Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

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wonderwoman

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OK, correction there. Many young, "nice" men think it's about bad boys. Actually, it's about boys that are assertive and confident enough to actually make a play for them. Sometimes it goes hand in hand with being a "bad boy", but that's not the key characteristic. And it's not that the women come around to nice boys, it's that as they get older, the nice boys finally grow a pair and ask the ladies out. Let's not confuse correlation with causation.
I agree with this 100%
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
Hmm, that may be...but there's also science behind it. A while back I read a news article about some studies that tried to prove why it is women will have sex and short flings with the "bad boys" but eventually marry the "nice guy". It had something to do with differences in ovulation cycles and age and a bunch of other factors. Wish I could find the article again but my search is coming up empty. Something else I can no longer find was this great BBC documentary I watched called "The Science of Love" or something like that which broke down all the subconscious details of attraction, like what biological factors influence attraction for men and women and things like what drives us to cheat. I remember it was particularly alarming though how many men aren't actually the father of their children... :eek:
Its that bad boys are having sex and short flings with women, and nice guys are marrying them. Recognize.
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
I've got to ask, LC, do any of these statistics, and scientific studies, help you in your quest? Or do they "explain" why a "nice guy" may as well just give up until he's middle-aged?
 
I've got to ask, LC, do any of these statistics, and scientific studies, help you in your quest? Or do they "explain" why a "nice guy" may as well just give up until he's middle-aged?
IDK, sometimes I think if I can understand what goes on in the dating game I can somehow bend the unfortunate rules in my favor...but no it probably doesn't help because no matter how I look at it, it always seems to come down to the fact that I have to act, lol. So I guess it is just a reason to be angry with the world and blame others or an excuse to feel sorry for myself because it's destiny or something, idk...
 

toothlesstiger

Well-Known Member
I have noted, in myself, and in others around me, that there can be a tendency to find reasons not to act. The real reason is fear, but we justify our inability to act with various "logical" reasons. The first step to changing things in our favor is to recognize the real reasons for our actions or lack thereof.
 

Joe

Well-Known Member
In a sweeping generalization of my relationships, when a woman says she wants more intimacy, physical intimacy is most definitely not what she's talking about. She wants emotional intimacy, she wants me to share my innermost thoughts. :rolleyes:
Oh, the painful moments when she would ask what I was thinking, and I'd say something like "I think this car is overdue for an oil change..."
Worst question ever: "What are you thinking?"
 

TinyDancer109

Well-Known Member
Girls do love guys that can dance but for some mysterious reason it doesn't seem to increase their desire for sex enough to make them more aggressive when seeking it.
i dont know why i am going to bother having a go at this but....

have you ever considered that perhaps the large majority of women (dancer or otherwise) are NOT seeking CASUAL sex?????
 

Larinda McRaven

Site Moderator
Staff member
All talk of of moderation can be brought up privately with the staff. No one here is better than anyone else... and no one here needs to be acting as a moderator. Take it to pms if you want to spar for superiority, or take to the private messages to staff forum if you want a mediator. But get it straight here and now, posts like that don't belong on DF.

And I do have a good mind to shut the thread down because I think dragging this poor cat hit by a car any further down the street is just pointless. Can we please drop the pointless generalizations, name calling, and accusations?

Any more of it and the thread will not only be locked it will be deleted.
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
OK, correction there. Many young, "nice" men think it's about bad boys. Actually, it's about boys that are assertive and confident enough to actually make a play for them. Sometimes it goes hand in hand with being a "bad boy", but that's not the key characteristic. And it's not that the women come around to nice boys, it's that as they get older, the nice boys finally grow a pair and ask the ladies out. Let's not confuse correlation with causation.
Also, google heartlessbitches "nice guy" to see an essay on what those "nice guys" often are doing that is really putting women off.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
Also, google heartlessbitches "nice guy" to see an essay on what those "nice guys" often are doing that is really putting women off.
i didn't google this (as yet), but you bring up a good point... "nice guys" can be evil incarnate, just hidden under a cotton-candy, clueless, not-having-questioned-why-he-should-cut-his-momma's-apron's-strings-yet exterior, if they don't know how to be responsibly honest & pro-active in their relationships & emotions.

for my part, i in no way support the nice guy/bad guy paradigm. "bad guys" may be the most honest, authentic men to come a woman's way in her entire lifetime.

my suggestion is...get rid of those polarizing stereotypes.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
i didn't google this (as yet), but you bring up a good point... "nice guys" can be evil incarnate, just hidden under a cotton-candy, clueless, not-having-questioned-why-he-should-cut-his-momma's-apron's-strings-yet exterior, if they don't know how to be responsibly honest & pro-active in their relationships & emotions.

for my part, i in no way support the nice guy/bad guy paradigm. "bad guys" may be the most honest, authentic men to come a woman's way in her entire lifetime.

my suggestion is...get rid of those polarizing stereotypes.

Yes. The only real bad boy boyfriend I ever had is the only one with whom I'm still close friends. We exchange pictures of our kids. We talk often. He's happily married for (i think?) fifteen years now, with a nice, loving wife and four daughters.

The thing that enabled me to be his friend, after he broke my heart and left with with baggage is that he is the first man in my life who was ever straight up honest about who and what he was. He was straight with me, bad boy or no. Honest works.
 
Exactly! And some of the guys who take up dancing strictly because they've heard "chicks dig guys who can dance", well...if they do manage to learn how that IS all they have going for them, otherwise they wouldn't be looking for some way that's guaranteed.
A little harsh, don't you think? I was just sharing my observations by the way--I did not start taking dance instruction because "chicks dig guys who can dance"--and I seriously doubt anyone would spend thousands of dollars over multiple years on private instruction with the motivation you ascribe them. We are not talking 6 weeks of salsa instruction, so that you can pick up girls at the salsa club here. Oh, also, I was actually hit on by (drunk) ladies at salsa venues, never at ballroom events. I am pretty sure I could have taken those girls to the bedroom if I had so chosen--but I am not into one-night stands with drunk girls, but maybe that's just me...
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
I ran across an article recently that explained the difference between being nice and being kind. Kindess is a genuine desire to treat people with the utmost respect without expecting anything in return. Being nice is treating people in the way that earns you favor or allows you to save face.

I think this explains why nice people get a bad rap. They are too obviously aiming to please. You can sense that they wish they didn't have to put forth so much effort.
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
I don't think that "nice" is a bad thing...not is it as clear-cut as what WW says.

Nice can mean genuinely kind-hearted, pleasant, fun, etc.

Nice, said in place of a stronger, more specific adjective can mean "Nice...but not really that great."

All depends on how it's said.
 
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