What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
My meager translation skills don't do this fine, super fun writing any justice,
but here it goes:

Why the man does not ask you to dance although he greets you every time he sees you.

-you push him with your head
-your head makes him hot
-dancing with you turns him on
-dancing with you does not turn him on
-he dances milonguero/salon/nuevo style, and you, the opposite
-he is hunting
-he is hunted
-he is married
- there is a patroness hiding in the bushes, waiting for him to cabeceo some young girl, and he is afraid of her
-somebody told him to be having something with you, and, as the alfa male of the herd, he is now looking for another female to court
-he does not like you anymore
-your embrace makes him crouch
-you've been dancing a lot, and he feels jealous (of course, you have to sit and hold you breath the whole night waiting for him to ask you!)
-you put on weight
-you lost weight
-you are too pretty and sexy (while everybody else precipitates to ask you, he has to ignore you)
- you are not seated conveniently for him to cabeceo you
-he does not know how to cabeceo
-he has a list of cabeceos, and you are #21, so you have to wait
-just when he is looking at you to cabeceo you, you are chatting with your friend, and that pisses him off, so now he will not be asking you for the 7 years to come, and you will wonder why
-you have a sour face
-he saw you arguing with the girls sitting next to you
-you have a bad breath
-you have BO
-you smell nice, and it turns him on
-you dance very well, and it turns him on
-once you complained that he hadn't asked you in a long time, and now you seem "desperate"
-he tried to flirt with you, and is pissed off that it did not work
-he is bored dancing with you
-his dancing improved, and yours is still the same
-he is tired of dancing, and now comes to the milonga only to sit around, eating, drinking, and chatting with friends
-he doesn't feel like it
-he is confident that whenever he cabeceos you, you will accept ( and he is right)
-the girl sitting next to you is staring him down, and he is afraid that if he tries to cabeceo you, she will jump on him instead
-his ex girlfriend is there
-his girlfriend is there
-everyone is there
-he has BO
-he is all sweaty and wet, so he doesn't want you to touch him
-he is tired
-he did not see you
-you are too heavy
-you step on him
-the knees collide
-the planets collide? better not ask me then, my life is already complicated enough

:D
that makes me dreadfully unfussy...

I have favourites who i have enjoyed dancing with previuosly and the bad experiences..mostly down to quality of dancing, though I an forgiving of beginners..and there are one or two who I wouldnt go near with a bargepole...the woman who gave every indication of being bored of dancing with me...and the woman who swayed her hips so much i couldnt guess where her weight was.....and the woman who danced with me to Gotan and was rubbish then told me she didnt like nuevo music.....
 
Let me list some reasons why I might not ask a lady to dance..


  1. Cabeceo.. I find it a very intimidating thing to do, largely because I can't tell if they are ignoring me as part of the cabeceo ettiquette or are simply unaware of the cabeceo ettiquette.
  2. I perceive the lady as being well above my standard and a dance with me would, I imagine, be boring or uncomfortable for her.
  3. I'm taking a breather. I'll skip at least every second tanda to prevent myself getting too sweaty. Or I don't feel like I can dance well to that particular music.
  4. The lady is deep in conversation with someone and I feel it rude to interrupt.
  5. I perceive 'territorial vibes' from the lady's significant other.


(These reasons may just be peculiar to me, and are probably not applicable to anyone else's situation)
 

AndaBien

Well-Known Member
...
4. The lady is deep in conversation with someone and I feel it rude to interrupt...
I know of ladies who like to engage in deep conversation with other women, and who complain about not being asked to dance very much. Speaking for myself, and I think other guys, I don't mind interrupting a light conversation sometimes, but I probably won't interrupt a deep one. I see other ladies who are talking but also paying attention to what's going on around them, so they are easier to ask. That's when the cabeceo works pretty well.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
I agree with most of what you're said, however you've ignored "attitude" from my list. Which, considering it's Number 1 on the list, seems strange.
That's because my post wasn't about your list.. my post was agreeing with your comment on the article (that you thought it rubbish to pretend looks didn't count at all in the top ten).
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
I know of ladies who like to engage in deep conversation with other women, and who complain about not being asked to dance very much. Speaking for myself, and I think other guys, I don't mind interrupting a light conversation sometimes, but I probably won't interrupt a deep one. I see other ladies who are talking but also paying attention to what's going on around them, so they are easier to ask. That's when the cabeceo works pretty well.
I try to keep conversation light and look around at the floor and other people not dancing while I chat for this reason, and if someone comes over to ask one of us, I immediately stop talking so they won't feel rude about interrupting. Unless, of course, neither of us wants to dance with him and are hoping he'll go away. Of course, that won't deter him and he'll interrupt anyway.

