What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

Peaches

Well-Known Member
#61
If you don't care about heel height, and you can't tell the difference between the most expensive brands and some of the others, what ARE you noticing about shoes? What's the definition of "fancy" in that case?

Can you tell the difference between a pair of strappy-sandal street shoes and strappy dance shoes? Can you tell the difference between the $50 black ballroom closed toe pump-with-a-strap shoes and the $200 black closed toe "made specially for tango" shoes?

What exactly are you seeing in the shoes to judge that they are "fancy" or an indication of anything beyond just that they can be danced in? :confused:
I know exactly what you're saying, and agree, but...yes, I can tell the difference. Granted, I'm a girl.
:rolleyes:
 
#62
First of all, I did say in my post that noting whether or not the person is wearing shoes that are inappropriate for dancing is a separate issue.
It seems to me that you now agree that it is appropriate to look at shoes.

That apart if you are looking at the shoes does it not seem reasonable that you ask a follower that has bothered with this part of her attire?
From experience not only do I notice the shoes but how they match the rest of what she is wearing and when the outfit including the shoes match it is a fair bet that, that follower has been dancing AT for a while.
Second, why haven't you seen them dance? If you go to a new milonga and haven't danced with the followers, what's wrong with just observing for awhile?
I have tried this in the past but unless it is very obvious, I find it very difficult deciding on who to dance with by looking at them dance. Very often the followers that look good are not so good to dance with and those that don't look so good are lovely to dance with. Also you never know when they are going to be available to dance with.
Or chatting with someone who isn't dancing to getting an idea of their "background"?
I would feel this very inappropriate. I see it as checking someone out by interview before dancing with them. Not my style.

I would say that the other criteria I use is where a follower seems to be popular.
 
#64
Having fancy shoes on indicates an inclination to buy and wear fancy shoes, and the financial ability to do so. Nothing else.
Now, that might or might not coincide with the higher dancing ability, but there is no correlation whatsoever (at least in the tango communities known to me), let alone cause and effect connection.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#65
I would feel this very inappropriate. I see it as checking someone out by interview before dancing with them. Not my style.
I don't think it is at all inappropriate to use tango as a subject to make small talk with strangers at an event where you are there to dance tango.

In talking about tango, you are likely to learn some things about the person's dance background. I certainly didn't mean to interrogate anyone or have a list of quiz questions that a person must "pass". :rolleyes:

It can go like this to start off:

"I'm new here... have you attended this milonga often?"
or
"I've never been here before.. do you take the classes at the school here? How are they?"
or
"I hear that (insert famous person here) gave workshops this afternoon. I wished I could have come. Did you?"

etc, etc.
Really, it's not a big deal. You're all there because of tango, so tango is the most natural subject in the world to bring up. Most people love to talk about themselves, so you only have to get them started before they tell you more than you needed to know. And their willingness (or lack thereof) to reveal anything about their tango experience tells you something as well.

My answers to the above questions would go something like this:

"I took a lot of classes years ago when I started but I rarely take classes and workshops anymore unless I'm taking them as a leader. I don't get as much out of them as a follower as I do private lessons, so I save my money for privates less often rather than group events regularly. I've heard (fill in the blank) about the workshop/classes/teacher/etc though."

Would that response tell you enough to decide whether to take a chance on me?
 
#67
In talking about tango, you are likely to learn some things about the person's dance background. I certainly didn't mean to interrogate anyone or have a list of quiz questions that a person must "pass". :rolleyes:

It can go like this to start off:

"I'm new here... have you attended this milonga often?"
or
"I've never been here before.. do you take the classes at the school here? How are they?"
or
"I hear that (insert famous person here) gave workshops this afternoon. I wished I could have come. Did you?"

etc, etc.
The other side of this particular equation is that you give the impression that you are there just to find a women with all the connotations that has. I think it is better to give the message that you are there only to dance and if conversation then flows, great. At that point the follower you are talking to quite often gives you some indicators on who to dance with.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#68
I have tried this in the past but unless it is very obvious, I find it very difficult deciding on who to dance with by looking at them dance. Very often the followers that look good are not so good to dance with and those that don't look so good are lovely to dance with. Also you never know when they are going to be available to dance with.
Maybe the things that you use to decide whether they look "good" are not the best indicators. What makes a follower look "good" (ie: skilled, experienced, connected) to you when she's dancing?
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#69
The other side of this particular equation is that you give the impression that you are there just to find a women with all the connotations that has. I think it is better to give the message that you are there only to dance and if conversation then flows, great. At that point the follower you are talking to quite often gives you some indicators on who to dance with.
Maybe I'm different from every other woman on the planet, but I would most certainly NOT assume that a newbie who asks me about the local scene is trying to pick me up. I think by asking people about local tango events, you ARE sending a message that you are interested primarily in dancing. Someone who is trying to pick me up probably won't be anywhere near that subtle and would more likely make a comment about something they've observed about me... (like my sexy dress or my... shoes)
 
