the voices in your head


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lol...I just look at my poor sad kitchen and my poor sad carpeting, and my deck that is sure to rot out from underneath me soon, and then there is the matter of how many starving people I could feed....I haven't even gotten to considering the luxuries, but I do that those moments where I contemplate this stuff...that being said, I also know how restless and sad I am after two weeks without a lesson...still, there may come a day when the extent to which I am doing this probably needs to be re-visited...but probably only when my pro retires or I break something
this looks so much like my inner voice...are you sure it's not mine?


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Funny, after coachings this last week my inner voice has been saying the same....

Geez, if I'm never going to dance like I want to, then why the **** am I spending this much money on this? Ditto the corvette, luxury trip to Europe, not to mention actually getting a place of my own.

And then there's the hours and hours of lonely practice I put in and the wear and tear on the feet and body.

There are days that you just want to crawl in a hole and stay there....but tomorrow is another day, and perhaps a day with a clearer head....
my head tells me that instead of wasting all this money I might have some money to be able to live under the same roof with my hubby which hasn't been happening 4 years now...on the other hand, we are not under the same roof or in the same city but we are in the same country and that's improvement already!


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Why is my teacher so preoccupied with my sweating? Is it something I did? I always sweat a lot, what can I do to fix it? Just get out of her way, I guess. But still, how come no one else ever complains? Is it because she doesn't like me and has no other way to say it? Why do I bother so much for her to like me?


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Take his hand, stretch, breathe out and go... hey, that felt really solid... counterbalance with your hip...right ribcage... ooohhh, pretty... stay with him, stay with him, stay with him... WAIT... right ribcage and stretch!... wheee!... stretch and run, run, run... step back... stretch... I feel pretty :)... lower.... go... darn it, turned head too early again... focus.... go!... wait!... why did you pick your foot up?... shut up... focus... aaaand shape.

^^ this is my current waltz routine.
Need to practice, need to practice, need to practice. Competing in a month. Prechamp. Not ready for this. Oh, wait, you did really well last year in novice. Time to move up. Except, nope, not ready. Practice, practice, practice. Wish I didn't have so much other stuff to do so I could have more partner practice time. Prechamp. Crap.
body-hip-body-hip-body-hiiippp (this is a turn); fan -oh! was that supposed to be a fan? no - a rock step... Exhale - be sharp!
forwardforwardforwardforward - STOP.

The start to my current chacha.


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"The voices in your head"

Oh, you mean Brenda?

"Wow, yeah, you're not doing that right. When your coach does it, she's way more flexible in the back than you are. You'll never get that right. Oh, you're going to try? Aw, look at you! /baby voice/ You're twy-ing!"

"Haven't you had, like, four lessons on that already? Clearly you're never going to get it. You should probably just resign yourself to looking like you do."

/files nails/ "That's the new choreography?" /goes back to filing nails/

"Your partner is going to hate the way you're doing that. I'm just saying."

"You know you need to be lifted in the ribcage - dang, don't stick your chest out that far, cripes, you'll put someone's eyes out. How many dancers have bodies like yours again? I'll wait."

Sigh. Brenda.

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