What's the best reason to get married?

What's the best reason to get married?

  • Love

    Votes: 33 57.9%
  • Money

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Sex

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Power or political alliance

    Votes: 2 3.5%
  • Friendship/companionship

    Votes: 17 29.8%
  • Shared family, social, cultural or religious background

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Arranged marriage

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Other -- please discuss.

    Votes: 5 8.8%

  • Total voters
    57

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
pygmalion said:
Mmm. Well, yeah, I guess. But, to me, being in love and in a committed relationship adds a spiritual dimension that's hard to describe. To me, call it whatever you want. Sex with an acquaintance is a lot different than sex with someone I love and plan to be with for a long time.

Terminology? Eh. Whatever. What's in a name, after all? :wink:

But to me, there's a definite difference, what ever you choose to call it. :cool:
Ayuh.
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
fascination said:
okay lets see here...sex is sex...it can be making/sharing love...or it can be solely having sex...and that is regardless of what kind of relationship one is in...
am not sure what is meant by cutesy...but IMO and only IMO I would prefer to be sharing love while having sex rather than just having sex...though I will periodically settle for and even enjoy having sex...
Seems ok with me.

There is that deep expression of love that can come through the making of love, and then there is that raw sexually burning stuff that just happens. However, I much prefer this with someone where I can express that deep feeling of giving love, too. :cool:
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
dancin_feet said:
Well I chose the friendship / companionship option. Simply because I don't think you can have a friendship or close companionship with someone without loving them on some level. Yes love is required for marriage but it changes and in the early stages certainly wouldn't be a reason to get married.

To me marriage is more of a religious / spiritual or legal endeavour. You get married because traditionally religion told you that it was the next step if you wanted to have a family, etc. I have no problem with "living in sin" as it were. To me marriage is really only a piece of paper and some jewellery. It's the relationship itself that signifies whether you are committed or not. No piece of jewellery can possibly make up for mistrust and miscommunication.

On saying that, I'm not against marriage. What little girl hasn't dreamt of meeting the man of her dreams and having a fabulous wedding with everyone ooh'ing and aah'ing at your wedded bliss. I'm just saying that to me it is not a "required" step to prove commitment. More of an optional extra.
:together:
Another good viewpoint!
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
MacMoto said:
That's true, but is friendship/companionship alone a good enough reason?

I haven't voted simply because none of the options alone seems a good enough reason to marry. It's good that this subject has come up though -- this is something my SO and I will have to think/discuss over at some point, and it's good to hear what others think.

To me, marriage is a public declaration of commitment to the relationship you have, both to the people around you (family, friends, potential suitors :lol:) and to your SO. It's not necessary, but it's a nice gesture. It's saying to yourself, your partner and the world around you: "this is it; I'm happy with what I've got, not interested in looking further, this one's for life". Of course you can just say all that to your SO and everyone else without having to go through the rituals and expense, but the ritual and expense make it somehow feel more definite. And although it's true that you can always end your marriage, but divorce is a much bigger pain (both emotionally and financially) to go through than splitting from an unmarried partner, so you could say that you are showing your commitment by making it harder for yourself to leave the person (cynical or what :lol:). And of course, marriage makes your legal situation simpler and makes your family happy. Again, it's not necessary but it makes your life easier in many ways.
And another good viewpoint!
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
pygmalion said:
btw, this thread is really making me think. That was not my intent at all. :lol: I was just trying to start a light-hearted and fun conversation. :cool:

The two things that have struck me about this thread are both hard to put my finger on. Or at least, difficult for me to put into words. But they are two. One -- the juxtaposition of T_E and cocodrilo's perspectives. T_E's wondering aloud why she should structure her life around the idea of getting married one day. Neither the fact that many other people do nor the "benefits" of marriage seem all that compelling to her. Contrast that to cocodrilo, who lives in a society that's so marriage-focused that unmarried couples may lose job opportunities. Wow. For some reason, those two scenarios are connected, in my mind. Not at all the same, but connected.
Interesting!

And now bjp22tango comes in and raises the issue of trust as separate from love. Not sure where trust comes in, to be honest. I do know that trust builds over time. But yeah, I guess you're right, bjp22tango. You do have to have a certain level of trust just to make the kind of long-term commitment that marriage (or other long-term relationships) require. But ... doesn't ones long-term commitment also create a safe place for their partner to reciprocate by making a commitment of their own? :?
Trust can be an important component of love, and I agree that co-commitment is essential for healthy long term partnerships.