#70
my tip (probably a bit stupid) but look at their feet/posture, if their feet are pretty neat and precise it shows they are in control, and if you look at their posture you can work out if they are going to lean on you and decide accordingly depending on what your preference is. It's not the best as I'm sure there are lots of ladies who feel great to dance with but have sloppy feet, but it is more reliable than what shoes they are wearing.
 
#71
Maybe the things that you use to decide whether they look "good" are not the best indicators. What makes a follower look "good" (ie: skilled, experienced, connected) to you when she's dancing?
That is the problem.

Where they are dancing big moves maybe neuvo'y they may look good, or should I say stand out but maybe not dancing with their partner.

However when they are dancing close and connected to their partner that looks normal and you do not know what is happening between the two dancers. If they are dancing with a leader that dances at the same pace you cannot really tell what their full range is but that is not neccessarily a reflection on their ability.

I have tried to look at their feet (not their shoes) to see if they are landing in time with the music but when you are concentrating on that you don't know what they look like and you only get a short amount of time to see this. I find when I do this I end up looking all night.

I would be obliged if you can give any other clues though.
 
#72
That is the problem.

Where they are dancing big moves maybe neuvo'y they may look good, or should I say stand out but maybe not dancing with their partner.

However when they are dancing close and connected to their partner that looks normal and you do not know what is happening between the two dancers. If they are dancing with a leader that dances at the same pace you cannot really tell what their full range is but that is not neccessarily a reflection on their ability.

I have tried to look at their feet (not their shoes) to see if they are landing in time with the music but when you are concentrating on that you don't know what they look like and you only get a short amount of time to see this. I find when I do this I end up looking all night.

I would be obliged if you can give any other clues though.
I think, to evaluate a follower I would look at:

-posture, in connection with the partner, and the embrace
-walk, how she moves her legs and feet
-pivots
the last two also in connection with the partner, and the music. Does she seem to follow and listen? Of course you have to consider what she is dealing with as far as the lead is concerned, so look at the guy she is dancing with.

In milongas, I would especially pay attention to the guys she is dancing with. If she says "yes" to one walking horror after the other, and seems to enjoy herself, that would make me go "hmmm..." :)
 
#73
yes I agree with all of these. Except the last. There are many lovely to dance with followers who (ummm) "dont say no". Especially when they are dancing within their home community.

Ant, I agree that in a crowded room it's often very difficult to evaluate who to dance with. If watching followers doesnt produce dividends I start evaluating the leaders. Who are the "good ones" dancing with? Who are they seeking out? This of course assumes you know which ones are the "good" ones and which arent...
 

dchester

Moderator
Staff member
#76
It is interesting to see that the Top 5 can very so much from person to person.
Everyone is different. Some people's dance styles and philosophies are compatible, and others are not. Some people dance primarily for the steps, while other dance primarily for the connection, while others try to do some of both, and some dance one way to some song and a different way to other songs.

That's why you get different answers.
 
#78
I have tried to look at their feet (not their shoes) to see if they are landing in time with the music but when you are concentrating on that you don't know what they look like and you only get a short amount of time to see this. I find when I do this I end up looking all night.

I would be obliged if you can give any other clues though.
Oooh, get over yourself! Just take a punt on the nearest unoccupied middle-aged lady who you've never danced with before and earn some brownie points. She's probably been eyeing up your technique for ages, as well.
 
#79
Ant, I agree that in a crowded room it's often very difficult to evaluate who to dance with. If watching followers doesnt produce dividends I start evaluating the leaders. Who are the "good ones" dancing with? Who are they seeking out? This of course assumes you know which ones are the "good" ones and which arent...
Picky, picky! I realise it's the law of the tango jungle but do you have to rub our noses in it!?

However, you're quite right about many followers being unwilling to Just Say No, just so's they can relieve the boredom and restore the blood flow to their lower limbs, sometimes! One also has to attempt to justify the cost of admission and travel to the venue!

Personally, I look out for the guys consistently left on the benches when most people have taken to the floor. There's usually a reason why.
 

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