Stigma With Ladies Asking?

I like the way blossomingsalsadancer wrote and being invited for dinner. Especially when you dance with people for the first time...you wait and see what you'll get... :)
 
hey what about when you're invited to a potluck dinner?
Yes the host overseas the arrangements but all the guests bring some food as well, and everybody gets to choose what items they wanna eat, right?

I like this analogy better ;)
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
africana said:
hey what about when you're invited to a potluck dinner?
Yes the host overseas the arrangements but all the guests bring some food as well, and everybody gets to choose what items they wanna eat, right?

I like this analogy better ;)
Me too. :)
 
i have to say, for myself, getting over my hesitation to ask was pretty much the turning point in my social dance career. but people are different and i appreciate that not every follower desires to construct her social dancing in this way.
Alemana, I have no doubt that it’s very liberating to become comfortable asking men to dance. I think it takes a certain level of confidence and self-awareness of your skills to be able to do this and I have no doubt that the quality of your dances have greatly improved since you’ve started asking men to dance.

Sorta like choosing and ordering something specific from a menu at the restaurant, you have some expectation of what you might get.
A little different if someone else picks the restaurant and orders for you. I'll compare that to when I get asked and I have no idea what to expect (yeah bad analogy but you see what I mean?)
Yes I do see what you mean Africana and I thinks it’s a good analogy! Perhaps when I get a more definitive sense of my style, I can pick, choose and ASK those partners who will mesh well with me when I want to have a “guaranteed to be fabulous” dance! Truth be told though, I kind of like not knowing what I’m going to get from dance to dance. I like the variety because it prevents going out dancing from becoming “old” for me since it’s bound to be different all the time when random people dance with me. In yet another analogy :roll: , it’s like going to an amusement park like Disneyland: I never ride the same type of ride while I’m there. I make it a point to go one the fast and thrilling ride like space mountain, the safe but entertaining ride like the Carousel, the insanely frantic ride like the teacups and the notoriously “out of order” prone ride like the Matterhorn!! :bouncy: My personal preference is to sample it all! As Shooshoo wrote
you wait and see what you'll get...
:D
 
a 'potluck dinner' is more with people you already know.
Agreed. My comments regarding asking men how to dance is limited to people I don't know/barely know. Friends are a completely different ballgame--you can invite them over to your house even when your house is a mess and they won't mind! :)
 
Shooshoo said:
Yeah, but a 'potluck dinner' is more with people you already know. Or it's also a more modern way to have a party. Same with dancing I guess.
mmm I've been to lots of potlucks where I only knew the hosts, but I still ate the yummy brownies even though I didn't know who brought it :lol: well until I asked cos they were soo good :)

blossoming said:
In yet another analogy , it’s like going to an amusement park like Disneyland: I never ride the same type of ride while I’m there. I make it a point to go one the fast and thrilling ride like space mountain, the safe but entertaining ride like the Carousel, the insanely frantic ride like the teacups and the notoriously “out of order” prone ride like the Matterhorn!! My personal preference is to sample it all!
Interesting cos this IS precisely why I ask ( if you read the previous posts) I get to sample all the variety much faster 8)

Yes it's also fun hanging out the honey and catching whatever bees fly by as well.

I prefer to go with the flow of the circumstances (no rules for me), somedays I ask more, other days I get asked more, and sometimes is 50/50
 
blossomingsalsadancer said:
a 'potluck dinner' is more with people you already know.
Agreed. My comments regarding asking men how to dance is limited to people I don't know/barely know. Friends are a completely different ballgame--you can invite them over to your house even when your house is a mess and they won't mind! :)
true that!

alemana said:
i like to think of it as inviting someone to cook for me. bring it!
wow I think I need to make new friends, I still have to do all my cooking myself
 
blossomingsalsadancer said:
a 'potluck dinner' is more with people you already know.
Agreed. My comments regarding asking men how to dance is limited to people I don't know/barely know. Friends are a completely different ballgame--you can invite them over to your house even when your house is a mess and they won't mind! :)
Too bad that I'm not one of your friends; I could motivate you to clean your house :wink: :lol: .
 
ash88 said:
What intimidates me is a highly advanced follower. I know enough moves/patterns to keep any beginner exhilarated and intermediate smiling throughout, but when i dance with advanced followers i tend to be thinking, "Oh brother, I bet i'm boring her to death".

How much fun can a dance like that be?
Oh my, that's a big mistake you're making there. When dancing with very, very advanced folows, dance simpler! They have plenty of ability to keep themselves entertained and make you look good. That's what counts 4 and 8 are for in salsa on1, for the follow to style. Let her shine! I used to feel intimidated like you until I got up the courage to ask one of the best teachers to dance in a club--it felt awesome despite my clumsy lead at the time, and I never felt shy about asking top dancers again.


and I can always practise my leads on beginners.
No, no, no! That way you'll never figure out the best way a move ought to be lead. A beginner won't be able read your lead in the most universal way, so when you try to apply your "practised" leads to more broadly educated partners you'll be surprised by totally unexpected reactions. Once you get the basics of a move make it a point to practice it with the very best dancers, and pay attention to the nuances that make them interpret it one way or another. A salsero friend of mine likes to say "all moves are the same move." It's the subtle differences in your lead that make The One Move into the amazing variety that you see out there on the dance floor, and the secret to looking good is developing your perception of these subtle differences. That's something beginners can't help you with.
 