I don't know. I don't know a dang thing. Just wanted to check in and say that now you folks have me actually thinking, rather than just joking and occasionally moderating.

I hate it when that happens! :lol:
Thinking is good for the soul.
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
Sagitta said:
You follow your intuition...you follow your soul (not heart)...to me it is about being comfortable with myself...results in being open..results in opportunities appearing....sort of like networking...I guess

I agree that trust needs to be there...some common interets for sure...but alo nice to have different interests or the ability to find quiet time away from each other.
I like the idea of having both shared "space" and seperate "space".
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
dancin_feet said:
I thought the same way as you diputsnyc. Couldn't imagine myself with anyone, just couldn't see myself caring enough about someone to want to compromise my life to be with them. They'd either see me just as a friend, be interested in someone else, or have some sort of deal breaking habit like drinking to excess or smoking. I thought I was destined to be single for the rest of my life. But then one day .....

I know it's a bit of a cliche but it really is a matter of finding the "right" one. How did I know? Everything just fell into place. I have no hesitation in sharing things with him and changing my plans during a day to accommodate him where I couldn't imagine that happening with anyone before we got together. Now whether he is the "right" one for marriage, well that's far too early to tell. But the friendship / companionship is definitely there.
Oh d_f ... please becareful about that changing your plans during a day to accommodate him. It can lead to giving up part of yourself. Be very careful that it doesn't head down that path.
 
DancePoet said:
Oh d_f ... please becareful about that changing your plans during a day to accommodate him. It can lead to giving up part of yourself. Be very careful that it doesn't head down that path.
Won't happen DP. We organise around what we both have to do, and he has changed what he wants to do to accommodate me as well, so it works both ways. Compromise. Why just this weekend he came dress pattern shopping with me!! Not something he would have been in the least bit interested in before meeting me. :D
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
dancin_feet said:
Won't happen DP. We organise around what we both have to do, and he has changed what he wants to do to accommodate me as well, so it works both ways. Compromise. Why just this weekend he came dress pattern shopping with me!! Not something he would have been in the least bit interested in before meeting me. :D
Sounds like a nice guy, d_f. :D
 

DancePoet

Well-Known Member
dancin_feet said:
Won't happen DP. We organise around what we both have to do, and he has changed what he wants to do to accommodate me as well, so it works both ways. Compromise. Why just this weekend he came dress pattern shopping with me!! Not something he would have been in the least bit interested in before meeting me. :D
Sounds good. :D

Another guy who goes shopping with a woman. Sounds good, too. ;)
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
DancePoet said:
An intriguing statement ... how do you mean?
okay its early and I still am recovering from OSB and feeling a bit too lazy to be precise BUT...in general there were few times when I was younger and more externally reactive when a relationship with another very emotional person with similar limitations could have easily spun into something a bit too volatile and irrational and ugly and addictive .... :rolleyes: know what I mean?
 
Not so much as a what, but more of a when:

Her parents, who have been together for more than 30 years, actually got married a year ago, she tells me. "You know," she says. "I think they always wanted to get married but it was never the right time. They slipped away and married very quietly and it was very romantic."
The British actress Emilia Fox, on her parents the actors Joanna David and Edward Fox. Edward Fox bears an uncanny resemblance* to the British prince, Edward who abducated the throne in favour of his love, the american divorcee Wallis Simpson. Edward Fox has also played tv/film roles, acting as Prince Edward. Otherwise, in he a "very fine actor".

(* yes, there has been speculation regarding the resemblance ;))
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
There's a lot to be said for sex with a friend you've known a long, long time and trust completely. So, at least in my book, sex is a reasonable way to vote. No need for :oops:
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
pygmalion said:
There's a lot to be said for sex with a friend you've known a long, long time and trust completely. So, at least in my book, sex is a reasonable way to vote. No need for :oops:
talk about your intriguing responses;)
 
For a lot of people- myself included, at one time- marriage is not necessary for sex. I have also been very, very careful about not letting sex get in the way of some very special relationships I've had with men. It would absolutely have ruined the friendships.
 
First I'd pick love and if that's there I'd look at the friendship and companionship aspect... I mean, sometimes you can fall for people who you wouldn't be good companions with or whatever (opposites attract...)
 

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