What I really hate is when someone tries to engage me in a deeper conversation, especially if it's a guy who would rather talk that dance (with anyone, not just me). Do they not get that they're keeping potential partners away?? It particularly irks me when they have my email or we're friends on facebook, so we could talk any time. Dance now. Talk later.
 
Let me list some reasons why I might not ask a lady to dance..


  1. Cabeceo.. I find it a very intimidating thing to do, largely because I can't tell if they are ignoring me as part of the cabeceo ettiquette or are simply unaware of the cabeceo ettiquette.
  2. I perceive the lady as being well above my standard and a dance with me would, I imagine, be boring or uncomfortable for her.
  3. I'm taking a breather. I'll skip at least every second tanda to prevent myself getting too sweaty. Or I don't feel like I can dance well to that particular music.
  4. The lady is deep in conversation with someone and I feel it rude to interrupt.
  5. I perceive 'territorial vibes' from the lady's significant other.


(These reasons may just be peculiar to me, and are probably not applicable to anyone else's situation)
You sound as a sensible person, and I like your reasons. Except #2, I'd say, don't be so hard on yourself, take a risk, give it a try. :)
 
Cabeceo.. I find it a very intimidating thing to do, largely because I can't tell if they are ignoring me as part of the cabeceo ettiquette or are simply unaware of the cabeceo ettiquette.
I have had the opposite experience. Once when I was at an open-air event at the Tangomarkkinat in Finland, I saw a nice lady standing next to a blond giant who looked as if he could strangle an elk with one hand. As no chairs are provided and everybody stands shoulder to shoulder there was no way of telling if they were together. She was staring at me. The cabeceo is known in Finland, but not common. Was the stare saying "Why aren't you dancing with me, you gorgeous hunk of spunk?" or "If you don't go away, I'll tell my boyfriend here that you're annoying me"?
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
I have had the opposite experience. Once when I was at an open-air event at the Tangomarkkinat in Finland, I saw a nice lady standing next to a blond giant who looked as if he could strangle an elk with one hand. As no chairs are provided and everybody stands shoulder to shoulder there was no way of telling if they were together. She was staring at me. The cabeceo is known in Finland, but not common. Was the stare saying "Why aren't you dancing with me, you gorgeous hunk of spunk?" or "If you don't go away, I'll tell my boyfriend here that you're annoying me"?
I bet she was thinking "Oh why did I come with my gay friend..."
 

sixela

Well-Known Member
I'm sure there is some truth to what you have noticed, but it goes both directions. A woman may be more inclined to dance with a good looking guy than an old codger.
I think it's sad that Pepito died. Now all these women forget that ah...ahem...low centre of gravity has its advantages too ;). His death made life much more difficult for all us old codgers who've been dancing for more than 20 years.
 
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Pretty young things simply get more chances to develop from the start of their journey at social dances. A pretty girl who is a beginner will get asked to dance. The fact that she isn't great yet won't deter that, and in fact, good leaders may jump at the chance to "mentor" her, which makes her even more popular (I saw that play out rather obviously here with someone recently) This type of follower has the opportunity to improve rapidly because she gets to dance with the better leaders from the start. (and rapid improvement also impresses people since it implies a greater amount of natural talent)
...
I think milonga culture plays an important role here.

I am one of the not attractive followers who happen to start at a friendly milonga where a few of the leaders always try to make sure all ladies get dances. Since then I get to improve fast with good leaders as my mentors through milongas and practicas. They told me that I follow well even when I was just beginning to dance. The leaders I have danced with usually invite me again when there is a chance. I don't sit out much now unless I am not in the mood.

This does not apply to every milonga. At one particular milonga, young and attractive is very important. For example, at the beginning of one tanda, at least 3 leaders looked toward an attractive lady who kept playing with her mobile phone. One of them was brave enough to walk to her and got her to dance, then the other two turned away. It was a quiet night, I was sitting there waiting for a dance. I am sure they knew I could dance because those leaders spent a lot of time watching, but they would rather sitting out.
 

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