing close to uncontrolably!
the folks who aren't aware of the other thread are going to be scratching their heads a LONG time...

my other choice was to suggest that the chicken had been nicknamed 'john'.

and to touch on another obscure thread, you should hear about what's been going on with the 5'8" blonde who gave me her phone # in front of her date 3.5 weeks ago...

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