Uncomfortable with my wife ballroom dancing with other men

danceronice

Well-Known Member
...and see, I don't get anything really sexy or overt. I mean, allowing for it being a Jack and Jill it was just too simple and back and forth and back and forth without anything interesting (yeah, 3:40-ish, but all I'm thinking is the same thing as I when I flick between my partner's feet in ECS, "Accident potential.") The footwork's not sexy and there's just not a lot going on in the upper body. (Demonstrating sticking with the 19 will really kill your standards for 'what qualifies as sexy.')
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
...and see, I don't get anything really sexy or overt. I mean, allowing for it being a Jack and Jill it was just too simple and back and forth and back and forth without anything interesting (yeah, 3:40-ish, but all I'm thinking is the same thing as I when I flick between my partner's feet in ECS, "Accident potential.") The footwork's not sexy and there's just not a lot going on in the upper body. (Demonstrating sticking with the 19 will really kill your standards for 'what qualifies as sexy.')

And I find it far more sexual than almost all ballroom I've ever seen. It's the subtlety of it.
 

Siggav

Active Member
Count me in as another one who has a hard time picturing a provocative quick step routine. I do dance blues regularly so I'm used to dancing in close embrace and whether people are married or partnered has nothing to do with the dancing. It's all good clean fun and the dance connection is just for the dance.

Blues is a bit tricky because people who don't dance it have sometimes heard about it being sleazy and are then horrible to try to dance with when they end up giving it a go (this can go for both genders) because they don't understand how the dance really works, that's

As for the WCS dance linked upthread I see it mostly as a very playful dance where they're both having a lot of fun with it but that it's not particularly sensual. Very fun to watch however, thanks for linking it.
 

Aura

Active Member
I want to echo what the others said when they stated that more acting comes into play when one dances than one might think. I've been a major participant in theater for most of my life in some form or another, and there were instances where our director would tell the actors/actresses to kiss, put more into it, etc. One of my friends had to kiss an actress that he only knew through the production, and he already had a very steady girlfriend at the time. It made them both understandably uncomfortable, but both of them got over it, and there relationship was just fine. Personally, I would be much more comfortable dancing sensual with someone than kissing another person on stage.
 

Siggav

Active Member
That clip is west coast swing which is also an awesome dance, go learn it if you can :)

Blues looks a bit different although there's music overlap sometimes, I'll dig up a clip once I'm not at work (although I know we've headed fairly off topic)
 

samina

Well-Known Member
Yes, that's WCS. Blues is similar but less polished in appearance -- deliciously down & dirty, is my impression. :)

Although I haven't danced it.
 

dancelvr

Well-Known Member
Oops....shows how much I know about WCS. Haha! Meh....still looks like fun, and blues sound even better, and even more of a 'counterbalance' to dancing Standard all the time. We have a blues community here...Hmmm...
 

Siggav

Active Member
Blues is a ton of fun, here's a really nicely filmed slow blues social dance


And a bit faster, bit more down and dirty jack and jill competition


I really enjoy blues and have started leading it as well as following. Blues dance can have very different vibes depending on the dancers and the music.
 

Siggav

Active Member
One more bluesy clip and I'll stop plonking them all over the thread after this, very different context again but this one just makes me smile


but to go back to the actual topic of the thread. Physical proximity and close contact is just treated differently by everyone involved when you're in a partner dance world. Obviously it's still close contact but the purpose of it is the dance. Standard western world people generally touch each other very little outside of romantic partnerships but that's not the case once you hit the culture of partner dances and touching just doesn't have the same meaning then.
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
The first clip seems a little perfunctory (I think the flat shoes and slouchy posture doesn't help for any of it.) The second one, though some of it may just be her dress, falls way too far into trashy.
 
I am looking for some feedback to get me past uncomfortable feelings I have regarding my wife ballroom dancing with other men in a performance setting. Social dancing and performance dancing seem so different. The amount of physical contact is very different. My wife and I both enjoy dancing and attend group classes where we dance with others. I have no uncomfortable feelings with this. When it comes to performance dancing, the social norms of space and contact seem to get thrown out the door.

If we were to take Quickstep group lessons it would be one thing. If my wife is doing private lessons to prepare for a Quickstep routine at an event, the amount of contact between my wife and the instructor is very uncomfortable for me. She has shown me how they hold each other. How there hips and torsos are connected. How there legs are intertwined. Based on my upbringing, my views on acceptable personal space and contact, social norms, this just feels so wrong.

My wife is really enjoying dancing with me now that I have started and she really enjoys dancing with her instructor/partner for the routine they are doing. I want to be totally supportive of my wife, but need to be able to understand and get past my feelings to be able to do so. I am not jealous of my wife and I do not suspect any inappropriate behavior. It is simply that I cannot get over the amount of physical contact that my wife is having with another man.

I welcome your feedback.
NewMantoDancing

It is very understandable!

The lack of your familiarity and acceptance for the physical contact in Standard is not unfounded (My dad grew up in the Nederduits Herformde Kerk, a very strict and conservative church where dancing is considered, especially standard, as opstaande seks, or sex standing up) so my grandparents were really uncomfortable with me learning to dance. Hell, the first time I took up hold, it was a troubling thing to a pubescent boy with raging hormones and a pretty partner... So its understandable.

Now, I was on the other side of where you are, being the partner for a girl who hadn't danced for a while and who's then current boyfriend had never seen her dance. Never mind the fact that he was a bit of a macho man and he got his feathers very ruffled. He wanted to be supportive, but when he came to our practices on a number of occasions, he was very mopey. I think it was hard for him to understand the physical contact, and because of the closeness of the hold, could not get past the fact that it is indeed actually clinical. And in the competitive or show spheres of standard dancing, the contact is absolutely necessary. It is where the lead comes from, especially the right side of the body and the inside of the hip. It serves a functional purpose.

So in short, you will just have to learn to get over it. Support her, learn to dance with her like her instructor does, and you will see that you have nothing to be worried about.

As an aside, dancers typically tend to be very uninhibited by the norms of social physical contact. I suppose we learn to deal with the intimacy of the hold when we first start, but it becomes second nature, and we get over it.

You'll be fine!

All the best
 

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