kdogg said:
blossomingsalsadancer said:
a 'potluck dinner' is more with people you already know.
Agreed. My comments regarding asking men how to dance is limited to people I don't know/barely know. Friends are a completely different ballgame--you can invite them over to your house even when your house is a mess and they won't mind! :)
Too bad that I'm not one of your friends; I could motivate you to clean your house :wink: :lol: .
Why are you going to go 'round my house with white gloves to check for dust? :? You're not allowed to come over! :)

By the way, I love your signature line!
 
africana said:
mmm I've been to lots of potlucks where I only knew the hosts, but I still ate the yummy brownies even though I didn't know who brought it :lol: well until I asked cos they were soo good :)
It's okay to munch on the yummy brownies even though you don't know the creator; but don't let them find out that you put a couple in your purse for snacks later when you get home. :lol: :lol: :lol:

africana said:
Yes it's also fun hanging out the honey and catching whatever bees fly by as well.
You're a real teaser, hanging out the honey and trapping those poor bees; they don't know what trouble they're going to get into :wink: :lol: .
 
i agree about just wanting as many dances as possible.

my posts and the detail therein may give the impression i'm doing all kinds of sideline analysis about which dancers i want to dance with and which leaders i will ask to dance.

basically my goal is to dance as much as possible. i may stand on the side and watch and evaluate, but really what i mostly want is just to freaking dance. i can and do put up with sub-ideal situations because, hey, THIS IS SOCIAL DANCING, everybody has their little quirks, their strengths, their styles. that's what i LIKE about it in the first place!

it's like a smorgasbord. i am the customer. i don't know who cooked the food but i paid my money and i want to sample almost everything out there.
 
the thing about asking friends vs strangers -

yep, it's easier to ask friends. you should practice asking on them. but once you ask a stranger to dance two socials in a row, guess what? he's practically your friend. your dance friend.
 
clave said:
ash88 said:
What intimidates me is a highly advanced follower. I know enough moves/patterns to keep any beginner exhilarated and intermediate smiling throughout, but when i dance with advanced followers i tend to be thinking, "Oh brother, I bet i'm boring her to death".

How much fun can a dance like that be?
Oh my, that's a big mistake you're making there. When dancing with very, very advanced folows, dance simpler! They have plenty of ability to keep themselves entertained and make you look good. That's what counts 4 and 8 are for in salsa on1, for the follow to style. Let her shine!
WOW my friend said this same thing to me last friday! I was not pleased because he admits he had been doing the same thing to me, only leading simpler moves so that no one looks bad
what's the fun in that??
he admits he needs the follower to look good so that he looks good, so that other followers can see that and want to dance with him, and it works for him he says.

I told him the only reason an advanced dancer should carry that title is because they can handle almost anything dished out to them, including, (or rather, especially) complex leads. For one thing an advanced follower should be able to follow advanced leads unless it's lead really badly, and for another then she/he should be able to make mistakes look as intentional as possible

I think it's ok to keep it simple, but once you get to know that person shouldn't that give you more leeway to try harder/funner stuff?? I know I do that with styling as well, the amount I do can depend on history with the lead
 
kdogg said:
africana said:
Yes it's also fun hanging out the honey and catching whatever bees fly by as well.
You're a real teaser, hanging out the honey and trapping those poor bees; they don't know what trouble they're going to get into :wink: :lol: .
bah :p I don't tease (usually) I go for what I want ;)
 
africana said:
clave said:
ash88 said:
What intimidates me is a highly advanced follower. I know enough moves/patterns to keep any beginner exhilarated and intermediate smiling throughout, but when i dance with advanced followers i tend to be thinking, "Oh brother, I bet i'm boring her to death".

How much fun can a dance like that be?
Oh my, that's a big mistake you're making there. When dancing with very, very advanced folows, dance simpler! They have plenty of ability to keep themselves entertained and make you look good. That's what counts 4 and 8 are for in salsa on1, for the follow to style. Let her shine!
WOW my friend said this same thing to me last friday! I was not pleased because he admits he had been doing the same thing to me, only leading simpler moves so that no one looks bad
what's the fun in that??
he admits he needs the follower to look good so that he looks good, so that other followers can see that and want to dance with him, and it works for him he says.
So far I agree, not that very many advanced followers are willing to dance with me yet. :roll: But yeah, this is in my head as well.

I told him the only reason an advanced dancer should carry that title is because they can handle almost anything dished out to them, including, (or rather, especially) complex leads. For one thing an advanced follower should be able to follow advanced leads unless it's lead really badly, and for another then she/he should be able to make mistakes look as intentional as possible
I tend to agree, which means that not everybody that looks good, is good. I discovered this in ballroom. I used to have trouble dancing with many advanced followers. They couldn't follow my lead. Now that I've improved (and am in fact better than some of them now) I've learned how to adapt to their inadequacies, frankly. But I couldn't tell that when I was a beginner. The truly advanced ones could always follow me. I assume the same is true now in salsa.

I think it's ok to keep it simple, but once you get to know that person shouldn't that give you more leeway to try harder/funner stuff?? I know I do that with styling as well, the amount I do can depend on history with the lead
You would think so. At this point I'm afraid (unjustifiably I think) that everyone's a shrinking violet. I've made friends with a married couple and she not only encouraged me to try the complicated move but she kept telling me to do it until I got it! I really appreciated that.
 
africana said:
kdogg said:
africana said:
Yes it's also fun hanging out the honey and catching whatever bees fly by as well.
You're a real teaser, hanging out the honey and trapping those poor bees; they don't know what trouble they're going to get into :wink: :lol: .
bah :p I don't tease (usually) I go for what I want ;)
You go girl! All of a sudden I'm getting this urge to....well....ahem! :twisted:
 

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